[NSFW] The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (GCN)

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Guest review by: Geoff Osman

First off, I don’t know if I should call this a review of Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, or a rant on all of the retarded wannabe gamers who think that, and I quote, “If it doesn’t have super-expensive, megacool realistic graphics, then the game must suck”.  What dumb fuck came up with that one?  Maybe I could see that coming from someone whose first game was Metal Gear Solid 2 or Final Fantasy VIII, but for crying out loud.  If you were a real gamer, and I actually cared about your opinions, then you would have noticed that GREAT GAME = gameplay x fun.With that behind me… but I’m sure it will come up again… I can start.

Let’s start at the beginning of the tale, shall we?  It is 100 years after the defeat of Gannon in Ocarina of Time (OOT).  You play as Link, a young boy (and yes, he is supposed to be a boy.  I don’t know where you dumb-ass fucks came up with the idea that he was an adult.  In fact, he was only an adult in one game, OOT, AND THAT WAS ONLY HALF OF THE GAME!!!) woo… calm down… calm down… anyway, he lives on an island with his grandmother and sister.  Now I know what you’re thinking… Link doesn’t have a sister; he was an orphan child from Korki Village, right?  Well if you let me finish, you will find out why he has one… you twits.  There is a legend around the islands about a hero in green who defeated an evil monster in a magical land called Hyrule.  The monster, however, returned, but there was no hero to stop it and so Hyrule vanished off the face of the world.  The last part of the legend is that one day a hero will reawaken in a young boy to defeat the monster if he ever shows celdasn1again.  That’s where you come in.  I’ll try to be brief and move on no, so bare with me.  You are the chosen one; an evil bird kidnaps your sister, you try to rescue her but fail because you are too much of a weakling in the beginning of the game, and now you must set sail on your new talking boat and get strong enough to rescue your poor helpless sister, and eventually discover your true destiny.  How sweet.

Now this is just like OOT with some new improvements.  You get a new handy weapon, called the grappling hook, which lets you swing Tarzan-style from place to place.  Not only that but it can help you steal from your enemies.  The fighting system is identical to OOT and it has been improved with a counter attack, which comes in real handy.  Plus, all your favorite weapons are back, including the hookshot, bow, mirror shield, and more.  There are new ways of getting weapons as well.  If you don’t think your sword is cutting it, just knock the sword out of your enemy’s hands.  You can pick it up and give it to them in return.  How cool is that… using your enemy’s weapons?!  The controls for all these weapons are tight as can be.  I never was getting jumbled over which button needed to be pushed and they all work together with no delay.  The camera as well is great.  The Z-targeting from OOT is back as is L-targeting, and the camera never fails once targeted.

Now here is another category I’ll bash idiot for: the graphics.  First off, let me say that when I saw that FMV of Link vs. Ganondorf at the 2000 Spaceworld convention, my jaw was on the floor and I told myself, “God this new system and game is going to rock mega-ass!”.  What I thought I saw that day and probably all of you thought you saw the next Zelda game.  Well guess what, it was just showing the power of the new system.  The new game was going to be cell shaded.  Now I was a little disappointed myself when I saw the new Link, but it didn’t stop me from liking Zelda all together.  That’s where you idiots took the wrong turn.  Besides, who said the graphics suck; this is the best cell shaded game I have ever seen.  It really feels like a whole new adventure in a new time.  All the landscapes and characters look very lively and colorful in the new cartoony world.  The cell shading couldn’t have been pulled off nicer.  The lighting effects are stunning and everything is polished and smooth.  My only beef is the main character, Link.  Everyone else in the game has been done beautifully, but Link’s face is missing some well-needed definition.  I was expecting a little more for the main character, that’s all.

As for the sound I am also left a little disappointed.  When you exited the forest in OOT and heard that beautiful music, it really caught me in the magic of Hyrule.  In Wind Waker there just wasn’t that feeling.  The music is nice and I really like the daytime music when sailing the sea, but it feels like old MIDIs.  I would have also appreciated more voice work.  I know sometimes the voice work does more harm than good, but it’s just annoying to continue reading dialogue in this day and age.  I wouldn’t have minded bad voice acting over having to read a lot.  Where sound excels is the sound effects and battle.  Get this:  when you battle, the music and sound effects intense with the intensity of the battle.  If it’s a tiny battle with a slime the battle music won’t be too prominent, but when you’re battling the minions of Gannon with rooms filled with monsters, the music is intense.  When your sword clashes it makes the music more heroic, and everything sounds great.  The boss fights as well are great to play with dangerous energetic music in the background.  All the bumps, rushing water, and crashes sound great too.  The sound effects department did a great job.

What all Zelda games lack unfortunately is replay value.  After you complete the whole game, there isn’t much else to do.  This is especially true in this game since it is relatively short.  It isn’t too complicated and can be put by in a matter of a few weeks.  If you want to truely complete the game and collect everything, it will take a little longer, but it is not a long title.  The GameBoy Advance hookup is a neat invention that will keep people playing with friends, but you can only play a single player adventure for so long.  However, I’m sure after a few months of not playing this game, you will go back to it and start the legend over again.  There is a new game + feature in the game, like in Chrono Trigger, but I have yet to do that so I can’t really comment on it.  This game is great.  Not as good as OOT, but definitely one of the best titles of the year.  Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker rocks, and everyone who didn’t want it because of its looks is missing out.  Sucks for you… go back to playing your Halo (best first-person shooter, my ass) and Splinter Cell (Solid Snake killer, my ass)… you stupid fucks.

1 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 10 (You need to be a registered member to rate this post.)
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