Chapter Twenty-Nine:
Rendered Victor!
Render: HA! Both of those spinney things are now in your goal.. hole.. thing! I win!!
S. Enrique: You may have won then, but while you were wasting your time sitting around waiting for the fool’s hand to heal, I have secured my island nation! There is no way you can stop me now!! Muahahahahahaha mooooooo!!!
Rivers: Waiting for the fool’s hand to heal?
Render: It’s an expression, sort of the same thing as “The author’s laziness is a villain’s best friend.”
Rivers: …what?
Render: I have no idea.
Rivers: Alright, then.
Jonathan: We may be a step behind, Enrique, but it is only a small step. In case you haven’t noticed, we are already at your island nation. That’s how we’re talking to you. We aren’t really even yelling, either, we’re pretty close to each other.
Rivers: It’s true. I could definitely throw a rock and hit you right now, Enrique.
S. Enrique: First off, your aim sucks as has been proven in the past with your fusion balls. Second, why are you fools calling me Enrique? Do you not see the S?
Render: What exactly does the S stand for, anyway?
S. Enrique: Super. It sums up all my newly gotten powers since the whole President Portalman incident.
Render: What new powers?
Rivers: I bet you don’t have fusion powers.
Super Enrique: You will not live to find out the extent of my powers, villainous swine! General Genericus, destroy them!
Genericus: With pleasure, my lord.
Jonathan: So you’ve gotten a new name, Generic.
Genericus: That’s not all that’s new about me, minotaur scum!
Jonathan: Yeah, you didn’t use to be a racist.
Genericus: I didn’t mean it like that! I love minotaurs! I have three minotaur friends!
Render, Rivers, & Jonathan: Riiiiight…
Super Enrique: Enough! Destroy them!
Genericus: With pleasure.
Narrator: WAIT!!
Super Enrique: What is it?!
Narrator: You promised you would stop trying to destroy him and his crew! That was the agreement if he beat you in crossfire, and he did!
Super Enrique: Oh, I am not trying to destroy his entire crew…. General, kill Render, Rivers, and Jonathan, but capture QM Girl and bring her back to me.
QM Girl: Ugh! I said leave me out of your crap!
Render: Damned loopholes….
Genericus: Enough talk, it’s time to let Narrator take over and do his job… describe in rich detail my utter destruction of you evil doers!
Narrator: *sigh* fine. General Genericus charged at the three companions, while QM Girl wandered off to the other side of the island in an attempt to avoid Super Enrique and his insistence on involving her in the crap between him and Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora. The three weren’t prepared for the speed and power the general had somehow acquired, and just barely got their weapons out before Genericus smashed in their skulls with his gigantic polearm.
Render: Hoooooly crap!
Rivers: When did he get so frickin’ strong?!
Jonathan: Well, we never did actually fight him, but I agree with your sentiments… He never seemed this strong before….
Genericus: I told you things had changed, fool. You three are no match for me.
Narrator: It seemed as if he was right. Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and Rivers were doing a decent job of deflecting blows away from themselves, and not much of anything was able to get passed Jonathan’s giant hammer, but they were not making any progress in the battle.
Render: Ew…. We need to start hitting him or something.
Rivers: I have an ide… ah holy hell!!
Narrator: The three comrades dove out of the way just in time to dodge the cannonball flying towards them, but Genericus was not so fortunate. It hit him directly in the face and he crumpled to the ground.
Jonathan: Where on earth did that come from?
Render: Look, over there.
Narrator: They looked over and saw a ship fast approaching the island.
Barin: Bwahahaha! Thought you could be rid of me, eh? Well think again, you bastards!
Rivers: Oh, joy.
n00b: If you think I’m going to let you have all of the interrupting fun, you are so wrong, Barry.
Barin: Don’t you ever call me Barry, you wannabe vampire.
n00b: No, fool, I am a vampire.
Render: This isn’t looking too hot.
n00b: You’re damn right its not, because we’re going to rip you to pieces!
Tryn: That’s right, tee hee!
Liaunde: Yea, bitches! So you best be ready to die!
Super Enrique: What?! No way, I get to kill them!!
Barin: I’ve hated them the longest, I think it’s only fair that my crew and I get to kill them!
Dugo & Najen: Yeah!
Apul: Mmmmph!
Rivers: Haha, his mouth is still fused together! That rocks.
Apul: Mmmmmph!!!
Barin: He says he will kill you first, Rivers.
Rivers: Yea, and then he can celebrate my death with a drink… oh wait, no he can’t! AAaaaaahahahahahhahahahahah!!!
Render: ROFLMAO
Super Enrique: loloolollLOlOLolloLlollll
Jonathan: haaaahhaahhaa oooohhohohohooo that was good.
Barin: I hate you all, so much.
n00b: Well, girls. It looks like we’re going to have to finish them quick, before Barin and his gang can come ashore.
Narrator: And so n00b and his gang set to work fighting the three much fought over friends. This fight was no less difficult than the fight with General Genericus for the three comrades, but this time it was not due to the skill of their opponents. In fact, their opponents were rather crappy fighters, truth be told. The problem was, there was a constant rain of cannonballs coming from Barin’s ship. In fact, it seemed as though Barin had stopped his approach, and was now just pelting the landscape with cannonballs, rather than trying to get to land to fight them face to face.
Render: Ugh… This is freaking ridiculous.
Jonathan: We have to stop these cannonballs somehow!
Genericus: This is the damndest rain I’ve ever seen.
Rivers: He’s alive?!
Render: Super. Just freaking super.
Genericus: What are all these fools doing here? No matter, I will destroy you all!!
Narrator: And the general might just have accomplished that, what with the only decent fighters distracted by everyone trying to kill them and by a rain of cannonballs, but yet another someone decided that it was a good time to crash the party.
Emo Dragon: Not so fast, you peons.
Render, Rivers, & Jonathan: ….
Render: Ooookay…. We really need to come up with some sort of plan here, or we are totally screwed.
Jonathan: Screwed, indeed.
Rivers: I have a plan. I will use my fusion powers!
Render: Hmm… that just might work! Or get us killed! But I don’t have a better idea! Woooo!
Jonathan: Okay guys, come into the huddle.
Render, Rivers, & Jonathan: *whisper whisper*
Render: Okay, lets give this a try…
Narrator: Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora, Rivers, and Jonathan all took off running in opposite directions.
Super Enrique: Go after Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora, Genericus! They will quickly lose spirit once their leader is defeated!!
n00b: Go after Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora, forget about those dregs! They will easily lose their spirit once we will their captain!
Super Enrique: Way to steal my idea.
n00b: Shut up.
Narrator: While everyone’s attention was focused on Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora, Jonathan ran over to a nearby tree and pulled it back almost like a slingshot. Rivers hopped on and was sent flying through the air onto a nearby cliff upon Jonathan’s release of the tree.
Jonathan: Wow, I don’t believe that actually worked.
Rivers: Now if I can just time this right….
Narrator: Rivers summoned up as many fusion balls as he possibly could, and all at once tossed them all into the air. Many of them flew off into the sky without hitting anything, but many more found their mark. On the cannonballs flying from Barin’s ship. As the many spheres were flying around, Rivers summoned up a final, larger ball of fusion energy. When enough of his smaller fusion balls had hit their mark, he threw the final one up towards the Emo Dragon.
Rivers: Yes, I can’t believe it actually hit!
Jonathan: Neither can I, to tell you the truth.
Narrator: As the final sphere of fusion energy hit the Emo Dragon, all of the cannonballs that had been hit began to fly towards and fuse together with him, forming one giant dragon made completely of metal.
Rivers: Now would be a good time to move!!
Narrator: Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora heard the shout and began to make his way away from the giant falling metal dragon.
Render: Oh man, that is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen…. I think I just crapped by pants.
Narrator: Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora managed to make it out of the way just barely as the metal dragon fell, creating a huge hole in the ground and taking n00b, Tryn, Liaunde, and Genericus down with it. Unfortunately, the captain lost his footing and fell backwards into the gaping chasm.
Render: …crud muffins.
Narrator: But wait! *whpsh* A whip suddenly wrapped around the wrist of Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and pulled him to safety!
QM Girl: You really are completely worthless without me helping you, you know.
Render: Awww, baby you know I’m no good without you! OW! Good lord I think you just broke my friggin’ nose…. God damn and I’m pretty much almost bleeding on the wrist here where you hit me with that damn whip… oowwww man, owwwww.
QM Girl: That’s it, I’m defecting.
Render: To who’s side?
QM Girl: I haven’t decided. But I hate you.
Render: Whateeeever.
Narrator: By this point Jonathan and Rivers had made their way back to where Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and QM Girl were standing.
Jonathan: I hate to breakup your little moment here, but does anyone else hear that?
Rivers: It sounds like… water… coming from the gaping chasm….
Render: It’s not just that… there’s something else….
QM Girl: Is that… singing?
Render: Oh no… you don’t think….
Super Enrique: Uncool man, UNCOOL!
Narrator: At that point a giant rush of water came spewing forth bringing with it a troop of singing sea bears. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Barin and crew had recovered from their surprise and now had no intention of coming ashore, so they just continued pelting the landscape with cannonballs.
Render: That is so annoying….
Super Enrique: Grrrr, I’ve had this Island for one freaking episode, you are NOT going to destroy it!
Rivers: Well, what are we supposed to do, now?!
Which Gate Do You Choose?
Dream Team Reunited!
Super Enrique: Grrr… just this once I will team up with you again to destroy this greater evil in the form of singing sea bears.
Uh…. Time to go home
Render: Well… now’s a good time to just cut our losses and get the hell out of here.
You kidding me?
Barin: Come here, fellows! I will not allow you to be destroyed by bears, for I will be the one to destroy you! I will help you out now and kill you later, so come aboard!
This poll ends on January 1.
