Many other magazines, online or paper, boast advice columns like this one. However, what other magazines can promise a video-game-related-dilemma every single month? None, I tell you. Without further ado, GameCola is proud to present Jenna Ogilvie with “Advice for the Sensitive Gamer”…
Jen,
I have a question about my love life. I’m a guy. But, I don’t think I’m like normal guys. I find myself…attracted…to Kyle Ogilvie. Is it possible that he would be attracted to me? I wish I knew how to get him. It’s kind of like how you know mario is attracted to peach, but notice how he never says anything? I think it’s because he doesn’t know how. That’s how I feel. Can you help?
— Straight As a Circle
Dear Straight as a Circle,
First of all, please never again address me as Jen. My name is Jenna, it’s on my birth certificate, and quite frankly, I find the name Jen utterly repulsive and somewhat vomit-inducing. Thank you for your time.
Moving on, I don’t know if this is public knowledge or what, but Kyle Ogilvie is my brother. Yes, strange as it may seem, that odd boy is my flesh and blood. So please, never, EVER again say you’re attracted to him. It’s strange enough to me that he’s going to be a high school freshman, let alone when girls call the house. So a boy, wanting to know about my brother sexually? Thank you very much, but I’d rather set myself on fire. So, basically, make like Mario and shut the fuck up. Thank you for writing!
Love, Jenna
Dear Jenna,
I have a very important question to ask you. I am on my way to college and in my high school days it was easy for me to relax by putting my feet on the girl’s “racks” who sat in front of me. I did this for a long while but now I am afraid that in college, girls might not have “racks”. I was wondering if you knew if college girls had “racks”, and would they allow me to put my feet on them?
Thanks for the help,
Rackless
Dear Rackless,
Sounds kind of creepy, if you ask me. This girl must have been some kind of kinky freak. But anyway, I can assure you that girls in college DO, in fact, have racks. Perhaps even larger racks than you saw in your high school. I also assure you that they will be just as happy to supply their racks to you as this strange high school girl, if not MORE excited. But I must warn you — not many girls enjoy boys feet on their racks. It’s sort of an a-typical request for rack-usage. There are a special few, though, that will comply with your request. You’ll just have to search a bit harder for them. Good luck in college, and let me know how the rack-resting goes!
Love, Jenna
