FUNNER fact: GameCola’s very own video walkthrough for Episode 2 of Back to the Future: The Game has been uploaded to our video channel! Come listen to Paul, Michael Gray, and myself offer commentary for the second episode. Watch as my mic cuts out and I try in vein to get Michael and Paul to stop talking about their favorite BttF ships!

…Well, actually, ignore that part. The rest is totally legit and awesome, though. I swear.

Check here, here, here, over here, here again, right here, here, here, and finally, HERE. The last one is in caps because I finally got my mic to work right in that one. AW YEAH.

Stay tuned for Episode 3: Marty Ruins Everything Again.

This classic GameCola post was originally published in January 2011.

It’s always interesting to find creative new ways to replay older games. Here, we see staff writer Matt Jonas (yours truly) trying to play Sonic the Hedgehog with his eyes closed. Watch as he somehow pulls off miraculous stunts you’d think were staged (but weren’t):

We’re all quite shocked by how far he gets.

A race across three continents…

…into the homeland of the enemy….

…in his search for the Holy Grail.

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE.

Have the adventure of your life…

…keeping up with the Joneses.

This is, of course, Thanksgiving as performed by the cast of EarthBound, the quirky SNES RPG that has previously appeared on YouTube in Paul Franzen’s Foppytastic Playthrough—the one that yielded that infamously mangled travesty of transcription, as you may recall. Drop whatever you’re doing and watch this video, or the pilgrims will eat you.

Unfortunately, no one on our staff knows Japanese. This didn’t stop us from making a dub of the movie trailer, though.

It looks like they changed a few things for the movie. For example, Mia is now Phoenix’s twin sister. Also, Maya is pregnant. Pretty crazy stuff. I still think the movie looks pretty decent, though.

The only thing under those tentacles is despair. And another, smaller beard.

Luckily, now that I have met Telltale’s minimum punctuation quota, I am allowed to announce to everyone that Paul and I spent some time and added commentary to the first episode of Back to the Future: The Game, which was uploaded by Michael Gray and then left forsaken and alone, like so many of his illegitimate children.

And like so many of Michael’s illegitimate kids, Paul and I were able to give these videos the proper care they deserved. So come watch as Michael shows you what to do, and Paul and I talk about something completely random! You’ll learn about weddings! Episodic games! And sometimes we even have something interesting to say about the game itself!

For convenience, I’ve included the first video below. You can find the rest here, here, there, over here, behind this rock, underneath one of Michael’s kids, behind Paul’s beard, through the gumdrop forest, somewhere over the rainbow, and obscured by Paul’s incorrect pronunciation of the word “Mario.”

Stay tuned! More videos to follow. These will have less discussion about book series that Paul made up. I promise.

Get ready for the six most uncomfortable minutes of your afternoon!

I can’t wait until he starts a Let’s Play channel on YouTube.

This scene happens right after the main character, Junpei, and his schoolmate/possible love interest June are debating heading into an unexplored elevator. June is apprehensive, because she thinks the elevator might lead into a room filled with water, with no way to escape,  and Junpei…thinks they’re talking about something else entirely.

It’s possibly the longest-running double-entendre ever in a videogame. Check it out!

Dialogue like this is one of the many reasons you should check out 999 yourself! …Is what I’d like to say, but there aren’t any other scenes like this anywhere in the game. Or in ANY OTHER GAMES, for that matter, with the possible exception of the sort Matt Gardner reviews.

I’m glad we could clear that up.

Welcome to “Speak American,” where we take a look at several games from all genres, formats and generations that have one thing in common—they all have the poor taste to speak some kind of gibberish that isn’t even American. We’ll examine these games to see if we unilingual Americans can actually play them and, if we can, to see if they’re worth playing in the first place.

Come waste a quarter-hour of your life that you can never get back with:

- Tsukikomori – A haunted house game that seems to be fixated with floating heads and video editing suites.

- Bio Miracle Bokutte Epa – A game in which a baby crawls around a world made of candy, braining pigs with his baby bottle.

- Momotaro Dentetsu – Ever play Monopoly but think to yourself, “This game needs more horses dressed like businessmen, demons, unicorn ladies, scenes of men eating fried chicken with cats in a sinking kayak, and women riding ghosts”?  NO, OF COURSE YOU HAVEN’T!  NOBODY HAS!  WHO THE HELL MADE THIS GAME?!

- I wade through the flood of viewer comments since the last episode on the GCDotNet YouTube page.

- AND A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE FROM PHOENIX WRIGHT!