Hey hey hey! Welcome to the LATEST edition of the THUMBS. There’s so much ACTION! EXPLOSIONS! MARIO! and ROBOTS! in this edition that I just don’t know how I fit it all in there. At least, not without suffering some devastating injuries. But that’s just how much I love each and every one of you: I am willing to subject myself to bodily harm in order to preview upcoming games for you!
Now, ON WITH THE THUMBS.
BurgerTime HD (PSN, XBLA, PC, WiiWare)
BurgerTime! An all-time beloved classic! People have been clamoring for this remake for YEARS! …OK, I doubt that’s actually true. What more can you do with BurgerTime?! I must admit that I didn’t even know what BurgerTime was until I started working on this article. Whenever I heard its name, I always confused it with this OTHER burger game of my youth, Short Order.
So, wait…there were TWO burger games back in the day? And zero now?! With all the motion-controlling going on, I am SHOCKED that there hasn’t been a Short Order remake. …Oh man, why did I say that?! I can feel the evil masterminds at work already!!
As for BurgerTime HD, I’m not holding out much hope that it’ll be good. I mean, do we really need an updated burger game? I’m sure it will be fun for the nostalgia factor, and being a cheaper XBLA/PSN game might help it. I guess it COULD be entertaining. I just don’t think that HIGH-DEFINITION is something burger stacking has been screaming for, especially 30 years after the fact.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumbs say… Thumbs Down.
River City Ransom 2 (N/A)
OK, while I may not be too keen on burger game remakes, how could anyone NOT be keen on River City Ransom remakes?! There should be one of these every month! Why isn’t there a River City Ransom MMO! Competitive PVP River City Ransom games! RIVER CITY AMUSEMENT PARKS! TELEVISION SHOWS! MOOOVIES!! …OK, well I know why there aren’t any movies. It’s better that there are no movies.
The beat ’em up genre is one that we’ve been sorely missing out on in this generation. Why? We all love beating things up! It’s way up there on the list of things we love to do in videogames! Also, “’em up” is like the coolest phrase ever. Games like Call of Duty should be referred to as SHOOT ‘EM UPs. That’s probably already a genre though, isn’t it. Wasnt it also some movie? OH GOD, why am I talking about movies whilst on the subject of River City Ransom again?!
Listen: I am NOT saying that I’m hyped for this game. I’m JUST saying that there will probably never be another game that comes within a fraction of a percentage of how amazing this game will be.
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumbs say… Thumbs Up!
Rochard (PSN)
MARIO…for a new era. WITH A GUN! That’s what they’re going for with this game. I think. I mean, it has to be, right? Look at that facial hair! And that platformy gameplay! …But this is no Nintendo product.
The screenshots I have seen of this game make it feel kinda like Shadow Complex, or maybe even Trine (though only because that floating box reminds me of the wizard.) I just have a feeling this is gonna be a good one! I mean, people enjoyed Shadow Complex. It looks like you can do some fun things with gravity in this game. Plus…it has SPACE BANDITS!! They are almost as cool as snow pirates!
Rochard definitely seems like another PlayStation network title worth at least keeping an eye on. I MUST admit that I’ve really been digging the offerings of XBLA and PSN over the last few years. Here’s hoping they keep that standard up!
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumbs say… Thumbs Up!
Shoot Many Robots (XBLA)
So, right off the bat we have a great name. There’s no need to worry about what you’ll be doing in this game: You will be shooting robots. Many of them. All the marking I’ve seen for this game has been about shooting robots. It there is ONE thing robots are good for (I know robots are good for many, many things…but still!), it’s being shot.
Now that we have that out of the way…this game looks amazing! I just watched the trailer like three times. ROBOTS. JET PACKS. EXPLOSIONS. Soooo cool. FOUR PLAYERS! Man, I just hope it has online co-op. If it doesn’t…I just might explode. We ALL know my feelings on online co-op!
…oh man. It DOES have online co-op, guys! IT DOES. Game of the Year—calling it right now!! I am not being over-the-top at ALL! I AM NEVER OVER THE TOP!! I may have called three games in this article the best game ever…BUT THEY ALL CAN BE! Trust me.
If you like shooting robots, this game will not disappoint. (It better not.)
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumbs say… Thumbs Up!
Heavy Fire Afghanistan (X360, PS3, Wii)
Motion-controlled gaming! The WAVE of the future! It’s gonna be big, you guys! Just look at this game! It is HARDCORE MAAXTREEEEM. This ain’t no kiddie game!! I mean, sure, it may be a game you could’ve found in the arcades 20 years ago, but…MOTION CONTROLS! LIGHT GUNS! This is what we have ALL been waiting for—motion controls are for hardcore gamers now, too!
No, no, no. Of course I don’t believe any of this. It saddens me that so much of this terribleness is around. Is there even a market for games that should have come out 20 years ago? I get that there are many games that target younger and casual games that motion controls are amazing for, but on-rails shooters? HAVE WE NOT EVOLVED BEYOND THIS?!? Maybe there are some people who want mature-themed motion games because they just get too confused with traditional controllers; I just don’t think there’s many of them. At least they haven’t infected the good IPs…YET. (DUN DUN DUN.)
Captain Eric’s Psychic Thumbs say… Thumbs Down.
Well, that’s it for this installment of the thumbs. At least THREE truly awesome games! How PUMPED are you?? Well, looking back, they may all actually be the same game. DOESN’T MATTER! THREE TIMES THE GREATNESS.
Enjoy the knowledge the THUMBS have bestowed upon you all. It will serve you well in the future! No need to thank me. Just knowing I’ve made you all better people is thanks enough!
