Fabricated News: Nintendo Direct

Nintendo announced a bunch of new games this week, including David Hasselhoff's Punch-Out.

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hidden-temple-headerAt Nintendo’s press conference this week, they announced a slew of new games. Some of them, such as Destroy All the Cookies in the World, made me feel said. Others, such as David Hasselhoff’s Punch-Out!! and Legends of the Hidden Temple Wii U, made me want to dance.

danceThis is what Kinect Star Wars looks like.

Most of the news outlets were shocked to learn that Nintendo plans on making more games for the Mario, Mario Kart, and Super Smash Bros. series. They’re also making two HD Zelda games, one of them is a remake of Wind Waker. Humorously, they tried their hardest to make Wind Waker look like an awful game, so they could justify remaking it. I’m not sure openly insulting your game is a good marketing strategy, but I could be mistaken.

The most exciting game that was announced is Eagle Hand Laundry, starring Alex the Mermaid. It is the spiritual successor to 2012’s Hatoful Boyfriend. HB was a dating sim, in which you dated a series of pigeons. This time, the pigeons have been replaced with cute puppies.

Oh my gosh, cute puppies. Where is my puppy-based FMV game? Get me the rights to twenty different puppy videos, and I will write the script for it. Seriously, Nintendo, that’s a best-selling iPad game right there.

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About the Contributor


From 2007 to 2016

Michael Gray is a staff writer for GameCola, who focuses on adventure games, videos and writing videogame walkthroughs.

2 Comments

    1. And even though they doctored the Wind Waker footage to make the graphics look worse, the HD remake shots were not that much of an improvement. Toon Link’s graphics are slightly crisper, and that’s about it. It’s not like he’s any more photo-realistic when he jumps to HD.

      Something they didn’t mention, which interests me, is the possibility of them finishing the partially-done dungeons that got cut out of Wind Waker. But if Ocarina of Time 3D is anything to go by, they won’t bother with material that got cut out of the original game.

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