Welcome to “Speak American,” where we take a look at several games from all genres, formats and generations that have one thing in common—they all have the poor taste to speak some kind of gibberish that isn’t even American. We’ll examine these games to see if us unilingual Americans can actually play them and, if we can, to see if they’re worth playing in the first place.
Episode 1
Today we’ll be playing:
Jesus – A Famicom sci-fi adventure that appears to have a lot more to do with outer space lizard men than famous human pincushions.
Neo Cherry Master – A Neo Geo Pocket slot machine game.
Penguin-Kun Wars – A Famicom game in which woodland creatures slide their balls across a table to one another. No, this one is not pornographic.
Christian Porter is a world renowned game journalist/astro physicist/international playboy. His contributions to society are numerous and include the invention of computers, Fix-a-Flat and modern aeroplanes. His personal hygiene is topflight. 
Penguin-Kun Wars seems a lot like the board game Crossfire…except with fewer THE BEST COMMERCIAL EVER, and more penguins.
Hahaha, “famous human pincushions”. That’s just the kind of dark humor that tickles me pink.
Yeah, sadly “YOUUU’LL GEET CAUGHT UP IN THE, PENGUIN-KUN WARS!” doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well.