[NSFW] Have You Ever Played: Chulip

[NSFW] Have You Ever Played: Chulip

chulip-headerHave You Ever Played” is a new column where I’ll be playing games suggested by you, the readers. I will then write about my experiences with these games, whether I enjoyed my time with them or not. Sometimes there may even be videos!

To demonstrate, I will be writing about the game Chulip for the PlayStation 2. (I know it’s not part of my list, but I wanted an excuse to write about it!)


I stumbled upon Chulip entirely by accident. I was browsing the U.S. PSN Store for PS2 classics I could play and came across this rather curious title, with the following description:

The love of your life rejected you. Now go around town kissing citizens and improving your reputation to win her affections.

How could I not buy this game?

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I’m glad I did. How would I describe Chulip from my own personal experience? First, let me tell you a little something about myself. I’ve never tried drugs. I’m not going to spark up some drug debate, but needless to say, never tried them. So please understand when I say the following, it’s purely from an imaginative point of view: Playing Chulip is what I’d imagine playing The Sims would be like whilst off your tits on LSD.

Now that that’s off my chest, time to talk about the game. In Chulip, you play as what I presume to be a young man. I’m not quite sure myself, as the character design in this game is bat-shit crazy, but more on that later. You start the game moving into a new town, “Long Life Town,”which seems pretty normal at first, but don’t be fooled—it’s anything but.

The game plays somewhat like Animal Crossing. The player is given certain errands to complete, the first being to meet and greet everyone in the town, and you’re given the freedom to explore this new and unusual town from the get go. New parts of the town are unlocked as you complete certain tasks, and the gameplay itself is challenging, absurdly so, to the point the game was shipped with a guide in the game’s manual.

The plot is simple: The love of your life has no interest in you, and so on your father’s wise advice, you write a love letter—whereupon the mailbox you drop the love letter into spits it back out, and tells you it’s a terrible love letter. Stay with me here. You then meet Mr. Suzuki, who offers to help you get the love of your life, by teaching you to kiss everyone in the town. Tip: This doesn’t work in real life.

The game’s character design is some of the best I’ve seen in a while, because it’s utterly insane, from an old lady constantly giving you the stink eye after every conversation to a telephone pole that accosts you on your initial meeting. Yup, that’s right—a fucking telephone pole, with a face and feet… As I type this, with the game on next to me, I am currently talking to what can only be described as a large ball made of skin, with legs and a large nose, whom has taken it upon himself to instruct me on how to write the perfect love letter. I love this game.

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Could I recommend this game? Yeah, I think so. This game is unreasonably difficult, but the characters are so interesting, and the plot is a fun, original look at love. Just, please don’t bring your Chulip love skills to the real world. It’s not ready for that yet!


What game should I play next for “Have You Ever Played”? It can be for the DS, Game Boy Advance, Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis. Post in the comments!


Article rating: 7.00 BEARDS out of 10

About the Author


Email: brettseeney@hotmail.co.uk

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