The Past is Fine, Dammit
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Rivers Fusion’s past!
Wise Man: It is up to you to save the village, Rivers! Go forth and claim the Sword of Light and defeat the evil Devil Lord!
Rivers: Yes, wise man!
Narrator Past: And so Rivers, needing some directions to the Sword of Light, stopped and asked a townsperson where he should go.
Carl: I hear the Sword of Light is hidden in the ruins to the north.
Narrator Past: Wanting to confirm these directions, Rivers asked a second townsperson about the Sword of Light’s location.
Jimmy: I hear the Sword of Light is hidden in the ruins to the north.
Narrator Past: Satisfied that his directions were the right ones, Rivers headed towards the north, where he assumed he’d find some ruins. And some ruins he did find.
Rivers: Man, these sure are some haunted looking ruins, I hope I don’t get attacked by some crazy demons on my way to the sword…
Narrator Past: And sure enough, Rivers did not get attacked by any crazy demons on his way to the sword.
Rivers: Phew, made it to the sword… now to pick it up.
Narrator Past: Soo… he picked it up.
Disembodied Voice: Who dare pick up the Sword of Light?!
Rivers: Oh God! I’VE DISTURBED A CLICHE
Disembodied Voice: Shhhhhh!
???: That’s a nice sword you’ve got there.
???: Come along, then.
Disembodied Voice: WTF! No respect at all, goddamn n00bs.
Narrator Past: And so the two left the ruins, taking the Sword of Light with them.
Rivers: So… who exactly are you? And why do you want this Sword of Light?
???: Who said I wanted that? I just said it was a nice sword. I have a better one right here [Sword of Darkness]
Rivers: Woah, where did you get that?!
???: It’s the rare drop off of some Devil Lord guy in some tower over there.
Rivers: Wait, what?! You killed the Devil Lord?!
???: Only about 62 times before I got the damn sword. I kept getting these [New York Sharp Cheddar]
Rivers: What do they do?
???: I don’t know, restore health or something. I just sell ’em.
Rivers: Ah, ok… So what exactly am I supposed to do now? It was my quest to kill the Devil Lord, but since he’s dead…
???: Eh, he won’t respawn for a while now, in the meantime I have a job for you, if you’re interested…
Narrator Past: And so the mysterious person explained the mysterious job to Rivers.
Rivers: Alright, I’ll do it.
???: Alright, cool. Just follow this road and you should eventually get to the port city where he is. You know what to do then.
Narrator Past: The two parted ways and Rivers went on his way toward the port as instructed.
Rivers: Woah, this road sure is haunted looking, I sure hope…
Narrator Past: But he was not so lucky this time.
Fusion Ghost: I hunger!
Fusion Ghost: Hissss!!!!
Narrator: Daaaaaamn, that sure was a vicious battle that just happened there, you shoulda seen it!
Narrator Past: Get the hell out of here, the past is MY narration territory!
Narrator: Chill out, Paolo, I’m going.
Narrator Past: Anyway, yea, the battle was pretty sweet.
Fusion Ghost: You will not finish me off… I will have my revenge one day!
Narrator Past: And, with that, the ghost flew right inside Rivers.
Rivers: Woah there, that was weird… But at least I have fusion powers now! Off to the port town!
Which Gate Do You Choose?
Back to the Future
Fan(s) of TGoL: Get back to the main story, already!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Render)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora’s past!
he Past is Fine, Dammit (Jonathan)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Jonathan the Minotaur’s past!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Enrique)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about the Glorious Lord Eric, Grand Master Barbarian Mage of the Third Cave of Hariant’s past!
The Past is Fine, Dammit (Strange Creature)
Fan(s) of TGoL: I want to hear about Strange Creature’s past!
This poll ends on January 7.