The Gates of Life: Episode 34 – ROCKIN’ BALLAD!

Jordan: I will sing your asses off, butt gnomes.

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Chapter Thirty-Four

Jordan: I will sing your asses off, butt gnomes.

Enriquathan: Nice.

Jordan: Are you ready to ROCK?!

n00b: Not really. I pretty much just hate you and am ready for you to die.

Genericus: I hate to agree with anyone, but I also am getting tired of you, emo boy.

Jordan: I said, are you ready to ROCK?! I’m all metal, baby, and I am going to bring forth Satan with my hard-ass super metal rock of DEATH!

Enriquathan: This is going nowhere.

Jordan: DO you all feel the EVIL tonight!? Are you ready to shed your skins and unleash your ROCK demons?!

n00b: Who are you talking to?

Jordan: I saaaIIiiiiid, are you READY?!?!

n00b: ….

Enriquathan: ….

Genericus: ….

Jordan: Here we go…. Can you feel it NEW YORK?!?!

Enriquathan: ….

n00b: *smacks forehead*

Observer: This really is awful.

Jordan: I want to rip your skin of, baby

And I don’t want to say maybe

But my dog is infected

And I feel so rejected

And I want you to come back to me my baaaaaby!

Enriquathan: That’s still emo….

Genericus: Alright, you’re finished.

Observer: Finally, Genericus sliced out Jordan’s throat.

n00b: Thank you. Now, we can finally execute my plan!

Genericus: Interesting word choice.

Observer: Genericus was not one to miss the opportunity, so he executed n00b by plunging his sword through his chest.

Enriquathan: Smoove.

Genericus: Well, shall we get this over with?

Enriquathan: Sounds good. I’ll do my best to make your death as quick and painless as possible.

Genericus: Pretty confident, eh?

Enriquathan: Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve done nothing yet to prove you could beat me in my normal form, let alone beat me after being fused into my current, super form.

Genericus: I’ve killed nearly everyone in this entire series with ease. What makes you think I can’t kill you just as easily?

Enriquathan: Have you not been paying attention? No one else has ever come close to matching my skill. It doesn’t matter how easily you killed everyone else. It won’t take me more than 47 seconds to destroy you.

Genericus: …interesting. Care to make a little wager?

Enriquathan: I’m listening.

Genericus: If you can, indeed, deal a death blow to me in 47 seconds or less, I will tell you how you can bring your friends back from the dead.

Enriquathan: I can bring them back from the dead whenever I want. You really don’t seem to understand my character. I’m an insanely powerful barbarian mage with necromantic tendencies.

Genericus: You have sex with dead people?

Enriquathan: …no.

Genericus: So do we have a deal?

Enriquathan: I guess so. I thought I just explained that I didn’t need your help, but whatever. Let’s do this.

Observer: Woo! Let’s break this down for everyone keeping time at home:

Seconds 1-5: Genericus charges Enriquathan and swings his sword with all his might. Enrique swiftly moves out of the way, kicking Genericus in the ass and causing him to fall flat on his face.

Seconds 6-10: Enriquathan laughs at Genericus for the full 5 seconds.

Seconds 11-15: Genericus gets to his feet and curses Enriquathan; begins another attack.

Seconds 16-20: Genericus finishes his charge and swings at Enriquathan; Enriquathan doesn’t move this time.

Seconds 21-25: Genericus’ sword hits Enrique’s face, and shatters into countless pieces.

Seconds 26-35: Genericus throws his arms up in frustration and curses Enriquathan as a cheater. Enriquathan says he told him so, and laughs some more.

Seconds 36-40: Genericus jumps on Enriquathan and tries to bite out his throat. Enriquathan throws him to the ground.

Seconds 41-45: Enriquathan jumps over to Genericus, waits till second 45, and plunges his sword down towards Genericus’ heart.

Seconds 46-47:

Which Gate Do You Choose?


Seconds 46-47: The sword finds its mark. Genericus is defeated.


Seconds 46-47: n00b is a VAMPIRE. He can’t just die like that! He comes back to possibly do something for once!


Seconds 46-47: ZooooooOOooooombiiiIIiiieieessss…

This poll ends on June 15.

1 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 101 vote, average: 6.00 out of 10 (You need to be a registered member to rate this post.)

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