The GameCola Top 50 Videogames Ever Made In The Whole Of Human History (As Far As We’re Concerned): The Conclusion

The GameCola Top 50 Videogames Ever Made In The Whole Of Human History (As Far As We’re Concerned): The Conclusion

10. Super Metroid

Who’s to blame:
Michael Ridgaway – #2
David Donovan – #13
Nathaniel Hoover – #13

supermetroid-1The first time I played Super Metroid was at one of those demo kiosks in Wal-Mart when I was a kid. The system would reset every five minutes or so, but I timed everything out so that I could hit a save point before it reset, and then I would re-load my game and start. I did this for about two hours, much to the amazement of the store employees and my mother, who was fortunately busy buying clothes for my brother. Despite the fact that this game was resetting every five minutes and was a bit of a chore to play, it was still so good that I couldn’t stop playing it.

Super Metroid is still one of my favorite games and has definitely stood the test of time. It helped define an entire genre of adventure platformers and represents an age when videogames were starting to become more than simple diversions. The graphics are beautiful and extremely detailed, from the dark, moss-covered stones of Brinstar to the veins on Ridley’s wings to the minute movement of Samus’ breathing, and the music ranges from slow, spooky melodies that emphasize the ruin and malice surrounding the Samus to frantic, fast-paced pieces that make the boss battles that much more thrilling. Additionally, there’s just so much to explore and discover in this game that I still have not managed to achieve 100% completion after 15+ years. Many games have aspired to rise to Super Metroid’s level over the years, but it’s obvious that only one or two have ever come close.

-Michael Ridgaway


9. The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

Who’s to blame:

Matt Jonas – #1
David Donovan – #5
Elizabeth Medina-Gray – #21

linksawakeningThe Legend of Zelda games don’t maintain a proper canon, and none more so than Link’s Awakening. Set in a dream world that exists only while the “Wind Fish” is sleeping, Link must discover a way to wake the great fish, escape Koholint Island and return back to reality—though doing so will make the island and its inhabitants disappear forever.

Retaining all of the original Zelda goodness, portable for the very first time, Link’s Awakening shows us to our seats in a world of complete madness. Also, Kirby makes an appearance as a special enemy in the last dungeon, which is totally awesome.

-Matt Jonas


8. Super Mario 64

Who’s to blame:
Matt Jonas – #4
David Donovan – #8
Mark Freedman – #13
Michael Ridgaway – #16

super-mario-64Taking the core elements of the Super Mario series, the Nintendo 64 launch title Super Mario 64 still, to this day, bewilders me. But that’s a good thing, you know. Packing 120 stars to be collected, it is a lengthy platformer that revolutionized the concept of three-dimensional gameplay on a massive scale.

New abilities, enemies, and characters breathe fresh life into the series—yet the game also remains true to its predecessors. To this day, Super Mario 64 is still a challenging game (as my two stars short of the full 120 shows).

-Matt Jonas


7. The Curse of Monkey Island

Who’s to blame:
Paul Franzen – #1
Justin Luschinski – #2
Elizabeth Medina-Gray – #8

curseThe Curse of Monkey Island is the reason why the adventure game genre was dead for so long. (I know that, in the past, I’ve also attributed this to “horrible design choices,” King’s Quest VIII, and El Niño, but bear with me on this.) The game is a total package, building upon the already sublime Secret of Monkey Island with beautiful cartoon-style visuals, the vocal stylings of Dominic Armato (wubba wubba!), perfectly optimized point-and-click controls, an epic soundtrack, Murray the demonic talking skull, and more. In short, the game maximizes every possible attribute, and in long, it is the best goddamn game I have ever played in my entire life.

So how did it kill its own genre? Simple—they gave up. Everyone just gave up. Developers and publishers alike realized that no matter how hard they tried, they’d never be able to bring everything together as well as LucasArts did in this adventure game about a young pirate who’s accidentally transformed his fiancée into gold, and then lost her, so they decided that they’d be better off not even trying, and turning their adventure games into platformers, RPGs, and crate-puzzlers, instead. Which, of course, meant that people stopped buying the games, so then developers stopped making them entirely. Curse you, Curse! You’ve hurt us so, so good.

-Paul Franzen


6. EarthBound

Who’s to blame:
Christian Porter – #1
Michael Ridgaway – #1
Nathaniel Hoover – #3
Mark Freedman – #22

Earthbound (U)_00000In 1994, EarthBound brought something desperately needed to RPGs: originality! Quirky humor, interesting characters, and some of the most unique music on the SNES—integrating sound clips from The Beatles, Ric Ocasek, and even Monty Python’s Flying Circus—are just a few things EarthBound brought to the table. And despite being a generally upbeat and silly game, it also managed to introduce what is very likely the most utterly creepy final bosses ever: Giygas.

It breathed new life into a genre that was flooded with endless battles between stoic heroes and puppy-kicking evil villains. It traded Buster Swords for yo-yos, battlemages for a psychic elementary schooler, and Phoenix Downs for Cups of Lifenoodles. Even today the RPG genre tends to avoid rocking the boat and usually doesn’t tread far from either the Orcs ‘n’ Elves western RPG or Magical Steampunk J-RPG, so it’s no wonder EarthBound is still revered as a classic among classics by what is almost certainly the largest cult following in videogame history.

-Christian Porter


5. Super Mario Bros. 3

Who’s to blame:
Mark Freedman – #4
Jeff Day – #5
David Donovan – #10
Paul Franzen – #15
Matt Gardner – #17
Nathaniel Hoover – #25

Super Mario Bros. 3 (U) (PRG0) [!]_002I’m hard pressed to think of a single game that appeals to as many different kinds of gamers as Super Mario Bros. 3. Children and adults, casual gamers and obsessed gamers, even women and old people can (and do) get into this game. The easy-to-pick-up yet fun and engaging gameplay, enjoyable settings and characters, and new and improved power-ups (raccoon, frog, hammer bro, etc.) make it ridiculously fun to pour hours into what actually isn’t even a super-long game. (Which is good because, really, how long do you expect the princess to stay locked up in Bowser’s castle?)

-Matt Gardner


4. Mario Kart 64

Who’s to blame:
Paul Franzen – #3
Jeff Day – #5
Michael Ridgaway – #5
Mark Freedman – #17
Zach Rich – #20

mariokartFor some reason, no one else can ever get it right. Either their controls are awkward or loose, or their characters are total unknowns, or their items are incomprehensible (or they’re rip-offs), or their courses are unimaginative, or sometimes all of the above. Whatever the case may be, no one can get the job done like Nintendo—or, as that classic 16-bit-era slogan goes, “Nintendo Does What Everyone Else Don’t, Which is Make a Great Kart Racing Game.”

Mario Kart 64 is one of the very (very) few things that both my dad and I enjoy and can bond over. We’ve been playing this goofy racing game together for over 12 years now, and that is entirely why I voted for it. I can’t really speak for everyone else (even though I’m supposed to), but maybe that’s exactly why Mario Kart 64 is so universally loved: because it’s such an incredibly accessible game, where kids and adults, hardcore and casual gamers, Halo fans and people who don’t pop their collars, can actually play together without somebody getting bored or hurling a controller. …Or maybe everyone just really likes Rainbow Road.

-Paul Franzen


3. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Who’s to blame:
Michael Gray – #1
Elizabeth Medina-Gray – #3
Michael Ridgaway – #4
Mark Freedman – #9

ocarina of timeThe Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the story of a hero named Link who travels through time to defeat the evil king Ganondorf and save Princess Zelda. We asked Michael Gray, author of “The Ten Reasons,” to come up with ten reasons why it is such a legendary game, and this is what he said:

One, it is an absolutely huge game, and just when it seems you’ve gotten all the way to the end, there is a humongous plot twist that reveals you’re not even halfway through the game yet. Two, the aforementioned plot twist is awesome; it involves time-travel to an alternate universe where the main villain rules the world (think Back to the Future 2). Actually, the overall plot of the game is really good, and the various subplots that surround the different dungeons are all engrossing in their own right. Three, there are a lot of characters with enough depth to make you care about them. This might not sound like much, until you compare it to something like the current-gen Zelda game, Twilight Princess, which has fewer and less interesting characters; people today still write more about Ocarina of Time’s characters than Twilight Princess’ characters, even though Ocarina of Time is twelve years old by now.

Four, the boss battles are so enjoyable that it’s worth creating a save point before each one, just so you can replay it multiple times. Five, there’s a tree with a righteous mustache. Six, the fishing minigame is so good that it probably could have been a complete game in its own right. Seven, this game does not include Toon Link in any way, shape or form. Eight, the Goron and Zora races are both so good that it’s hard to imagine a Zelda game today that doesn’t include them. Nine, Darunia is a dance master, and the Goron hug scene is hilarious. And ten, forget what the haters have to say, Navi is a great helpful sidekick.

-Michael Gray


2. Chrono Trigger

Who’s to blame:
Nathaniel Hoover – #1
Mark Freedman – #1
Michael Ridgaway – #11
Jeff Day – #11
Justin Luschinski – #18
David Donovan – #22
Matt Gardner – #24

Chrono Trigger (U) [!]_00000While there may be other RPGs out there with more complex storylines and richer battle systems, Chrono Trigger is frequently cited as the greatest RPG of all time because it does everything right—the only way somebody wouldn’t like Chrono Trigger is if they hated robots, dinosaurs, time machines, talking frogs, battles that require actual strategy, the art of Dragon Ball Z’s Akira Toriyama, character development, and fun. There’s action, suspense, comedy, tragedy, and a phenomenal soundtrack that perfectly brings it all together, too. If you don’t at least like Chrono Trigger, then you’re not really a person.

-Nathaniel Hoover


And the #1 game of all time is…


1. Taboo: The Sixth Sense

This exceptional tarot simulator is easily the greatest–

OK fine; we’re just messing with you. Here’s the real #1:


1. Portal

Who’s to blame:
Justin Luschinski – #4
Elizabeth Medina-Gray – #5
Christian Porter – # 5
Nathaniel Hoover – #5
Michael Ridgaway – #6

portalIf you’ve ever heard the phrase “The cake is a lie,” then you’ve already felt the cultural impact that this single game has had. Granted, everyone agrees that “The cake is a lie” has become so overused that it’s not funny anymore, but at its core, Portal truly is a perfect videogame. The puzzles are intuitive, the portal technology was innovative, the game’s one character is one of the greatest characters of all time, and it never overstayed its welcome. Portal is probably the best example of how games can become art, creating a cultural impact so large that it even transitioned over to the real world.

This wasn’t that funny of a description, so I’m going to finish this with a joke: A baby seal walks into a club.

-Justin Luschinski


And there you have it—the 50 games that are, unequivocally, the greatest games ever made. Please feel free to utilize the comments section below to say things like:

“Why the hell is Secret of Mana only #14? You guys are stupid idiots!”

“Why is BurgerTime not on the list?! You guys sux0rz!”

Or the ever-popular:

“What?! Halo didn’t even make it on the list!! You guys are all [insert insult questioning our collective sexuality here].”

Just remember, if you believe any changes should be made to this masterpiece of game journalism—you’re wrong.


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About the Author

Christian Porter is a world renowned game journalist/astro physicist/international playboy. His contributions to society are numerous and include the invention of computers, Fix-a-Flat and modern aeroplanes. His personal hygiene is topflight. XBL: Slothbot // PSN: ToxoplasmaGondii
Email: cporter@gamecola.net