EarthBound is a plague. I don’t mean that in the sense that it’s caused worldwide devastation and killed thousands of people (though I haven’t fact-checked that); I just mean that it’s been plaguing me since I was 12 years old, when I couldn’t progress past a certain part of the game because I kept getting eaten by dinosaurs while I was just trying to find the next town, or a save point, or a healing geyser or ANYTHING. It was very frustrating, and it’s because of this experience that I’ve harbored a life-long hatred for videogames.
The game’s been weighing down my soul, literally, for the past 13 years, and what better way to prove my manliness than by making over 100 videos of me finally conquering it?
Of course, “conquering” may be too strong a word here (also, “manliness”), considering that I am the worst EarthBound player in the history of gaming.
I die. Frequently. I miss important things. I don’t talk to everyone. I don’t know how to manage my inventory—heck, I only barely know how to equip my armor. Watching my videos, you’d think that the only role-playing games I play are the kinds you can’t write about on a family-friendly site such as GameCola.
So why should you watch my videos? I’ll let YouTube commenter ebonymare toot my own hor—you know what, I’d better not finish that sentence, because it sounds too much like penises to me. Let’s just look at the comment:
I had LOL’d soo much during your ‘Fobby Rant’ that it actually went through different stages.
a) A spring of snorts and giggling as I try to maintain my meager shards of decorum.
b) I cackled and chortled as I clutched my stomach and awoke nearly every sleeping household member available.
c) Become immune to their rants due to the sheer hilarity it has achieved and only finally become quietier when my lungs are burning for air and my laughter is reduced to body shaking muted chuckles!
For my hilarious and insightful commentary, of course! It’s a very “stream of consciousness” style of commentary, which is a buzz phrase I’m using here to mean “sometimes you can tell what I’m saying.”
I’m going to show you the first video of the playthrough here, to give you that sweet first hit, and I’m also going to share with you my two favorite videos from the set: “FOPPY!!!!!”, and its spirutual successor, “Fobby?!”. (The most interesting bits start about halfway through each video.) They’re not going to make much sense if you haven’t played EarthBound or watched my other videos, but they’re probably not going to make much sense if you have, either.
(Please note that I’m intentionally not sharing the video where I discuss how I was having a lot more fun with Enchanted Arms than with EarthBound, because I think that might make people mad.)
To check out my entire 116-video playthrough of EarthBound, click here.