(Editor’s note: This article was originally published in the March 2007 issue of GameCola, back when GameCola was published in a monthly online magazine format.)
GameCola Headquarters
College Park, MD 20740
March 1, 2007
Dear Readers,
You know I’ve been doing this for like five years, right? Five whole years. That’s probably longer than some of you have been alive. That’s with one Dear Readers per month, one (at least!) review per month, one Digital Championship Wrestling per month, and one Gates of Life every other month. And that’s to say nothing of my old monthly column and the various feature articles I’ve written. And that’s also to say nothing of spending my off-time writing for a University of Maryland college publication, as well as a magazine devoted to the best sorts of drapery to hang up in your dining room. (As it turns out, spoiler alert, the best kinds are generally the ones made by companies advertising in the magazine.)
Which takes us to the part of the article where I whine dramatically about needing a break, because that’s what we Internet writers love to do. (It’s one of our favorite activities, actually, next to “getting attention via announcing a retirement” and “getting attention via announcing a comeback.”) I’m friggin’ tired, so instead of writing a full Dear Readers column for my dear readers this month, I’m going to publish a bunch of amazing message board posts I’ve read over the past few weeks. Amazing, in a “how are these possibly not made up” kind of way. They’re all from GameFAQs, and I swear on my boxed copy of Chrono Trigger that they’re all absolutely real.
Enjoy!
You get your ass kicked my town for having an unmodded PS2.
Here are all the “fantastic” Dreamcast games listed in alphabetical order:
Crazy Taxi
Don’t get a paintball gun, weirdos play paint ball, even tho it is fun, dont un less you really really want to, trust me girls dont like the bois who play paintball. DS lites are really fashionable right now, almost like ipods, so, Go with dsl, the ladies seem to enjoy playin with it, and i garentee you will to, with the emense amounts of games otu for it now.
I do play with my wii in the shower.
GameCube’s still alive.
Gamecube is the worst system ever the graphics r slightly better than the ps2 but there r like 3 good games the ps2 and xbox is so much better i’d rather have a ps1 . and what a good name game cube why not fun box or playsquare seriously this is the worst system ever made even worse than the gizmondo and n-gadge combined.i’d rather live in a box than play the gamecube
PS3 is not expensive I mean cmon I was an illegal immigrant 1year ago So how can a “Low-class” hispanic buy one. Not to mention have a pretty sweet set-up for it also
i have a job , and well if you have known about the ps3 for as long as many of us have , you have had a long time to save its just your fault for buying candy and porn
A PS3 is a masterpiece of engineering. If you want to compare to 360, and Wii, PS3 has the best of both worlds, mixed of fast paced Western action games and poetic Japanese RPGs. Not only that, it includes a Blu-Ray player which a stand-alone would cost $1k. With higher disc space and durability, Blu-Ray is the better DVD replacement as we move into the HD era.
So I recently bought a Buy It Now Final Fantasy V: Advance game, it said New and sealed. I figured that I would be fine with this one. I paid the normal price and the seller was from New Jersey. This is what I received…
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/t8m4n/DSCN1280.jpg
And just to point out the things that are wrong with it…
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/t8m4n/Box1.jpg
This was what I lol’d at the most.
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b108/t8m4n/box2.jpg
So there you have it. You can buy from what looks like a totally honest seller, and receive the same crappy bootlegs. I just thought I’d share this experience with you all, hopefully you can learn from it.
I wish they would port Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest to Game Boy Advance. That game is phenomenal.
I think they should make a modern world, 50 Cent-themed RPG.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE on behalf of all humans who have a semblance of a brain in the name of all that is somewhat intelligent we implore you to stop using “yr” (or “ur”) as “your”.
Seriously … stop.
Lets face it. The PSP is a dead system. Its already going the way of the Dreamcast.
The largest video game retailer in the country no longer has faith in the PSP. That’s not a good sign.
The portable wars are over.
PSP RIP 2005-2007
haha you bought condoms off ebay …. thats sad
There is now 1 syllable for “Perfection,”
That syllable is “Wii.”
graphics are everything in my opinion
i dont think graphics are important but the 360 & PS3 fanboys only have graphics over anything the Wii has.
well games are like girls. of course you want a girl with great game-play, but do you really want to be seen with a girl with horrible graphics? 😉
Go back to your childrens board. And child it up with all the other children over there. This is the board where there’s actual intelligent conversations going on. This is no place for you.
[Which isn’t funny in itself, but the board he’s talking about is GameFAQs.]
well my last thread was unjustly deleted under the grounds that there “arent 96 rpgs on the 360” which is actually quite shocking to me since I am likely being told that by someone that doesnt have a complete 360 collection such as myself.
Anyway I already argued my point and explained perfectly well WHY every game on the 360 at least has the sub genre of rpg.
Is madden 07 a sports game? yes
is nba 2k7 a sports game? Yes
but they are both also rpgs – you can build up stats in certain modes in BOTH games, you can take on the role of head coach for the team you want, you can control specific players, you can make a character in your image and build him up from the ground level etc. Yes they are sports games but denying they are also TECHNICALLY RPGS is incorrect.
As a collector of over 6,000 games I think that makes my point MORE than valid. And even if people dislike me or like me a view of me has no bearing on how correct or incorrect my reasoning is.
i am not 12 12 year olds would not explain their logic with such refined clarity.
Girls buying things for me makes me feel strange… I wouldn’t accept it even if she wanted to. Girls are extremely tight with their money, everyone knows this and thus it’s probably best you let her keep it. She might need it for barber college or something.
Just because I spend more “cash” on my fiancee than she spends on me, doesn’t mean we aren’t in a good relationship. For one, the average male will ALWAYS make more money than the female so we have more money to spend. The courtship ritual is also about the Male impressing the Female since the female really has the power to decide since men NEED sex.
Also, so she doesn’t spend money on me, I get enough out of her in other ways to make up for what I spend on her. And while she doesn’t spend the money on “me” she spends it on “us” on the bills and such. Also if the guy doesn’t do anything about it, its not her fault..
if i slice off the edges of a gameboy color cart, will it work in my DS?
I killed every single person that complained about ebay prices, hence there is no more of those people.
We are looking for more people to tattoo our website on themselves to establish the new world record category for “Website Tattooed on the Most People”. We already have a small number of people with our site tattooed on them and are looking for a few more people who wouldn’t mind the national attention. Come be part of history!
Well, that was one heck of a break! But, in all honesty, it’s just great to be back. Back to the ol’ grindstone. I’ve missed grinding.
Real quick, while it’s still on my mind: As hinted at in this very column last month, we’ve been toying around with a new layout for our Web site. (Expect it some time within the next few presidential administrations.) The newsletter itself will remain mostly unchanged, but other parts of the site (bet you never even noticed the navigational bar up top!) need an upgrade.
So if you have any suggestions for new sections to the site, sections we should get rid of or sections that need to be changed, post about them in the comments section here.
Also (and I know you were going to do this anyway, but just to make sure!), please be sure to read Cheat Codes for Life this month and then e-mail Zack about your favorite PC games. He’s opening his offerings of advice to the public; you’d be a fool not to accept!
OK, I think that’s all I’ve got this month. Read the issue, give us any feedback you think of, and, if you could, refer us to a friend, as you’re probably our only reader.
Love,
Paul Franzen
editor in chief
e-mail: pfranzen@gamecola.net
