Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb Feature Presentation

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These are all real games that are really being developed.

It’s that time again! The time when we look into the FUTURE of gaming and see which games we will put off buying, which games we will completely forget about buying, and which games we will tell ourselves we would never ever buy, until that crazed friend of ours talks us into it because it like totally has such sweet fps, man.


Fat Princess (PS3-PSN)

It is rare when a game is able to break into a entirely new demographic. But once in a while, a game comes along that does just that. So chubby chasers, welcome to the world of gaming. I surely hope you enjoy your stay: Fat Princess is all about feeding that apple of your eye until her heart’s content!

fatprincess

Oh, but that’s not all! You have to go up against your rival lovers of all things blubbery and get YOUR princess the cake first! Such innovation. This true masterpiece of a game is just another reminder of what an exciting era of gaming we will live in. The top minds of the world are letting their creativity run wild, and we reap the rewards with ingenious games like this! And that one. You know, that one with all the blocks that was unforgettably amazing.

Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Up!


Sarah’s Emergency Room (MANY)

sarahWhile we are on the subject of truly innovative games, here is another one! I mean, a game that lets you play DOCTOR!? In an emergency room, no less! It would be unheard of a mere five years ago!

Well, I suppose I should also point out that since those mere five years ago, about 1,000 games that let you play doctor have been released. However, that is just one MINOR detail! This is a GREAT new game, unlike any that has ever graced our presence before! Most people will never know what it feels like to be a failed doctor who is responsible for hundreds of deaths. Well, until the last fiv…I mean, until now, that is. OOH YEAAAH.

Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.


I Am Alive (PS3/X360/PC)

If you’re like me, the one question that plagues your existence is…am I alive? Well, thankfully, in this new game “I Am Alive,” I finally got my answer: YES! Now you can find out, too, with its simple interface and easy 25,603 questions, only 957 of which featuring complex diagrams. You too can find out…if YOU’RE READY!

OK, well, obviously, that isn’t the game. I Am Alive is some next gen graphicy goodness adventure game or some such. I’m not really all that sure because I was playing MY version of the game, and it was MUCH cooler. Forget PSYCHIC powers: The power of IMAGINATION is all you really need!

Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.


Captain Rainbow (Wii)

rainbowBattling the complaints of “hardcore” gamers claiming their system is too childish and casual game-oriented, Nintendo is firing back with one badass new hero…Captain Rainbow.  Captain Rainbow ALWAYS saves the day, and he never forgets to bring along some extra carrots to feed his fuzzy woodland friends, either! Captain Rainbow rid the entire Fluffykins Village of evil demented garden gnomes in less than an hour and still made time to MC the annual Squirrely-time Fun Festival. Captain Rainbow makes no excuses. Captain Rainbow is THE future. For all of these things, we can be proud! WAY TO GO, NINTENDO!

Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Up!


Jillian Michaels’ Fitness Ultimatum 2009 (Wii)

Who is Jillian Michaels? Why exactly is she issuing ultimatums in videogame form? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO JILLIAN MICHAELS IS! All you need to know is that you BEST get your chubby Fat Princess-loving ass into FITNESS mode pronto or face SERIOUS consequences.

jillianSee, Jillian knows that we are all weak, pathetic beings who need to be forced into bettering our lives through fitness! THAT is why she is issuing this ultimatum. Buy my game. Get fit. OR DIE. It’s quite simple, really. Jillian cares about all of society. She understands that this is a dog-eat-dog world. Survival of the fittest!  Only through fitness training can we all REALLY become GOOD people.

This is a ultimatum to BETTER humanity, not just ourselves! So if you care about anything at all in this world, you will know that there is no other choice than to throw down the Twinkies and OBEY Jillian Michaels’ demands!

…and just wait till 2010’s edition!

Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Up!


Well, that seems like a good note to end this THRILLING edition of the Thumbs on. Let us all thank the heavens…well, mainly let’s all thank me for being so darn amazing and churning out this amazing collaboration of words for the world to enjoy. Yes, thank you, me. You are a credit to your species.

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