Want to know what’s up with that cool-looking game that’s coming out soon? Psychic Thumbs has you covered. (Note: The following are all real games that are really being developed.)
I am sensing a very bleak few months in the future of videogaming. However, that will not stop me from bestowing all of my knowledge to YOU!: the good readers of GameCola. I shall be brave; I shall be strong! I shall enlighten us all on what we will be doing for the foreseeable future, no matter how scary it may be!
Madden NFL 09 (MANY)
There is this little hidden gem of a sports game series that I’ve been enjoying over the past few years, and I think that now is a good time to share it with the world so that it can finally get its due credit. It’s called Madden, and while, at times, it’s riddled with bug upon bug, it is still a fun little football game. However, this year it is going to be even BETTER. The fine people at the Madden HQ just grew too tried of sitting in obscurity with this great product. So they decided to make some MAJOR changes that just SOUNDED amazing.
First thing—you know how I said it’s a football game? Well, not anymore. You see, the general feeling is that football is on a steady down-slope, and to really energize the series they are going in a new direction…RUGBY! While the developers were really pumped about rugby, though, they weren’t so pumped about the star power that the professional rugby scene currently has. I mean, everyone KNOWS that rugby will be the next big thing, and they wanted to be on top of that, but right now it’s just WAITING to be the next big thing, so they thought they’d kick it up a notch and add a little spice.
What sort of spice, you ask? Maybe summer blockbuster movie star Ironman as your starting…uhh…you know, whatever positions they have in rugby. I hear New Zealand loves rugby, so it’s a good thing Frodo and his Hobbit pals will be lining up to do whatever you do to get points in rugby! Rugby does have points…right? Well, whatever it does have, the new Madden is bringing together a colossal collection of explosive sports action and super-huge figures straight from pop culture! Seriously, this one is a CAN NOT MISS!
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Up!
Wizard101 (PC)
If there is one thing that wizardry has done for the youth of the world, it’s that 
it’s helped them start reading via Harry Potter and the like. Well youth, it’s time to pay wizardry back and move on to more important things, like MMOs and card games…or, an MMO with card game-based combat!! Yes, everyone knows that, if you like wizards, you’re already a huge nerd who knows too much and shouldn’t be reading books anyhow. What they should be doing is learning how to become a wizard! THAT is what the world needs.
Thankfully, Wizard101 offers all the wizardly schooling needs your child could never want, desire, and need. As I said earlier, two things every child should be doing is playing MMOs and playing collectable card games. Thankfully, this game sets kids straight along that path. I mean, card games are great, but who wants to carry all that cardboard around. Wizard101 lets you have all the joy of those kind of games ADDED to all the joy of an MMO, and all from the comfort of your computer screen!
One of the greatest concerns about youths today is that they are just outside running around way too much! Hopefully, with amazing games like Wizard101, we can finally put those worrisome ways to rest.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Up!
Easy Way to Stop Smoking (DS)
Now, as I have said numerous times, the DS has given up on creating “normal” games and has moved on to an entirely new generation of “gaming.” First it was helping us cry; now it is going to help us stop smoking. Because everyone knows that when you think of videogames, you’re thinking personal improvement.
Unfortunately, this GAME fails miserably, I mean it’s just a DS version of a book! How are words supposed to stop me from smoking! I need funny hats to wear and guys with shiny things distracting me, or big globs of nasty goo shoved in my mouth! Where is the FUN of learning how to stop smoking? This game falls shorts of all expectations when your head combines the words “game” and “stop smoking.” I mean, where is the entertainment! Make me box clowns or roll down some steps. I would even settle for some voodoo magic of some sort. But READING?? C’mon DS; you can do better than that.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Beer Pong (Wii-WiiWare)
Have you ever been so drunk that you made up a really stupid little game that 
other drunk people around you enjoyed? Yeah, that’s what beer pong is. Have you ever been a videogame developer that has been so drunk that you made up a stupid little game other drunk people enjoyed…so you decided to go ahead and make it a videogame? Yeah, that’s what Beer Pong for WiiWare is. No amount of jazzy words can make this one any more exciting, I am afraid! That silly game that is only entertaining based on the amount of drinks you get to have while playing it is coming to the Wii! I guess getting hammered and being amazed at the twirly little jumps your Soul Caliber character can do just isn’t cutting it anymore.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Guitar Hero: World Tour (MANY)
How do you know when Guitar Hero has jumped the shark? When it starts adding things that aren’t…you know…GUITARS. Frightened by the fact that not EVERYONE in the world already thought Guitar Hero and Rock Band were the same game already, the fine people that make Guitar Hero have decided to add a drum to their game.
Pretty sad, don’t you think? Well, yeah, pretty much! BUT this is not just any drum you might imagine. No, no, see, this is a SPECIAL… MAGICAL drum. It was forged in a secret volcano millions of miles beneath the surface of the earth. Oh yes; it’s true. This wasn’t just any ordinary underground volcano, either! NO! This was an ICE volcano filled with lots of magics of yesterday!
Every touch of this drum will bring out a piece of your very soul into the music you are playing! It truly is the next step into fake-musical-instrument-playing videogames. Well, either that, or they thought hey, let’s add a drum to Guitar Hero so people will still buy our game. One of those.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumb says… Thumbs Down.
Well, that is all that I have the strength—the ENERGY—to bring you fine people this month. Hopefully next month I will again be able to muster up the powers to scry into the future and bring you the very cutting edge of videogaming technology
