Welcome to the newest and therefore, by definition, GREATEST Super Thumbs anyone has ever laid eyes upon. In this edition we will be traveling to some different eras in the world of PC gaming! And let me warn you: Some of the upcoming relevations may be scary for you, they may hurt you, you just may want to scream and run away…but don’t! THE THUMBS always delivers the MAAAAAAAXTREEEEMATAINMENT, so just stand back and continue reading the awesomeness. It will all be over soon enough.
Rouge (PC)
Rogue is a DOS game. Good ol’ DOS! The graphics are, well, not really what anyone today would call graphics, as the hero of the game is a smiley face, and all the enemies are letters of the alphabet. Rogue is also a pretty difficult game because it’s randomly created, and you never really know what you’re going to be supplied with. It is the original dungeon crawler and has paved the way for many prettier games. Either way it still, by itself is a very entertaining; even without fancy sounds or pictures it is still extremely playable.
Combat is very basic, but you still can die in ANY given battle if you have that kind of luck. Also, there aren’t any boss fights really, so there’s no designated spots where you know to save. SNEAKY! This style of combat sounds like it may be tedious, but the game is a lot less combat-focused than games nowadays. The baddies usually only show up one at a time and are taken out rather easily. Exploring the dungeon itself and getting to the bottom is the main focus, and all the way you also have (weak) traps and your own hunger to deal with!
So while some may not be able to stomach its archaic look, it still is a fun and classic game. There just are a few better versions around nowadays.
Captain Super Thumb says… Thumbs Up!
Police Quest (PC)
Police Quest is another ancient DOS game. One of the first adventure games around…maybe. There were a lot of adventure games back then! It has to, at least, be one of the first police adventure games! So yeah, this game is old. It doesn’t even really have a command list or one of those tools that lets you do different stuff to different objects. You pretty much just walk up to stuff and type in commands, and if that command happens to be a command the game recognizes it will tell you stuff. FEEL THE ExCITMENT! Somehow, this game did have six or so sequels, so something must be there!
Also, like with many adventure game that let you move, the movement is very, very slow. Painfully slow. And the “using your brain to THINK which command to use” part? Oh man! The pain! This game is very outdated and will remind us all of a time when games weren’t as easy to play, when being a h4rdk0r3 g4m4h meant you had to really push yourself to get through these things! OK! I PROBABLY am being way to tough on this game. I mean, it is pretty funny, and it’s way better of a game than…let’s say…Perry Mason could ever make!
Captain Eric’s Super Thumb says… Thumbs Up!
Perry Mason (PC)
You know how games based off of TV shows and movies usually suck? Well, here is proof that this has been happening even since the 80s! WOO! Perry Mason is a very LAZY adventure game. It can barely be called a game, really; it’s more like an e-book with minimal input thrown in. Pretty much what happens is this: You read what is happening, and then the “game” will give you a question that you answer with words from their high-tech word bank. Then you keep going until you solve the case. You dont even get a character to move around!
I guess you can look at this as a very crude version of those dectectivey games they have nowadays, the ones that are based on TV shows and don’t really give you a character or let you move around except to designated zones. Of course, in those games they do this because they want to throw in video footage and such from the TV so you know you’re playing X-Files or CSI or whatever. And those games also aren’t very good. Perry Mason is just a game that needs to be avoided.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Diablo (PC)
Hey look, it’s NOT a DOS game! HUZZAH! OK, well, I don’t think this was a DOS game, was it? My memory is failing my in my old age, you know. WEll Diablo, if you haven’t heard of it, is everyone’s “hacking and slashing your way through a dungeon” game! It really was quite popular. OK, that may have been because it was one of the few online games of its time, a time of rampant online haxx0ring and cheating…BUT still! It was a fun game and has shaped many of the cookie cutter RPGs we see nowadays, and, well, pretty much any game that includes equipment and an inventory.
Nowadays it is really hard to go back and play this game because everything has just jumped ahead of it, and every aspect of the game just seems slower, clumsier and uglier. Though I suppose Diablo II is still semi-playable nowadays…. There isn’t much to say about the game. You just level yourself through a dungeon as a warrior, wizard or archer gaining levels and finding the best ph4t lewT around! GOOD TIMES FOR ALL.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs says… Thumbs Up!
Extreme Warfare Revenge (PC)
EWR is a PRO-WRESTLING SIMULATOR! OOOH YEAAAAAAAAAH! So, well, it definitely isn’t for anyone. I mean everyone! It definitely is for someone! At least 10-15 people out there! For what it is, it is pretty cool and let’s you do lots of things with your imaginary wrestling promotion by signing real names to imaginary contracts. Well, the free one lets you do that; then they went all commercial and things got wacky, you know, because of all those “trademarks” and “copyrights” and whatnot. Still, the versions I have played were pretty good for what they were. I mean, who doesn’t want to play owner of wrestling promotion! What? Everyone who isn’t lame like me? Well, that is just preposterous! Wrestling is immensely popular! All the cool kids love it. All of them!
OK, enough of that. If you aren’t a rabid rabid fan of wrestling, you probably won’t even understand this game enough to get past the first few screens; but, then, you aren’t really missing anything. The game is all text-based; no fancy pictures or sounds or anything. Just good ol’ wordy goodness telling you how great you are. While it probably won’t make your wildest dreams come true, at least you can say Marty Jannetty is YOUR heavyweight champiooooooooon of the world!!
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs says… Thumbs Up!
Well that concludes this wacky computer-loving edition of the THUMBS! Those pains in your head, the blurred vision, the sense that you quickly need to find a trash can so that you can vomit your brains out…THAT’S JUST THE THUMBS EXPERIENCE! Come back next month and have your mind totally blown, AGAIN!
