Submissions (January 2007)

So Saturday night I went to spend a few hours at my parents’ house watching movies and relaxing till’ about 1:30 in the morning.  When it was time to leave as I was going to the car I fell flat on my back after slipping on some ice and smacked my head on the pavement.  I remember nothing about the incident (even though I’m told my eyes were open the whole time and I was talking; asking what happened) at all except for the sound of shoes slipping and then being in the car frantically asking what had happened and saying that I needed to go to the hospital because my head was bleeding and I couldn’t remember what happened.

We arrived at the emergency room sometime after 2:00 am, and by that time my neck muscles were screaming with pain.  After admitting myself and trying to stay calm (which isn’t easy when your head is bleeding) a hospital intern examined me and told me that my head wouldn’t need stitches, and my neck muscles/ligaments on both sides were severely pulled and possibly torn; but there didn’t seem to be any damage to my spine so I’d be fine, just in a hell of a lot of pain for a week or so.  He offered me some Valium to help with the pain which I quickly declined because I know how sick that crap can make you if your body doesn’t handle it well, and then he went off to consult with the doctor in charge while a nurse came to tell me to please wait for the “real doctor” to come speak with me before I  went home.

So there we sat, trapped in a small hospital exam space waiting for this doctor as the clock quickly approached 4:00 am, and he never showed.  Finally I went and found the nurse who had told me to wait and asked her if this doctor was coming to see me, or if I could go home, she then paged this guy who I actually heard say “oh no, she can go” and that was all after making me wait for him for around half an hour.  I wasn’t impressed at all.  I was finally able to go to bed at 5 in the morning, completely pain killer free because we have no food in the house and it was too late to go anywhere to get something to eat.  I know I only slept a few minutes at a time that morning/afternoon thanks to my neck, and even now pain pills aren’t doing much to help me so it’s going to be a very long week or so I suppose.

Let my story be a lesson to you all: No one ever cracked their head and killed their neck staying home and playing video games on icy winter nights.  Think about it.

– Altair M. Semicolon

Eric Versus the Old Man
By Father Time

Sweat was pouring off of the old mans back as he got clotheslined in the face by captain eric regan whos world heavyweight championship was on the line in this epic match. He hit the mat hard as the captain bounced off the ropes and dropped an elbow straight into his chest. He knew he was almost done for, nobody could beat eric, but he wasnt ready to give up. Not yet, not ever.

He tried to spring up to his feet but he felt a little wobbly, it had been along time since he had last been able to do that. He was not in the prime of his career. He had managed to pick up some fluke victories recently but not against people of eric’s caliber.

Eric kicked him again right in the face and the old man went down. This was it, he thought. And then he saw something. A sign in the crowd, held up by somebody who was in the crowd. The sign said “you can do it” and he thought to himself that he really could. This was his biggest mistake it was a truth that nobody ever beat eric. Especially not any old man.

He tried to get up but then eric picked him up and delivered a vicious powerbomb. The old man was out eric got the one two three. He had successfully defended his championship!!!!! The crowd went crazy but eric just brushed it off because he was to used to beating jabronies like this old man. He longed for real competition. And someday he eventually got it….

– Father Time