Julie Kozarsky, with her infinite knowledge of the universe, uses her wisdom and experience to reduce your gravest problems into silly inconveniences. So easy, so simple — it’s a cheat code for your life.
Dear Julie,
I have this friend who apparently only plays crappy video games, like Wolverine’s Revenge and the latest Leisure Suit Larry. We often hang out with groups of other gamers, and quite frankly, I’m embarrassed to let the others know that me and this girl are friends. I mean, when me and the guys are having a lively discussion on Jade Empire, and she chimes in with something on Enter the Matrix… frankly Julie, it makes me want to disappear right there so no one will know I’m associated with her. I don’t think I want to be friends with her, because people might start thinking that I play crappy video games, and I don’t want that kind of reputation, you know? How can I gently let her know that I never want to see her again?
Sincerely,
Leisure Suit Larry Used to be Good
Dear Leisure Suit Larry,
So, you think you’ve got some great taste in video games, huh? Who says this your friend’s taste is inferior? Well, if you want to be able to talk to this girl about video games in public, you’ve got to fix the situation. I’m going to advise you to give her every video game that you have that you consider to be decent and non-embarrassing. Point out a specific level of the game, or a character, then ask for her input. She’ll be forced to play the game in order to participate in the conversations with you, and then, if your choice of games is as good as you think it is, she’ll love them and be able to converse with you in public. If she doesn’t like them… well… not such a hot-shot now, are we, Larry?
In good taste,
Julie
Hey Julie,
I’ve got a question for you. My friends and I like to play online PlayStation 2 games, but I feel kind of silly doing so when my roommate’s around. Something just feels awkward about talking to myself into this headset while he’s watching Dave Chapelle or whatever. And, he NEVER leaves our room, so I can’t just wait until I’m alone to play! How do I make this awkward feeling go away, so I can feel totally comfortable gaming online with my buddies?
No Really, He Doesn’t Ever Leave
Dear He Doesn’t Ever Leave,
I’ve learned the hard way that there’s no chance of indulging in your personal quirks in the presence of another, especially a random roommate with his own hobbies and interests. Your only solution is to make your double into a single. This will be easily accomplished when you begin to play with your PS2 online headset… all the time. Nobody will be able to tolerate a basket-case of a roommate who not only plays video games nonstop but talks to themself while doing it. You’ll be free in no time—and you can use his bed to store your massive game collection!
Solitarily,
Julie
