A Very Special Announcement from Neal Iannone

This is taken directly from Neal's post on the Minibosses message board, which can be visited here.  Send some replies around, I'm sure many will appreciate it! So, I'm going around the Internet in a

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This is taken directly from Neal’s post on the Minibosses message board, which can be visited here.  Send some replies around, I’m sure many will appreciate it!

So, I’m going around the Internet in a pathetic attempt to kill time until my inevitable death when I once again return to Twin Galaxies.  I say, “Hey… Twin Galaxies… again… okay whatever”.  And I continue to dick around there.  Then I check the scoreboard at some games I would hail myself as being “above average” at and see what indeed the world’s finest score would be for them.  Most were impressive, but none piqued my interested more than the high score for Legendary Wings.  The score, held by one Mr. Alex Parker, is a somewhat astonishing 10,102,400 .  This is quite a feat due to the fact that upon beating  the game, you should have accumulated about 1,000,000.  This means that Mr. Parker had to have beaten the game about ten times in a row.

Now, what Mr. Parker didn’t count on was that there was someone out there, someone who has nothing to contribute to life.  Someone with countless worthless hours to squander on such a pointless venture.  He never thought that someone would even dream about overthrowing his ten beating lead.  He would have rested assured that no one would ever try to lay a hand on his precious world-wide score hold.

He was wrong.

Beating Legendary Wings is no longer an accomplishment.  I’ve done it.  I’ve done it countless times.  I’ve done it month after month.  What I haven’t done is resumed playing after they start you off on the first level with your still counting score and your previous powers in had.  Never before did I think that there was more to my conquest of Legendary Wings until that fateful day at Twingalaxies.com.  I will not simply “beat” Alex Parker’s score.  That would be no accomplishment to simply get 11,000,000.  If you’ll notice, that is precisely how Mr. Alex Parker received his first place standing.  The second score, held by Errol Dempster, was an impressive 10,068,400.  That means that Parker dethroned the previous holder by an unmassive 34,000 points.  By simply surpassing his score by mere thousands would be an insult.  That would be a kick in the balls to both he and I.  I can see no other way than to shatter his score.  Only by doubling it at a whopping 20,000,000 will my hunger for accomplishment be satiated.  This is my quest.

And yes, this WILL take a good deal of time commitment.  I did the math.  After I had first gotten the idea I went down to my lair and beat the game straight through, monitoring my time.  A full game beating takes about 45 to 50 minutes.  At about 1,000,000 points per beat, that would take me 50 minutes 20 times, or 1000 minutes.  That’s roughly 16 hours to beat the game 20 times in a row.  You can bet this is going to require an early start and a hearty breakfast.  I also need to get one of those TG referees at my house.  Sending in photos and video will not be convincing enough.  Ref rulings are final and non-negotiable.  That sucks for him, though.  I mean, it seems like a good job, but these guys have to go to some guy’s house and watch him play video games for hours at a time.  I think that would actually be a little boring, seeing as though first, I can’t stand watching my friend play Zelda alone for like 10 minutes, and second, we aren’t talking about 10 or 15 or 20 minutes… we are talking about 16 HOURS.  That’s not a small chunk of time, folks.

So anyway, that’s my epic quest of dorkdom and I just wanted to use my big great 200th post to make the announcement.  Yeah, I know some of you are in the 500’s or 1000’s but so what, my computer is an asshole.  Anyway, getting back, if anyone actually read all that I thank you for actually giving a shit about my little geeky quest and even if you don’t give a shit, thanks for reading.  I’ll be sure to let you know more once I actually get around to doing it and also when and if they put it up on their site, as the world’s greatest Legendary Wings score of all time.  Hooray.  Yep…

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About the Contributor


From 2002 to 2004

Neal Iannone is a former staff member from GameCola's early days as a monthly email newsletter.

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