Welcome back to another all-exciting edition of the SUPER THUMBS! With last month in the rearview mirror we are now steaming full-charge ahead! This article will undoubtedly be the greatest collection of words you will ever read in your ENTIRE life! We will be looking at some games that you may even question if they were really made, or if they were just part of a bad, bad dream. We will dive into the GREATNESS and the…uh…WORSTNESS that one brand name can dish out! I am already getting all tingly inside—we better start!
Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GCN)
This is the ‘Cubes installment of a series that the fans can never seem to get enough of! Of course, “can never seem to get enough of” doesn’t mean whine and bitch incessantly about it’s inferior quality once it comes out. For me, I just don’t see what’s not to like. Well, what’s not to like about the races, at least.
It is pretty much the standard Mario Kart racing affairs, with wacky gadgets and unusual race tracks. It is fun by yourself, and even more fun when your playing against someone! They tried to beef up the multiplayer battle modes a bit adding a interesting bombing version while also adding some not-so-interesting versions as well. However, all of these battle modes use the same tracks. These are some tiny, tiny tracks! There is no where to run, and no where to hide! ONLY DEATH, DESTRUCTION, ANNIHILATION!! AHHHHHH!! Well…yeah, they could have used some bigger battle arenas, or what not.
It is pretty much just more of the same, but thankfully Mario Kart sameness is some videogame goodness!
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs Say… Thumbs Up!
Graffiti Kingdom (PS2)
Well, this game sure was…uh…created. It just feels like one of those crappy crappy games that suck people into buying with some “innovative” hook that really isn’t all that fun. The hook of this game is that you can draw things and have them come ALIVE! Yeah, OK, sounds cool; but just try drawing something and have it connect right and look like something coherent in this game. IT AIN’T EASY!
And what do you do with these fabulous hand-crafted masterpieces? Why, you punch and tackle other things throughout the game in its platforming gameplay or its IMPROVED (from the game’s prequel) multiplayer battles that still just seem like a truly horrendous 3D fighting games. The storyline borders on the side of excruciating to get through, as well.
Yeah, OK, I really cannot find a single reason anyone would find this game enjoyable. Sorry. It just is that bad.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs Say… Thumbs Down.
GoldenEye: Rogue Agent (PS2)
Oh, look! It’s GOLDENEYE! This one HAS to be great, right? Right? PLEASE?!
Well, unfortunately, it isn’t great. In fact, you will probably have lots of trouble telling it apart from any other FPS you’ve ever played, as it just gets jumbled up in your memory with the countless other members of this genre. It has a very blah feeling to it. The weapons are nothing special—and there’s nowhere near the number in the N64 version. The levels are nothing special and don’t have that cool feel of being from the movies like the first version. Of course, this really wasn’t based off a movie, so you probably shouldn’t expect it to have that feel.
Besides being very bland and BLAH, the other downfall of this game is its multiplayer. It ALSO has levels that just seem way too small, dark and the whatnot. You feel like you’re running in circles as you search for your prey. Or, in my case, as you try to stop aiming at the ground and get shot in the back of the head! HUZZAH! The controls are also very outdated, as for most new games I have been able to actually aim my weapon at areas that were not my feet!
Rogue Agent is just a disappointing game.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs Say… Thumbs Down.
GoldenEye 007 (N64)
FUNNESS ABOUNDS! If you read the above review, you already might suspect that I am a big fan of this game. It probably was one of the first first-person shooters I played and defiantly was the first one I actually enjoyed. It has a main single-player campaign that I could actually play! WOW! And it is one of the few games where I keep wanting to move forward even when I fail my mission over and over for hours on end. Let me tell you, I am one of the best when it comes to that!
But, of course, like any good FPS, the real enjoyment comes from its multiplayer, and this game definitely delivers in that department. It is odd, because it is a console game and uses four splitscreen action for its multiplayer, which is usually irritating and not worth the time. The levels are roomy and the variations of weapons are plentiful! On top of that there are lots of other additions, such as big heads and paintball modes that can break up the monotony.
It is also a game that most people can get into. Everyone has heard of Bond! He is a beloved figure in the world’s history! So who wouldn’t want to go around shooting with him and his pals. NO ONE I SAYS! NOOOO OOOONE!
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs Say… Thumbs Up!
Yahoo! Pool (PC)
HA! YES! Everyone’s favorite online time waster. How can you not love it! It barely takes any concentration—everyone knows the rules. You only need one other person to get going, and when you’re just sitting on your computer with nothing to do, nothing is better!
Well, by nothing I mean nothing short of actually going and doing something that is actually productive. But it still is a fun game that, even when your up against some really skilled players, you still at least FEEL like you have a shot. It’s pool on your PC, and it’s free. Nothing to really complain about at all.
Captain Eric’s Super Thumbs Say… Thumbs Up!
Well, that wraps up this month of the greatest thing in the history of the world…yes, the THUMBS, if you have already forgotten. Be sure to come back next week, where you bring the eyes and all I supply is the AWESOME!
