Welcome to “Carbonated News,” the column that gets you up-to-date on the latest videogame-related news. Our biggest story today…
“Carbonated News” is looking for new authors. See, now that the GameCola hiatus is over, so is my contract to write this column. I mean, seriously! Now we have a new website with a whole section devoted to news! There’s no way Michael “The Most Recent Game I’ve Played Is Super Mario Bros. 2” Gray can keep up with that!
So feel free to go ahead and write up news stories for “Carbonated News.” It can be a group of news stories like today’s column, or a short, one-sentence blurb like “New DDR Max gameplay footage shows that, in fact, you can’t dance if you want to.” You know, write whatever you want. I don’t care; my contract is up. Just to help you get started, though, here are the three guidelines I followed in writing for “Carbonated News”:
- You must report on some sort of news.
- It doesn’t have to be current. Or videogame related. Or accurate.
- Feel free to overuse the phrase “by jingo.”
Sounds good? Sounds good! I’m looking forward to seeing what people come up with, even if it’s just the list of new game releases that Paul copy/pasted from another website, by jingo. In case you couldn’t tell by Guideline #2, we don’t set the bar very high. Anyway, here’s the news for today!
- Star Wars: The Old Republic is being released in Spring 2011. This is one of those MMORPGs that seem so popular nowdays, by jingo. The graphics remind me of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars TV show that I haven’t watched.
- We have a list of the Robot Masters for Mega Man 10. They are Sheep Man, Strike Man, Solar Man, Chill Man, Nitro Man, Pump Man, Commando Man, and Blade Man. Hey, where’s Super Man? Don’t tell me he’s still having copyright issues!
- A bunch of plot details for Halo: Reach were revealed. The story is a prequel to Halo: Combat Evolved, and I am seriously out of it when it comes to Xbox games, because I never heard of either of those games before today. In any case, the game will involve alien attackers, a six-person squad known as the Noble Team, and Spartan IIIs. We have no word if the Spartans will be fighting Persians like in 300, but we are pretty sure this would be a good time to look into a Halo/Prince of Persia crossover.
- Conan O’Brien quit The Tonight Show after NBC decided to replace his time slot with The Jay Leno Show. Personally, I am hoping that instead of leaving NBC all together, he will join up with the cast of Days of Our Lives, taking up the role of Conando, Salem’s hottest new bachelor.
- Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 has now made over one billion dollars. Let me see…$1,000,000,000 divide by $60 a game = 16,666,667 copies sold. That’s a lot of copies.
- Pokemon Ranger 3 is in development as I type. Or not. The game is being release March 6th in Japan. They’ve probably finished it by now, in that case. Among the new Pokemon featured in this game is a Pichu who plays the ukulele. No, really.
So that’s the news for today! I’m outta here, by jingo.