Fabricated News: New 3DS to Be Renamed “Wii 3”

Nintendo of America has announced that they are ditching the New 3DS name in favor of the Wii 3.

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The new Nintendo 3DS is called the “New 3DS”, which could be the laziest console name of all time. It’s not just lazy—it’s also confusing! What’s the difference between a new 3DS and a New 3DS? Is there a new New 3DS, or a used New 3DS? And is it just me, or does it look exactly like the Old 3DS?

The new 3DS

To help avoid confusion, Nintendo of America has announced that they are ditching the “New 3DS” name, in favor of the “Wii 3”. They are confident that no one will have any problems with the name after this.

“The Wii 3 plays in 3D, so the name makes perfect sense,” said Nintendo of America President Mario Mario. “As for the release date…well…we’ve still got a lot of unsold 3DS units in America. We want to sell all of them first, before releasing the new one.”

“Why would anyone buy the old 3DS when there’s a new one coming out?” asked a news reporter.

“Uh…gee, I dunno. We hope they’ll buy our outdated junk anyway,” Mr. Mario said. “But, don’t worry! To make sure non-Japanese people don’t get the superior hardware early, we region-locked it. You’re welcome.”

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About the Contributor


From 2007 to 2016

Michael Gray is a staff writer for GameCola, who focuses on adventure games, videos and writing videogame walkthroughs.

1 Comments

  1. I’ve envisioned that the problem could be solved if the populace were willing to use terms like “unopened” and “3DS Classic,” as opposed to “new” and “Old 3DS.”

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