Captain Eric’s Cheat Codes for Life

Captain Eric Regan offers GameCola readers advice on all their videogame-related life disasters.

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Dear Captain Eric,

First of all, I just wanted to say how happy I am that you’re bringing back the old advice column! I’ve greatly missed your wisdom over these past three years. I don’t really have a lot of friends in real life who play videogames; I haven’t known who to turn to with my Achievement addictions or beard-growing problems. So, thanks, bro.

Now on to my question. I’ll make it an easy one: Assuming I can find one, should I get the Wii U now, or should I wait a little while?

Yours truly,

First-Mate Jerry

Dear First-Mate Jerry,

I think the question you meant to ask was, “How many years, or perhaps decades, should I wait before torturing myself with a Wii U?” HA!

OK, well that is being a BIT too harsh. Seriously though, have you seen what is available right now? It is all stuff you could’ve already played if you were so inclined to. Right now, the Wii U is just for the hardcore Nintendo fans. If you’ve only ever had a Wii and not a single other source for videogame entertainment, you’d really love the Wii U right now. Why? It has actual games! You don’t have to flap your arms constantly for six hours!! After the initial confusion of the Game Gear-like controller runs its course, you will be in videogaming bliss.

However, I am not sure how many people only have a Wii as their sole source of videogames, and also still enjoy videogames. HA! I am just full of the sick burn right now!

Honestly though, Jerry, it is very rare that a new system is really worth getting right away. The system it replaces usually still has a few releases left in it, and it takes a while for the system as a whole to feel outdated. You are much better holding off, at least until Link shows up! Who can say no to Link?!

– Captain Eric

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Dear Captain Eric,

I CAN’T STOP PLAYING WORDS WITH FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK EVEN THOUGH I’M TERRIBLE AT IT

HELP???

Sincerely,

QAT

Dear QAT…if that is your real name,

The simple answer is, there is no help for you. You are too far gone. The only future you will know will be Words. Words with people you have no association with. It will be like The Matrix, only with the Matrix being a Words With Friends screen. Oh, and you are definitely not Neo. THERE IS NO HOPE, QAT. THE END IS NEAR. It wasn’t robots we should have been afraid of. It wasn’t robots we needed to prepare for. It was merely words. You…

Wait, what’s that? No one plays Words With Friends anymore? Oh well, forget I said anything. Maybe try out that song game everyone seems to be playing now, QAT; you are so behind the times.

– Captain Eric

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Need help getting that special someone to start playing videogames? Need help getting them to stop? Want to know why, exactly, your life deserves a “thumbs down”? E-mail GameCola or post a comment with your query to get advice on all things gaming.