Versus Mode: Kinect, Grinding, The Jungle, and More [NSFW]

Topics in gaming news debated by GameCola writers and industry professionals.

In this edition of “Versus Mode” we have:

 

METEO XAVIER vs. JUSTIN LUSCHINSKI

Meteo Xavier is a current GameCola staff member who writes reviews, and he also recorded the theme song for The GameCola Podcast. This is his third appearance in “Versus Mode,” having written previously with Colin Greenhalgh and in NewbieMania.

Justin Luschinski is a current GameCola staff member who writes reviews and the occasional blog post, and this is his second appearance in “Versus Mode,” having written previously in NewbieMania II.

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1. The Kinect is just stupid.

Meteo Xavier: Isn’t the world suffering enough from global economic war, super overpopulation, and everything the white man has ever done throughout history? It’s not enough that I sit at a computer from sun-up to sun-down every day of my life to get paid for 33 hours; now I have to try to squelch my rage for Microsoft and their secret floating continents of cash that fund these horrible projects that philosophically shoot tachyons of radiation straight into my prostate?

I consider myself a videogame buff and, very frankly, I have never considered Microsoft a “game company.” That title is reserved for Nintendo, Atari, Sega, and Sony. Microsoft has always been some sort of inbred Johnny Come Lately and All Over The Floor. They have succeeded where others have not, but, really, it’s because they had the money and name recognition to do it. Paul McCartney could’ve probably had the same success if he wanted to launch a major console. My only real surprise thus far is that they haven’t tried to design their own handheld console that plays Xbox games.

Kinect reaffirms my lack of faith in Microsoft as a game company. Nintendo only conquered the world of IR-controlled games four years ago, and now Microsoft decides they want a piece of the pie? Go back to making populist computers and frat-boy games, you cheeseface motherfuckers!

Justin Luschinski: Jeez, can we stop it with the Kinect hate? I know us gamers are cynical and all about motion gaming, but you’re looking at this all wrong! With the Kinect, we are that much closer to inventing the holodeck from Star Trek! That’s awesome, right? Oh, there appear to be videos attached to this news post—advertisements, I guess. Let’s take a watch–OH CHRIST HURBBHABABHAHBHBAHBBAA.

*pant* *pant*

OK, I’m really sorry about that; the sight of no gameplay and kids getting into the fetal position with cute music playing was a little much. Let’s check out some of these other ads–OH GOD CASUAL GAMERS HURBHAHBAHBAHBAHBHABHAB.

*pant* *pant*

All right, I’m just going to not watch the last one. 

Yeah, these really don’t show the gameplay at all, which isn’t really a good sign. I’m pretty sure even a guy who’s never played a game in his life would look at those ads and wonder why these strange people are doing their bloodletting ritual in their living room. Well, OK, he’d probably just recognize it for the schlock it is, but my explanation was better.

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 2. Grinding is always a bad thing.

Meteo: Nothing is ever always a bad thing, unless it includes financially supporting modern stand-up comics who aren’t Mitch Hedberg (God rest his acid soul). I think if the overall flow of the game is decent enough, go ahead and grind your life away!

That’s what grinding is at its heart; it tackles the flow of the game. When grinding for levels or items makes it hard to flow alongside the game, it can be killer, but it’s not always the same. Some games just have a system in place where the battle and command is actually hella fun—plus, grinding is just a ***damn videogame institution.

For examples, see the following:

GOOD Grinding:
1. Final Fantasy XII
2. EarthBound
3. Secret of Mana
4. Pokémon Red (and maybe others; I’ve only played this one)
5. Super Paper Mario

BAD Grinding:
1. 7th Saga
2. Dragon Quest I-VIII
3. Most strategy RPGs like Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy Tactics
4. Final Fantasy IV DS
5. Paper Mario (N64)

Justin: Humph. Bioware? Those bunch of squares? We have to talk about them? Pshaw. They aren’t so cool. Did you know that one time I actually went to Edmonton, and was in a hotel room literally down the street from them, and they didn’t respond to my e-mail I sent asking for a tour? It was only a day before I arrived coming all the way from Winnipeg, but noooooo, they’re too Hollywood to answer an e-mail from a college student who, on a whim, wants them to reveal all their secret development projects. Assholes.

But on topic, I can understand their logic in spacing the content out. An MMO, hell, even a super-large game like Fallout or Oblivion, is a game that is about quantity over quality. Some of the grindy bits are OK, but at the same time, you don’t want the game to get bogged down in it; otherwise, only the uber-nerds will play. But at the same time, grinding is the thing that keeps people coming back, so it’s good that Bioware is concerned about its balance.

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3. $300 would be way too much for the 3DS.

Meteo: Really? $300? Damn. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a handheld console go that damn high, but considering some of the titles I’ve seen coming out for the 3DS so far, the price might be justified (at least to the multitude of Professor Layton and Phoenix Wright fanboys out there).

I myself can’t do 3D, and I have some reservations about how that technology might hold up after three or four years when the 3DS goes down considerably in price. Still, a system can easily be worth whatever it charges if it has the software to back it up.

Justin: Well, they’ve lowered the price since then to $250, which is still a hell of a lot of money! And all this for a 3D gimmick? Hell no! The DSi retailed for $150, and that also had a graphics update and a gimmick, except that one actually worked! Some people even experience migraines when watching 3D movies, and while you can adjust the 3D effect of the 3DS, it still means you’re paying a lot of money for something a lot of people can’t use. Why not just get an iPhone?

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4. The Jungle sounds like a great system.

Meteo: No, it doesn’t.

Justin: Well, who’s ready for some…”jungle fever”?

…

OK, I’m sorry. I had to say it.

Color me intrigued, but with the 3DS coming soon, and the fact that an MMO is not the sort of pick-up-and-play thing that would work well with a handheld console, I’m really wondering what the point is. I can pause most games on the DS; I can’t pause an MMO. Are you really so addicted that you must raid Molten Core with your party, barking orders into the small device while in line at Subway? Or on the bus?

Plus, one of their first games is a Battlestar Galactica MMO, and I hate that show. Press X to suddenly become a Cylon with no buildup in the story whatsoever.

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5. The real world needs to have Achievements, too.

Meteo: Fuck yes! This could finally shut up parents around the world who think videogames make us lazy as the sacks of shit outside my door that keep coming from somewhere with huge threatening notes in Arabic and make it impossible for me to leave the house or sleep or generally do anything besides cower in a corner with a loaded .44 magnum picking off cockroaches and ants in my kitchen.

If I could get an Achievement for that, I’d be sitting pretty for a while.

Justin: Well, color me intrigued, and slightly pathetic. See, this is an awesome idea for ski-ers (Skiites? Skitties? Skittles?), but it’s not exactly going to work in real life, is it? How many gamerpoints do I get for “Achievement unlocked! Left the house.” Would I get 50 gamerscore for: “So, that was my weekend, how was yours?: Survive a terrorist attack.” How about a gold PlayStation Trophy for: “Hey, she wasn’t that hot anyways: Get forcibly pushed into the friends zone.”  

Don’t we already have these things? Do we really need a system telling us our Achievements in life? Can’t we figure that stuff out on our own? Are we really THAT close to the end of the human race? At this rate, I’m going to be out fifty bucks, guys. Get more independent, Humanity!

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 Do you own or write for a videogame website or blog? Are you involved in the videogame industry? Do you…at least work at GameStop, or something? Well then, you’re just what we’re looking for! E-mail Editor-in-Chief Paul Franzen for details about participating in “Versus Mode.”