The Gates of Life: Episode 63 – Attack the Starfishmen!

Bill the Innkeeper: There's someone here to see you. It's...uhh...what did you say your name was again?

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tgolmatt

Choose your own adventure in this RPG-esque epic that lets the readers vote on its outcome.


Episode Sixty-Three
Attack the Starfishmen!

Bill the Innkeeper: There’s someone here to see you. It’s…uhh…what did you say your name was again?

TorturedTrunks_1: TorturedTrunks_1.

Enrique: You were stabbed in the head.

TorturedTrunks_1: no tht was 2!!! i am 1!!!! the original.

TorturedTrunks_1: u need my help to get rid of them!!!!!!!

Render: The NUDS? Thanks, but we’ve already got the guide.

TorturedTrunks_1: NO NOT THE NUDS!!!!


Render: If we learned anything from two episodes ago, it’s that these starfish-like Internet dwe3bs can be easily dispatched with a quick slice to the face.

Fifa Diprovo 4: But, I just explained last episode….

Rivers: To the audience! Don’t break the fourth wall!

Enrique: You just broke it.

Rivers: What?! I did not!

Enrique: Yes, you did.

Rivers: How!? How did I break it??

Render: Well, you did mention the audience.

Rivers: Don’t break the fourth wall!

Enrique: You already broke it.

Rivers: No, no I did not!

Enrique: I’m pretty sure you did.

Render: Didn’t we break that wall eons ago?

Fifa Diprovo 4: I thought so.

Rivers: Nonsense! If we had broken it, there would be nothing to hold back them.

Render: You mean the audience?

Rivers: Stop it! This is serious!

Enrique: I’m seriously going to leave the story.

Fifa Diprovo 4: No, he’s not.

Enrique: Lame.

Render: Why is this so serious, Riv?

Riv: It’s…. No, no, no! My name is Rivers.

Rivers: It’s serious becau…goddammit.

Render: Continue, Rivers.

Rivers: Thanks. As I was saying, it’s serious because, if they get loose, they could unleash all sorts of havoc!

Render: Example.

Rivers: Well, they could start manipulating things unbeknownst to us! If they were smart about it, they could even manage to control our very fates without us even knowing it!

Enrique: That could never happen.

Render: Agreed. Let’s move on.

Fifa Diprovo 4: I was almost positive that they already knew what was going on, but apparently I was almost wrong. Oh well! The group continued on their sidequest in ignorance of the greater truth.

Rivers: Sidequest?

Render: Yes, we must slice this dwe3b’s head. Enrique, if you don’t mind.

Enrique: Wooo! *slice*

Render: Nicely done. Let’s get to that mountain!

Fifa Diprovo 4: Unbeknownst (yet again) to the party, Enrique had failed to slice TorturedTrunks_1’s head completely off. When they were safely out of the area, the camera remained on the “corpse” of TorturedTrunks_1 to witness the transformation. The sliced head formed into two separate heads, bringing together TorturedTrunks_1 and the new TorturedTrunks_4 into one ultimate creation.

TorturedTrunks_5: Bwahahahaha! Come, my brothers, we must be off to the mountain to end this little quest of theirs!

TorturedTrunks_2 and TorturedTrunks_3 (not to be confused with TorturedTrunks_5)(TT2+TT3): That’s really confusing. I forgot what I was even going to say. I mean we. We forgot what we were going to say. Huh?

Fifa Diprovo 4: Let’s repeat that last bit.

TorturedTrunks_5: Bwahahahaha! Come, my brothers, we must be off to the mountain to end this little quest of theirs!

TT2+TT3: Yes, my liege! We are at your service! Muahahahahahaha!

!MEANWHILE!

Rivers: I wonder if stabbing him in the head altered his plans to stop his counterparts.

Enrique: What are you talking about?

Rivers: TorturedTrunks_1. He wanted to stop 2 and 3, but now I’m not so sure.

Enrique: Now, he’s dead.

Render: Yeah, Rivers, let it go. What’s he gonna do? Come back from the dead and try to stop us from climbing this mountain to reach NUDS headquarters? As if.


Which Gate Do You Choose?

Stop, in the Name of the Law!

Sirens: *siren noises*

Render: Aw, dammit! It’s the cops!

Fuzz McCoppo: I have you surrounded. Put your hands up and back away from the precarious mountain!

Stop, in the Name of Love!

Render: All right, let’s start climbing.

???: Waaaaait! My Enrique, waaait!

Enrique: Oh, God no….

This poll ends on December 7.

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