Chapter Twenty-Four
I Hate You All
Narrator: As Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora stepped closer to the lair to see how close the Emo Dragon was to reaching them, Rivers placed his finger on his nose. The rest of the group noticed this, and likewise placed their fingers on their noses before the good captain could turn around.
Render: Okay, he’s– oh, what the hell? I hate you people.
Rivers: Nose goes, man. You’re it.
Render: You know, there are some times in my life where I must struggle to find the words to express just how much I hate you frickin’ communists.
Rivers: You can’t argue with nose goes rules, they are set in stone.
Render: What stone?
Rivers: Stone you sure as hell are not going to break with your mortal self.
Render: Could you break it Enrique?
Enrique: Break what?
Render: The stone.
Spoonlad: Oh yes YES! Oh great Lord Enrique! Please, show us your strength and break the stone that binds our fair captain!
Enrique: Ehh…
Spoonlad: Oh oh oh… these feelings inside! Oh Great Lord Enrique! I… I…!!
Render: WELL, I’m going to kill the dragon. See you all later.
Narrator: And so Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora ran ahead into the cave to face the very very grim fate his fellow seamen had sent him to.
Render: Don’t think I didn’t see your finger on your nose, narrator.
Narrator: For the record, Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora is lying.
Render: What?!
Narrator: SO IT IS WRITTEN BY THE NARRATOR!
Render: Ass.
Narrator: Whatever man, go get yourself roasted by the Emo Dragon.
Render: Yea? Then what? You’ll be out of a job.
Narrator: Err… well, good luck, then!
Emo Dragon: WHO is there?! WHO is disturbing my slumber?
Render: That would be me.
Emo Dragon: What business do you have here, mortal?!
Render: Huh? That’s gotta be the second time today I’ve been called mortal. Is it really that obvious? Do I have some sort of mortal smell? I wash my clothes waaaaay more than anyone else in the crew, and yet I don’t see any of them getting called mortal. I guess it’s understandable in Enrique’s case, but what the hell?
Emo Dragon: YOU KNOW NOTHING OF PAIN!
Render: What?
Emo Dragon: My heart has been torn out and spit on by a thousand bleeding hellgoats, and you come here and complain about being called mortal?! What do you know about being hurt?!? I HATE YOU!!
Render: Jeez, way to whine buddy. What happened to you that was so bad?
Emo Dragon: My girlfriend, my life, cheated on me with that bastard Barin!
Render: You mean Liaunde?!
Emo Dragon: NO, BARIN. How the hell could she cheat on herself with herself you idiot?!
Render: …
Emo Dragon: See?! You have nothing to say, GET OUT OF HERE!!
Render: If you ask me, I say you should be glad.
Emo Dragon: WHAT?!
Render: Okay, for the love of god lay off the caps lock for a second. She’s a bitch, plain and simple. You really are better off being cut loose from her leash
EMO DRAGON: I’LL KILL YOU!!
Render: Wow, you even did your name that time, I’m impressed. But anyway, it’s the truth. She’s no good.
Emo Dragon: SHUT UP!!
Render: Okay fine, whatever. I’m sick and tired of you’re screaming and whining anyway. If you want her back again, and it will stop this incessant wailing you’ve been terrorizing this island with, I’ll help you out.
Emo Dragon: …really? You could do that?
Render: Yes.
Emo Dragon: How?
Render: Can you change back from a dragon for a minute?
Jordan: Okay done, now what?
Render: Alright, when you wake up track me down and I’ll tell you what to do from there.
Jordan: Right, okay. Wait, wake up?
Narrator: And on that cue, Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora gave Jordan a little Sweet Chin Music, and the whiney emo kid went down for the count. Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora was not one to stick around when there was nothing to be done, so he returned to the entrance of the cave.
Spoonlad: Ooohhh Enrique…
Enrique: d00d stop!
Render: You two love doves are still at it?
Enrique: !! bastard.
Spoon Lord: You defeated the Emo Dragon??
Render: Of course I did! What do you take me for?
Spoon Lord: A punkass loser who’s all talk, no action.
Rivers: Buuurrrrn!
Render: Pssh!
Jonathan: How did you defeat him?!
Rivers: Did you use the figure four?!
Render: Hell no, that move doesn’t even work.
Rivers: Yes it freaking does! It hurts like hell.
Render: Suuure it does. Anyway, we should get out of here before Spoonlad explodes all over Enrique’s shoes.
Enrique: s0x0rz..
Narrator: And so the group returned to their ship. But then something CrAzY happened! WoooHooo! The world started spinning in an emerald whirlpool of dreams and wishes and the great Technicolor waterfountain spewed forth its majesty all over the sky like so many episodes of Flipper. It was a truly beautiful and confusing site and the world at this moment only knew one truth! There was only one decision that could be made before leaving the island, so the group would have to choose wisely as to what the one decision would be…
Which CrAaZy Gate Do You Choose?
Enough of This Madness!
Render: We need to get directions this time. No more of this aimlessly wandering around nonsense.
I am Hungry.
Rivers: I know we have plenty of dried cabbages left on our ship, but maybe we should stock up on some food before leaving for our next destination, wherever that may be…
I am Hungry. For Enrique.
Spoonlad: You simply must take me with you! I cannot be parted from my lord, my liege, my love, Enrique!!
Enrique: NO!
This poll ends on July 7.
