Got a few minutes to kill? Of course you do. You’re reading GameCola. But that also means you can enjoy Bandai’s super-powered wrestling adventure, M.U.S.C.L.E.. By the way, since it’s a pain in the ass to write M.U.S.C.L.E. with all the capitals and periods, for the rest of the review, I will type it as “Muscle.” I hope no one minds, but then again, I really don’t care. If my changing the manner in which the game’s title is presented offends you, then you probably won’t enjoy my bashing of the many setbacks the game has, so piss off. I don’t want you reading my review anyhow.
What were we talking about again? Ahh, yes…Muscle. There’s not much to it, so I’ll explain it all right here. You start out and you select two characters (it’s a tag-team, in case you were wondering), and then if you are playing with a friend, he/she selects two different characters. You then appear in the ring, ready to rumble. At first, it is a standard match, with grab and jump moves (especially with the rope bounces, a very nice addition I must say, especially for its time), but then it gets tricky when a power-up is tossed into the ring. Whoever gets to it first goes berserk and can use his special move on his opponent. Once someone gets to use their power, it’s pretty much over for the other guy, that is unless he can get to his corner and tag his partner. In either case, the match continues until someone drops.
And thus, the next match begins. What’s cool is that while the first match takes place in a regular wrestling ring, the second and third are a touch more intense. The second match is on an iced ring and the third is in an electrified ring, making the rope bounces an impossibility. That’s basically it. There’s only one thing you need to know about Muscle, and that is it’s not a long term game. It’s good if you are trying to kill a few minutes between actual significant events in your life. Play for more than a few minutes and you will grow tired of it fast. You will become so bored that you will contemplate killing yourself. If anyone I don’t like is reading this, please play Muscle for an extended period of time.
It’s enough fun for a good ol’ battle, but that’s basically it. The graphics are reminiscent of Atari 2600, and the sound isn’t much farther behind. I’m not even going to say that you should or shouldn’t pick up this game by merely the graphics or sound, because I’ve already told you like 20 times by now that it’s a very casual game. It’s very user friendly and very easy to pick up. This is something a girl can handle. Don’t take offense to that, female GameCola staff members. You gotta admit that the usual girl doesn’t know her Toadstools from her Zeldas.
Okay, this is the part of the review where I would recap and reflect on the different aspects of the game as well as poke my last bit of fun at it, but I’m already done. There’s really nothing more to say about it. It’s simple, it’s relatively fun, and it’s a graphical nightmare. Just find it at a flea market or something and give it a shot. Stop wasting my time. What do you think, I just sit around all day and write reviews so I can save you money you would have spent on some POS game? First, buying shitty games is how you learn to control your money output, and second, I don’t really care what you play anyway. I don’t’ even think anyone else ‘sides me even buys NES games anymore. Ahh, it’s too hot…