Over 8 million people purchased Halo 3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sold a whopping 12 million. And Nintendo can’t defecate out Pokémon and “Wii Insert Random Thing To Do Here” games fast enough to completely satisfy the masses. But with all these amazing successes, there have been numerous games and even complete series that have fallen to the wayside. Remember: for every Super Mario Bros., there’s a Shutokou Battle 2: Drift King Keichii Tsuchiya & Masaaki Bandoh. As a proud gamer, I feel that it is my privilege—nay, my duty—to take some time and offer a brief glimpse at many of the games that disappeared into bargain bins and trash bins alike due to overshadowing from more prominent titles, as well as titles that will forever remain sequestered within one region of the world. You’d better be prepared to be educated a little, because there is much that you haven’t seen.

SEPTEMBER 2010: Kat’s Run: Zen Nihon K Car Senshuken (Super Famicom)

*CRACK*

Did I hear the sound of cocaine in the distance?

NO…THAT WAS THE SOUND OF MY ACHING BACK AS IT CRACKS ITS WAY BACK TO LIFE.

Sounds like you’re getting lazier these days. Too many hours on the couch playing videogames?

I GUESS. BEEN PLAYING HALO: REACH FOR DAYS NOW. YOU INTO THAT?

Nope. I did play Tiny Toon Adventures for the NES, though. That game is damn near impossible to beat.

HOLY SHIRLEY THE LOON! YOU’RE A 20-SOMETHING GO-GETTER AND YOU’RE PLAYING STUPID KIDDY GAMES LIKE THAT TO PASS THE TIME? DEAR SWEET FUDGY GOODNESS! YOU BETTER NOT BE USING THEM TINY TOOTS AS YOUR OBSCURE GAME BECAUSE FRANKLY, THAT’S NOT OBSCURE ENOUGH FOR AN ARTICLE OF THIS CALIBER, LOW THOUGH IT IS.

Nah, that’d be lazy of me. This month’s game is Kat’s Run: Zen Nihon K Car Senshuken for the Super Famicom. Shuffled out quietly in 1995, it never came out in North America or Europe. Purely a racing title, Kat’s Run plays quite similarly to games such as Super Mario Kart and Top Gear.

ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT’S THE STORY BEHIND IT?

Well, that’s where I ran into a bit of a snag. You see, aside from a black screen of Japanese text and a short cutscene at the beginning depicting various vehicles making their way across an intersection, there’s nothing I can muster up. I can’t read Japanese, and even if you try Googling your way into information, you’ll wind up nowhere. This is seriously something obscure. And I’m quite surprised, considering it was a game from Atlus. They’re pretty well-known, especially nowadays thanks to awesome releases such as Demon’s Souls and 3D Dot Game Heroes.

DID THEY MAKE TINY TOON ADVENTURES?

No.

GOOD. ALL RIGHT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW JACK ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON, AT LEAST TELL ME ABOUT HOW IT PLAYS. I’M IN NO MOOD FOR LOLLYGAGGING. I NEED TO GET BACK TO MY FRAGGING.

Your colon needs to be fragged with an enema, dude. Well, it’s a very straightforward racing game. You get to select a few options before hitting the mean streets. After choosing whether or not you want to play alone or with a confused buddy, you can select whether to take a straight path or a branching path style of racetrack. Then pick your character out of ten possible candidates, none of which seem to have any differentiating statistics other than facial structures and wild Japanese hairstyles. Then choose your vehicle out of ten models. I suggest going with the Wagon R—nothing beats burnin’ rubber with a station wagon. I can’t tell the difference between any of the cars, as such stats aren’t openly made public in the game’s menu. Also, a newspaper background scrolls as you select your character and vehicle, boasting headlines such as “KIWIS BY BEAT” and “sphemy cats.” Doesn’t that seem unusual?

I ONCE HAD A CAT WHO SPHEMIED ALL OVER THE RUG.

Yuck. Anyway, then you head out to the lovely Mode-7 racetrack set, and there’s nothing overly special about these that hasn’t already been explored in other SNES racing games. The wheels make really weird squeaky noises when you turn, if that’s notable. But more notable than that is the fact that when you finish one racetrack, you’re immediately shifted into the next one with the same place ranking as before, so don’t even stop driving until the game tells you to! Ack! …but I sucked at this game.

KAT’S RUN…IS IT WORTH PICKING UP?

If you like racing games and just happen to have a Super Famicom, I suppose another one wouldn’t hurt. You could also get it just to show your support for Atlus. We love you, Atlus!

TAKE IT OUTSIDE, FANBOY. NOW I’M GOING BACK TO MY HALO, AND YOU CAN TRY TINY TOON ADVENTURES AGAIN… WUSS…

Montana Max must die!!!