DISCLAIMER: I, by no means, hate the Nintendo Entertainment System, or its seemingly endless list of games. You, the reader, may be under the impression that, because my last two or three reviews have been slightly venomous, that I am either against the NES or a total jerk. One statement may be true, but I can assure you that I am very fond of this classic and timeless system. Now, this next review may be a bit mean, but it is because of the game itself, and not because I hate everything. I will try to review a good game next month so that you can see just how nice I can be…even thought it will be boring. Let’s face it folks, being mean is just a lot more fun.
Which brings me to the game I was assigned to review this month, NARC. Like you, when I first heard of it, I thought it might be what the new movie is based off of, and therefore, be a totally kickass vigilante blast with trenchcoats and shotguns up the wahzoo. Instead, we have two biker guys who drive a car and have rocket launchers. Even thought the components are pretty decent, the result is anything but. Basically, you walk the streets getting shot at mercilessly as you return fire to endless swarms of drug thugs. Eventually, you die. I wish there was more to this game to talk about, but that’s pretty much it. Oh, and you drive the car in level three. It still sucks.
Even though the game sucks in general, one key point of suckage to bring up is the control. Basically, mashing the A and B buttons can make you jump, shoot your regular gun, shoot your rockets, kick, and basically any other game function. In other words, the controls are loose, and moreso, very, very unreliable. Oh, and don’t even try to kill the dogs. I mean, in most games, when the dog attacks, all you hafta do is crouch and shoot, right? Well, there’s no crouching in this game. So what do you do? Die. That or turning off the game are the only ways to get out of that messy and above all un-fun situation.
And what about the message of the game? People are taking drugs, so they must be brutally annihilated by two bikers with Uzis and rocket launchers? I mean, whatever happened to rehab or detox? How about good, ol’ fashioned jail time? Has it really come to this? Drugs are bad news, don’t get me wrong, but I think this is just a tad rash. The slogan on the cover says, “Just say NO,” but that’s kinda hard when the walking death machines are marching down the streets spraying bullets everywhere. I’d love to see someone try to stand up to that and “Just say NO.” That’d take some balls.
Overall, the game is poorly conceived and totally un-fun. You’d think guys walking down the street with guns killing every single person in sight would be cool, but they couldn’t even pull that off. I really hope they weren’t relying on a deep, intriguing storyline. Bottom line, if you have the means to pick this game up, don’t. And no need to thank me, either. Just think of me as a civil servant.
Oh, wait. There was one cool part. You know when you shoot the dude with the rocket launcher and his body parts fly all over the screen? …Nevermind. That sucked.