Chapter Eleven:
WTF??
Random Passerby: It’s a tree… why the hell are they having problems deciding which way to go around it?
In the confusion to decide which way to go around the tree, Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and Rivers split up and each went different directions around the tree. Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora went to the right of the tree, and Rivers went to the left. A few seconds later, Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora was on the other side of the tree waiting for Rivers, but when he looked back he noticed Rivers sprawled out on the ground.
Render: HA! I KNEW there was a forcefield on that side!
Rivers: Awhu.. then why didn’t you tell me about it?
Rivers pulled himself up and went around the other side of the tree to meet Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora.
Render: There are just some things a man has to figure out for himself.
Rivers: What?! That’s a horrible reason!
Render: Oh well, there’s no time to waste arguing about this; we’d best be on our way.
Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and Rivers walked a short distance before the random passerby that had noticed them earlier appeared in front of their path.
Random Passerby: d00d, why’d you fall down next to that tree?
Rivers: There was a forcefield!
Random Passerby: Lame.
Render: So, Random Passerby, do you have a name?
Random Passerby: But of course, my good man! I am the Glorious Lord Eric, Grand Master Barbarian Mage of the Third Cave of Hariant!
Rivers: Uh…
Render: His name’s longer than mine…
Rivers: Yeah it is, a whole lot longer.
Render: Well that’s not gonna work. I’m the leader, I should have the longest name!
Rivers: Let’s change it to just “Eric”, then.
Render: Better yet, Enrique!
Rivers: All right then. Your new name is Enrique.
Enrique: Cool.
Rivers: While we’re at it, I’d like to change my name. I’ve been with the group a while and I think i deserve a longer name.
Render: All right then, as long as it’s not half as long as mine.
Rivers: It’s not! Call me… Rivers FUSION!
Render & Enrique: ……..
Rivers: C’mon! ‘Cause of my fusion powers!
Render: What ever you want. Now, let’s get going before that he/she giant cat thing catches
up with us. You’re part of the group now, Enrique; let’s go.
Enrique: w00!
The group, now with one more member, continues their flight from the angry Najen/Barin power duo. A very short time later, they are stopped once again by a strange looking creature.
Strange Creature: Hello travelers, might I interest you i…
Render: No time, strange creature! Come with us and we’ll talk later.
Now with four members, including the addition of the strange creature, the group continues its trek. An even shorter time later they are stopped once again, this time by a large stone wall.
Render: Augh! We don’t have time for this!! Get out of the way and we’ll let you join us, large
stone wall.
Large Stone Wall: Mmmmm… urrrrrrrrr… ohhkaaay yooomaahhhn…
Render: It’s not “human”, it’s Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora. I’ll introduce everyone
later, let’s go!
The group of five resumed the journey, and surprisingly were not slowed down at all by the addition of a large stone wall. Despite that fact, they were stopped yet again shortly after, this time by none other than the two-headed wonderbeast Najenbarin.
Najenbarin: So, I’ve finally caught up with you, meow!
Render: AAAAAHH! DAMN IT ALL! I’m just trying to get practically four feet from the damned cave to the ship and every two seconds I’m getting stopped by these RANDOM ENCOUNTERS! And now she’s caught up with us AGAIN! How many times are we supposed to face her before she’s gone for good?!
In a burst of anger, Captain “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora threw down the controller in his hands, sending it crashing to the ground.
Rivers: HEY!! That was mine you big jerk!
Enrique: d00d where’d you get a controller?
Render: That’s not important right now! First we have to deal with Najenbarin AGAIN!
Rivers: The left analog stick is all loose.. and it’s got dirt all in it…
Najenarin: You won’t get from meow this time, meow!
Enrique: Uh.. what’s goin’ on with her?
Render: Oh.. Rivers “Fusion” over there fused this girl with her boyfriend.. who happened to be a
cat at the time.
Enrique: Freaky.
Render: Tell me about it.
Rivers: And these buttons stick every time you press ’em.. I have to keep hitting the side of it to
be able to come out so I can press ’em again…
Najearin: Meow! Stop meowing side conversations and meow attention to MEOW!!
Large Stone Wall: Thiiiis iiiiss noooo yoooo-maaahn… buuuut iiiisss aaaaarrrohhgaaaahhnt liiiike aaaa yoooooo-maaaahhn… Thee fyooooozhuuhhn muuuhst beee truue.
Strange Creature: Yes, I suppose that one there lamenting the loss of that strange thing he’s holding must really have fusion powers… interesting…
Rivers: The right side is all cracked open, too…
Najerin: MEOW MEOW I’LL MEOW YOU!!
Render: Ugh.. will you just sh….
Render froze in the middle of his sentence when he turned around to finally pay full attention to Najerin. Apparently something strange was happening with the fusion, and the two heads were slowly being fused together.
Najrin: Meow are meow looking at, meow?!
Everyone: …
Najin: Meow Meow me!!
Everyone: …
Nain: MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW!!!!
With that final meow, Nain seemingly exploded in a large burst of fire and smoke and leaves and dirt. There was no change of anyone having their attention focused on something else at this point, and the group just stared wide-eyed at the explosion.
Nain: What in the world…
The group was confused at how Nain could have survived, and waited for the smoke to clear to see what had become of her.
Render: The smoke is clearing up… I think I can see something…
Rivers: This is completely useless now… you owe me a new one…
Render: I definitely see something now… what is i… HOLY CRAP! It’s ________!
Which Gate Do You Choose?
Dugo!
Render: How in the world did Dugo get back here?
Najen and Barin!
Render & Rivers: Najen and Barin are back in their true forms?!
Render & Rivers: Oh $#@%.
Tryn!
Render: Tryn?? What happened to the tree?
Jonathan the Minotaur!
Render: Hey Jonathan! What’s up?
Jonathan: Not much. Who are all these people?
Reader’s Choice
Send an e-mail to mgardner@gamecola.net with the name and/or description of the character(s) you would like to see appear in The Gates of Life. This is not a contest. If you send me in the name of a character, and the name isn’t something I deem stupid (such as FART or BitchFace), I will put him/her/it in the next TGoL. If multiple people send in characters, I will put multiple characters in the next TGoL. If you have a specific job or whatever that your character does (such as monster hunter, samurai warrior, or tax attorney), then send that in also, and I will see that he/she/it does it.
Everyone!
All of the above will be put into the next issue of TGoL.
This poll ends on April 7.
