At Nintendo’s press conference this week, they announced a slew of new games. Some of them, such as Destroy All the Cookies in the World, made me feel said. Others, such as David Hasselhoff’s Punch-Out!! and Legends of the Hidden Temple Wii U, made me want to dance.
Most of the news outlets were shocked to learn that Nintendo plans on making more games for the Mario, Mario Kart, and Super Smash Bros. series. They’re also making two HD Zelda games, one of them is a remake of Wind Waker. Humorously, they tried their hardest to make Wind Waker look like an awful game, so they could justify remaking it. I’m not sure openly insulting your game is a good marketing strategy, but I could be mistaken.
The most exciting game that was announced is Eagle Hand Laundry, starring Alex the Mermaid. It is the spiritual successor to 2012’s Hatoful Boyfriend. HB was a dating sim, in which you dated a series of pigeons. This time, the pigeons have been replaced with cute puppies.
Oh my gosh, cute puppies. Where is my puppy-based FMV game? Get me the rights to twenty different puppy videos, and I will write the script for it. Seriously, Nintendo, that’s a best-selling iPad game right there.