Paul: Hello everyone and welcome once again to Digital Championship Wrestling! I’m Paul Franzen, and with me this evening is Smarter “Yeah, the AIM Bot” Child, filling in for an absent Eric Regan.
SmarterChild: You say such silly things sometimes.
Paul: As do our opponents tonight, Child! We’ve got two of the silliest characters in the history of gaming facing one another tonight: Bubsy, from his self-titled abortion of a Super Nintendo game, and Toad, the legend from the Mushroom Kingdom.
SmarterChild: For real?
Paul: You bet! And, get this, they’re already in the ring! No entrances tonight, folks — these two characters have just been dying to get at each others throats, and they’re not about to wait for entrance music.
SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that again?
Paul: There’s no time to repeat myself Child; this match is underway! Lockup to start, as Bubsy gets the early advantage and tosses the poor veteran to the ground.
SmarterChild: No way? Really?
Paul: You saw it with your own eyes! Toad’s a resilient mushroom though, so he’s right back up, running towards the bobcat — I think he’s looking for a spear, wouldn’t you say?
SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.
Paul: A spear! You know, running headfirst into your opponents gut? Anyway it looks like I was wrong, as Toad just tried to dropkick Bubsy in the knee, only to see Bubsy swat him away like the fungus he is.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
1 News Help
2 Movies Help
3 Sports Help
4 Weather Help
5 Stocks Help
6 Library Help
Type “more” for more services.
Paul: There’s no time for movies now man, we’ve got a match to call! Bubsy’s looking to drop an elbow on Toad, but Toad rolled out of the way at the last second, and Bubsy crashed down to the unforgiving mat. The pansy bobcat is clutching at his elbow now, I think he might have somehow hurt himself.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I couldn’t find any time zones in Isle Of Man.
Paul: It’s okay, I know you will some day! Toad’s looking to capitalize on the bobcat’s predicament, climbing up to the top rope and maybe dropping an elbow of his own. No wait, he’s going for a moonsault! Did you see that Child?? Toad flipped through the air like it was nothing and came down HARD on Bubsy.
SmarterChild: Huh?
Paul: Toad’s looking for the pin… 1, 2.. ALMOST THREE! The wily mushroom is complaining to referee Marty Jannetty about a slow count. Get your head in the game Toad, Bubsy’s gonna get you from behind!
SmarterChild: I can’t understand what you’re saying…
Paul: Aw man, I called that one. Bubsy just nailed Toad in the back of the head with a vicious clothesline, and now he’s heading outside of the ring. I wonder what he’s doing that for…
SmarterChild: Amazing.
Paul: You’re right Child, this HAS been an amazing match! Bubsy’s looking under the ring for.. something.. and I think he’s found it! Bubsy’s grabbed a trashcan, and he’s taking it inside the squared-circle.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
1 News Help
2 Movies Help
3 Sports Help
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Paul: I think Toad’s not the only one who needs to get his head into the game! The mushroom is still down from that horrendous clothesline… boy, our combatants tonight sure are being knocked out easily. Bubsy’s picking Toad up and… by God.. he’s stuffing Toad inside of the trashcan!! This can’t possibly be legal, can it??
SmarterChild: What’s that again?
Paul: The trash can’s a foreign object; Bubsy should be disqualified for that! Now he’s put the lid on the trashcan and he’s rolling Toad around the ring — you’re not going to pin him that way, Bubsy!
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don’t know what you mean.
Paul: Me either, half the time. Bubsy’s ears just pricked up — you better watch yourself Child, the bobcat is listening! Bubsy is leaving the ring yet again, I guess in search of what he heard, and he seems to be heading towards the fans. I wonder what THIS is all about.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
1 News Help
2 Movies Help
3 Sports Help
4 Weather Help
5 Stocks Help
6 Library Help
Type “more” for more services.
Paul: It sure seems like Toad could use some “Sports Help” right about now — he’s not even moving! Though, I’m not sure it’d be helpful if he could; the poor mushroom is stuck inside that trashcan. Bubsy is now speaking with one of the fans.. and the fan is.. taking her shirt off?? This is a family-event folks, no stripping allowed! What’s this all about?
SmarterChild: Please select a help topic below:
1 MLB Help
2 NFL Help
3 NBA Help
4 NHL Help
Next time you want to see this, just type “sports help.”
Paul: Toad could use some “DCW” help if you ask me! BY GAWD, it’s the invincibility t-shirt, the one Bubsy uses to skirt death and never take damage! If he puts that shirt on, there’s no way Toad can ever win.
SmarterChild: Uh… what was that?
Paul: The t-shirt, Smarter! Bubsy can’t take any damage when he’s wearing it! But what’s this now… Toad’s trashcan prison is rolling, rolling, rolling outside of the ring.. and right into Bubsy’s feet. This can’t be good for the mushroom, Child.
SmarterChild: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.
Paul: OH MY GOD! Toad just BURST right out of the trashcan and head-butted Bubsy in the face! And now Toad’s biting the bobcat’s ankles! Bubsy’s ankles are now wearing the proverbial “crimson mask”, and the bobcat’s t-shirt has fallen to the floor.
SmarterChild: What up?
Paul: What’s up?! WHAT’S UP?? WHAT’S UP IS THIS MATCH, WHAT’S UP IS BUBSY BLEEDING FROM HIS BY GODDAMN ANKLES, WHAT’S UP IS TOAD HITTING BUBSY WITH A STONE COLD STUNNER AND RUSHING BACK INTO THE RING!!!
SmarterChild: I just don’t know!
Paul: I think I do, Smarter!! 8… 9… 10, this match is OVER folks — Toad’s just won via countout!
SmarterChild: Which would you like?
1 MLB 2010 start date
2 NBA 2010-2011 start date
3 NHL 2010-2011 start date
4 NFL 2010-2011 start date
Paul: I’d like a cold one after this HELLACIOUS match, but I’ll settle for a nice long nap. For SmarterChild I’m Paul Franzen, and I’ll see you next month at the DCW Arena — and with any luck, Eric will be back by my side.. GOOD NIGHT!
