Chapter Eighteen:
An Intimidating Structure
Large Stone Wall: Whooooooooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaam IIIIIIIIIIII? Whyyyyyyy aaaaaaaaaaaam IIIIIIIIIIIIII aaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaall?
Narrator Past: The first memories Large Stone Wall has are foggy, at best. There is, of course, more information that could shed some light on the subject, but that all happened before Large Stone Wall’s time, so it won’t be mentioned here. Life is tough like that sometimes, but you must stand tall and work through it, one day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute, insignificant second by insignificant second. All in the name of making your life mean something, anything in this cold, harsh world. There was an explosion. A big one of magic.
Large Stone Wall: Whaaaaaaaaaat? Wheeeeeeeeeere aaaaaaaaaaaam IIIIIIIIIIIIIII?
Mysterious Magic Man Murray: What?? LOOK at what you did, fool! You hit the wall, and now it talks!
Wondrous Wizard Woman Wanda: ME??? You are the one who cast Magic Missile at me! I merely deflected it with a counterspell!
Mysterious Magic Man Murray: A counterspell that makes WALLS TALK?! What sort of brilliant idea was that?!
Wondrous Wizard Woman Wanda: Oh, as if I knew it was going to bring the wall to life. Harumph, what nerve!
Mysterious Magic Man Murray: Oh, excuse me for thinking that you would actually have some semblance of a clue what your own magic spells do! Heaven’s forbid you actually READ YOUR MAGIC MANUAL before waving your wand around like a mad woman!
Wondrous Witchy Woman Wanda: Arg… What-ever. Just call in the clean up crew to take care of it.
Mysterious Magic Man Murray: Sure. Because calling someone to take care of your messes is exactly what I want to be doing right now. Stu! Wanda the Wrecking Wench has gone and made a gigantic mess again!
Sloppy Sanitation Supervisor Stu: *sigh*, this is a big one. I’ll go get the “Super Deluxe Talking Wall Destroying You-Better-Run-Away-Right-Now-Or-Nothing-But-The-Cold-Sweet-But-Yet-Bitter-Embrace-Of-Death-Awaits-You Formula 9000 Deluxe.”
Narrator Past: This gave Large Stone Wall an idea. A big one of genius.
Large Stone Wall: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Narrator Past: And so he ran away, out the door. A big one of openness.
Large Stone Wall: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
Narrator Announcements of All Time: In the interest of time, the following will be broadcast in super speed! Woooosh!
Large Stone Wall: -at do I do now? Where exactly should a large stone wall like myself go to collect his thoughts and figure out his next move?
Narrator Past: Juthenbarstowenbevpatsolefsariragon.
Large Stone Wall: Well, it sure was considerate of that captain to take me all the way to this seemingly deserted island, even though I must look like some sort of monster. Hmm, that brings to mind an interesting thought. I have yet to actually look at myself. I should probably get to finding some sort of pool of water so that I may complete the obligatory ugly monster freak looking at himself and realizing just how hideous he is and giving up all hope of living only to find a beautiful woman of some sort who is completely un-shallow and will respect him for who he is on the inside and marry him and turn him into something beautiful because, really, ugly things are unacceptable and must be turned beautiful in the end to get the message across that beauty is on the inside. Just as long as you are not ugly. Where might there be a puddle around here…
Narrator Past: Zzweeeeeepurpurpurp.
Large Stone Wall: I’ve been walking across this island for what seems like several hours delicately seasoned with minutes and seconds… mmmmm… now, and I still have not found a puddle! Ah well, I will just stand in the middle of this path for a bit to rest and get my bearings.
Narrator Announcements of All Time: Super speed is over! Wooshaaaawooooosh!
Render: Augh! We don’t have time for this!! Get out of the way and we’ll let you join us, Large Stone Wall!
Large Stone Wall: Mmmmm… urrrrrrrrr… ohhkaaay yooomaahhhn…
Which Gate Do You Choose?
Back to the Future:
Fan(s) of TGoL: Get back to the main story, already!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Render)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora’s past!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Rivers)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Rivers Fusion’s past!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Jonathan)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Jonathan the Minotaur’s past!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Enrique)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about the Glorious Lord Eric, Grand Master Barbarian Mage of the Third Cave of Hariant’s past!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Strange Creature)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Strange Creature’s past!
This poll ends on December 7.
