Many other magazines, online or paper, boast advice columns like this one. However, what other magazines can promise a video-game-related-dilemma every single month? None, I tell you. Without further ado, GameCola is proud to present Jenna Ogilvie with “Advice for the Sensitive Gamer”…
Dear Jenna,
God, you’re hot. Can I have your baby? Every time I think of you in that pink dress and long red hair and princess tiara on your head I drool all over myself. Just as soon as I eat this shroom I’ll come over and rescue you, baby.
Sincerely,
Mario
Mario:
As much as I wish I could be the princess, I am not. Go look next to that big green pipe. She should be there. But call me next time you get bored, you big hunk of Italian loving, you.
– Jenna
Dear Jenna,
Do you like cheese? I find it quite yummy, especially on mashed potatoes. Anyway, my Wang isn’t that great and I was hoping that you could help me make it better.
Sincerely,
Little Wang, Big Potential
Little Wang, Big Potential:
Actually, contrary to popular opinion, I am a huge fan of cheese! I put cheese on almost all of my food, let alone most of the boys I like. I mean, uh… what?
Wang. Right.
Your wang “isn’t that great”. Well, kiddo, that kind of leaves me a lot of ideas as to how it “isn’t great”. As to how to help your wang become great… I’m not a magician here. I’m just a lowly advice columnist, trying to scratch out a living here at GameCola. You want your wang to become great? Go get it self-help tapes, or some self advice, or just get laid, my good man! I’m just a girl. I know very little of wangage. Go ask a boy. Any boy. Yes, even that weird hick kid that rides his quad up and down your street at 1:00 A.M. Ask him. He’ll know. Leave me alone with my cheese.
– Jenna
