The Gates of Life: Chapter 26 – Fight! Fight! Fight!

Enrique: It's on like Donkey Kong, fool.

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Chapter Twenty-Six
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Enrique: It’s on like Donkey Kong, fool.

Render: I’m going to stab you in the eye.

Enrique: Holy crap, you just stabbed out my eye!

Render: I told you that’s what I was going to do, you newbie.

Enrique: d00d, apparently you don’t remember how I took on a giant singing sea bear by myself, and completely 0wned Dugo, the so called super sword fighter from the beginning of the series. I’m going to moo your ass off if you don’t give me back my eye.

Render: I’m gonna eat your friggin eye, fool.

Narrator: Eeeeewwww, he ate it.

Render: Ugh… uhh… *vomit*

Narrator&Rivers&Jonathan: Ewww…

Enrique: !!

Render: Unh… ugh…

Enrique: Bastard!!

Render: That was such a bad idea… *vomit*

Enrique: d00d, stop that!

Render: *dry heave*

Narrator: Stop doing my job.

Enrique: Stop vomiting on my chewed up eyeball goo!

Narrator: At this point Enrique was getting a little steamed, so he brought back his super powers that haven’t been mentioned for a good number of installments. There was a flash of pink light, and Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora found himself in a strange place.


Render: Hmm… Seems he banished me to the Plane of Eternal Assholery.

Narrator: How do you know that? There’s absolutely nothing around here that would indicate that this is anything other than a normal weird looking place with shiny flooring.

Render: What about that guy?

Narrator: Who?

Narrator (Plane of Eternal Assholery): Me! Muahahahahahahahahaha!

Narrator: Screw you all.

Narrator (Plane of Eternal Assholery): And so the pathetic normal narrator left in shame! Muahahahahahahaha!

Render: So…

Narrator (Plane of Eternal Assholery): Hey dude… come here…

Render: …what?

Narrator (Plane of Eternal Assholery): *FART* HAHAHA.

Render: …

Narrator (Plane of Eternal Assholery): I so got you I SO GOT YOU!!

Render: I’m coming for your other eye, Enrique.


Narrator: Well I left that sumbitch with that asshat in the plane of whatever the hell it was. I’m so sick of his crap.

Enrique: Me too man, me too.

Rivers&Jonathan: …

Narrator: Rivers and Jonathan know that they couldn’t stand his crap, either. They also fully realize that a trio is so much cooler than a foursome.

Rivers: Oh, Ok… if that’s how it is…

Jonathan: We do need a leader, though…

Enrique: I am the new leader.

Rivers: Woah woah woah, I’ve been in the series WAY longer than you have! I should be leader!


Render: Hey Rivers, what’s up?

Rivers: Not too much, I pissed off Enrique.

Render: Yea, I figured.

Rivers: Who’s the dead guy?

Render: Narrator (Plane of Eternal Assholery)

Rivers: Oh? Then who’s gonna narrate for us here?

Render: Not sure, I guess we’ll have to do it ourselves. It’s not that hard, anyway.

Rivers: *narrates* wow, you’re right!

Render: Yep. Maybe you should narrate us a way out of here with your new found powers.

Rivers: Nah.

Render: Why not?

Rivers: Too much effort.

Render: Ah.

???: You boys looking for a way out?

Rivers: Another question mark person!!

Render: Wooo!!

Question Mark Girl: What?

Rivers: And it’s a girl!

Render: Wooo!!

QM Girl: What the hell is wrong with you people?

Render: Soo how do we get out of here?

QM Girl: Simple. All you have to do is jump into this portal…

Render: SCREW YOU!!

Rivers: Owned!

QM Girl: What?

Render: Not doing it.

QM Girl: Fine, I’ll lead you to the stairs.

Render: Sounds good to me.

Rivers: Sure, let’s go.


Jonathan: So let me get this straight… Narrator is now part of our power trio?

Enrique: Yes.

Jonathan: And you’re the leader?

Enrique: Correct.

Jonathan: And I’m supposed to be okay with this?

Enrique: Unless you want to be banished to the Plane of Eternal Assholery, yes.

Jonathan: Whatever.

Narrator: So, fearless leader, what’s the first thing on our agenda?

Which Gate Do You Choose?

Eye for an Eye

Enrique: We have to go after our former leader. I’m not leaving any loose ends.

Remember Us?

Enrique: I’m going to make sure there’s no one left to challenge my power. We’re going after Barin and his crew.

Reclaiming the n00b

Enrique: You know, that n00b bastard never did thank me for creating him. Or maybe he did and I just don’t remember. Either way, it’s time to pay him a visit.

The Island Nation

Enrique: I need a kingdom. Narrator, find me an island nation to take over.

 This poll ends on September 7.

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From 2002 to 2013

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