This classic GameCola article was originally published in May, 2007.
Do you want something more from life? Do you think there is something more out there—perhaps another world? One that’s…actually real, unlike the world you’re in now? Do you think you’ll be happier knowing that you live in an illusion?
And, most importantly, do you want to kick ass?
If so, why not join Morpheus’ Red Pill Freedom Industries? We’re looking for enthusiastic, willing employees to fight in our little war on the machines. The pay is good, and you’ll get to work with some of the most talented and skilled people in our business.
You’ll get to cast yourself as the prophetic One and free humanity from something that’s really not that bad in the first place. Once you are free from the Matrix and are taught via download all the kung-fu moves needed to kick the enigmatic Agents’ ass, it’s time to go around saving the world.
Here at Morpheus’ Red Pill Freedom Industries, we pride ourselves on our customer service. We aim to provide the slickest control scheme possible, and our on-screen prompts will aid you in all your button-bashing combo-killing needs. We also offer extensive training programs to guide you through all the skills you need to become The One, so you won’t feel out of depth when you step into the Matrix to begin your work.
Our upgrading system will provide you with an easy format with which to further your skills in this business. After each successful job, you will be rewarded a point that you can use to purchase any available new abilities.
Perks will abound once you really begin to excel at your occupation. You’ll gain access to our industry’s older documentation, so you can read about our vivid and illustrious history. You’ll be able to see videos of former employees, old structural designs of the business and art featuring the events of your operations. Other perks will allow you to have even greater abilities and even begin to totally snap the rules of the Matrix by cheating its system. You’ll be working for us for a long time before we’ll grant you these privileges, but they are certainly worth it.
And even if you have pre-conceived notions about how this job will finish, you still won’t truly know what will happen in the end. If you have seen that documentary about a past One called Neo, do not think that your employment will end like his did. History can be rewritten.
So join Morpheus’ Red Pill Freedom Industries. You will find it is a great springboard into the careers of accounting, mercenaring or world-saving.