An adorable Blue Badger keychain! (Thankfully not based on the Proto Badger.)

Chibi Phoenix Wright stickers!

And, the *ahem* poo de grâce:

Phoenix Wright toilet paper!!!

Look for these items and more in a store near you never.

The Simpsons Arcade Game is a Konami beat ‘em up from a time when Konami made really good beat ‘em ups, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It’ll be free to PlayStation Plus members starting on February 7, though no pricing or release date was mentioned for us regular folk. In November the game was rated for the 360 by the Australian games classification board, perhaps indicating a pending XBLA release, as well.

With four-player online co-op and—one hopes—a way to gain extra lives without jamming quarters into your console, this February could mark the first time that anyone has ever gotten to the end of this game. I call Marge.

I’ll believe it when I see it–

TOO CUTE. DAY ONE PURCHASE.

Well, this isn’t really news, is it? We already know the game features full-motion video, because we’ve been bombarded with it in each trailer.

It was revealed at said VIP party that these animated sequences are the work of BONES. That’s the studio responsible for Full Metal Alchemist, which just so happens to be one of my favourite series ever made.

Past triumphs clearly show that BONES can deliver truly beautiful animation, but that is the clincher: we want animation, damn and blast it.

Kind of makes you wish this was coming out for a good system.

I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say, “What we really want to see is a whole series of Phoenix Wright anime episodes.” Get on the blower to Capcom and let them know just how you’re feeling.

In other news, Capcom announced a fifth game in the series without confirming whether or not it would have a U.S. release. At the very least, there is no excuse if they don’t bring the iOS trilogy overseas. Running games from another region has never been a concern for mobile devices, and the games have already been translated before, so think of another excuse Capcom before CANCELLING THAT, TOO!

Why does Capcom like playing with us? In between ruining our lives and imitating infamous movies, Capcom should climb back up to the middle ground and offer us more of what we actually want. Face it, their recent output hasn’t been great, so they can start by bringing the Mega Man Legends 3 prototype to the Nintendo eShop as originally promised. Then we can work from there. Put your back into it, Capcom! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

Thanks to Aubrey for the tip!

While there’s no word yet on when it’s coming out, whether it stars Phoenix Wright or He Who Must Not Be Named, or whether it’s coming out in the U.S., Court-Records.com confirms this morning that the big news Capcom has been hyping for Ace Attorney fans is indeed Ace Attorney 5.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Ace Attorney 5 has been “announced”—we’ve been hearing reports going so far back as 2007 that the game was under development. But at the time, the project was shelved so the developers could work on the Ace Attorney Investigations series (purportedly not due to poor sales, but due to poor fan reception of Apollo Justice).

Also announced this morning was an HD iOS port of the original Phoenix Wright trilogy.

[Edit: Notice Maya's chin. Now you can never un-notice it.]

Both characters, as well as Cole from inFAMOUS and Kuro and Toro from my nightmares will be exclusive to the PS3/Vita releases of Street Fighter X Tekken, which is set to drop in March. Kind of makes you long for DCW’s version of Mega Man, doesn’t it?

Pricing details will be available either before or after E3, but obviously some time before the system actually comes out. Many developers, press packers, and a few homeless people claim to have played or developed for the system, spreading rumors like a raging wildfire.

The Wii U may even be powerful enough to run Pac-Man, or Joust!

One anymous source claims that the Wii U will be twice as powerful as the Xbox 360, while another anonymous source (that I have totally just made up) claims that the Wii U will crap out rainbow cookies. I’m all for the latter. If the Wii U is only just capable of trumping consoles of this generation, I don’t have much faith in Nintendo to do any better than they did with the Wii.

So what does the Wii U have to offer us, besides an opportunity to “Taste the Rainbow” in HD? Capcom soot-sprite Yoshinori Ono seems to think that the system will do quite a few amazing things, some of which they won’t even be able to show on TV or print on the back of the game box! What, does it bleed all over your hands, or something? I can see why they’d keep that hush-hush.

Nintendo took their first annual loss in 30 years, last year. The 3DS must have been a flop then, seeing as the Virtual Boy and Pokémon were released in the last 30 years also.

Whatever Grin are planning to do with the Wii U, they will have to be cautious of the market and make the right moves. So long as those rainbow cookies are guaranteed, I don’t think we’ll ever need another console again.

Well…

The long-awaited (by me) sequel to Stonekeep (called Stonekeep: Bones of the Ancestors) has just been released as a $5 WiiWare title. According to Nintendo.com:

Stonekeep. The legendary city was once ruined by a dark god’s magick, but saved by your ancestors. Now the legend of Stonekeep requires a new hero: You.

Explore dungeons, watch out for deadly traps, fight monsters with a variety of weapons or control dangerous magicks. The choice is yours.

But all is not lost. There are allies within the halls of Stonekeep. Choose one to help lead you to victory.

So, am I happy? Is the nerd in me jumping up and down? Not so fast. Look at those visuals. In a bizarre WTF moment, I can tell that this is not the game I remember. No, this looks like a fully 3D game of unknown origins. An old canceled Sega CD game, perhaps? Seriously, all joking aside—what am I looking at here? Could this be the fabled canceled Stonekeep 2 that never saw the light of day? Tickle me unimpressed so far.

Only time will tell how this game is. (But it has immediately moved to the top of my list of games-to-review.)

Stop. Listen.

That sound you hear is Matt Gardner clearing up hard drive space, because Katawa Shoujou, a new dating sim, was released on Wednesday for free. Of course, this isn’t just any run-of-the-mill dating sim—Katawa Shoujou translates to Disability Girls.

The game follows your character as he attends a school for disabled children, where he can try to get lucky with a deaf girl, a blind girl, a burn victim, a paraplegic amputee, or a girl who lost her arms to a thalidomide birth defect. After five years in development by Four Leaf Studios (started by posters on 4chan, which explains so much), the game is finally available to anybody interested and it’s completely free via the developer’s torrent on this website.

It’s that time of year again: when digital distribution companies declare war on your wallet.

Basically, this is the time of year when all the digital distribution platforms offer dirt-cheap prices on many games both old and new. If you’re a gamer on a tight budget, this is your Boxing Day, except you don’t have to wait in line or fight off an old lady for a toaster oven. The deals change every day, so if you see something you like, get it now.

The Steam Holiday Sale is probably the biggest one out there. Right now you can get Portal 2 for $13, or the entire Telltale Sam & Max series for 75% off. Not to be outdone, Good Old Games currently has 50% off most of their titles, so if you want some awesome older games for cheap, head over there.

So, how fast will Steam’s servers crash due to the massive amount of downloading? I’m betting on about ten minutes.

…from Nintendo

• F-Zero: Maximum Velocity

Great, another Mode 7 game from Nintendo.

• Super Mario Advance 3

Yoshi’s Island, with more levels? Thank you.

• Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Ganon’s minions, why are they here? Stupid.

• Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones

Never played this; strategy games bore me.

• Kirby & the Amazing Mirror

Best game in the series; go play.

• Mario Kart: Super Circuit

Great, another Mode 7 game from Nintendo.

• Mario vs. Donkey Kong

Hmm…bananas. Hmm…bananas. Hmm…bananas. Hmm…

• Metroid Fusion

It is great, but no Zero Mission.

• Wario Land 4

Ukurere Mitaina… Tabiwo Shiyo… Aruite Iko Tsukino…

• WarioWare, Inc.

One minigame is titled “Spunky Monkey.”

Every ambassador, download Amazing Mirror immediately!

These Ambassador games will be out Friday 16th, according to notifications recieved by 3DS owners. I hinted this would be coming really soon in the news I posted last week.