Welcome to “Speak American,” where we take a look at several games from all genres, formats and generations that have one thing in common—they all have the poor taste to speak some kind of gibberish that isn’t even American. We’ll examine these games to see if we unilingual Americans can actually play them and, if we can, to see if they’re worth playing in the first place.
Come join me on this double-length episode with a fancy new intro sequence as I embark on a surprisingly eventful journey spanning 5 games, 4 consoles, and 2 countries in search of a game that’s halfway decent:
Pacman’s Revenge – A Spanish Spectrum ZX game that puts Pac-Man in a house full of ghosts and no power pellets in sight—which is like getting revenge on a bear by walking into a its den after covering yourself in honey and tying your hands behind your back.
Sentouin Yamada Hajime – A Game Boy Advance game in which a runny-nosed superhero punches hapless women in the face without provocation.
Be Bop High School – A Famicom game where a gang of high school ne’er-do-wells walk around their school campus, refrain from getting in fights, have pleasant converstations with others, and generally appear to enjoy following rules.
Book of Watermarks – A Myst-like FMV adventure game featuring a guy with a silly name, his sexy boy-servants, and a lot of books.
Konchu Ouja Mushiking – A cross between Rochambeau and Pokémon, but instead of Pokémon it’s nothing but beetles. Beetles that will not hesitate to German suplex your ass at a moment’s notice.
