Carbonated News (July 2002)

- It seems as though a Sims game is headed towards the realm of Playstation 2.  It will, more or less, be a port of the PC game of much fame, with somewhat revamped graphics to make use of the PS2's

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Outlaw Golf– It seems as though a Sims game is headed towards the realm of Playstation 2.  It will, more or less, be a port of the PC game of much fame, with somewhat revamped graphics to make use of the PS2’s abilities.  One new feature in the Sims, which could easily prove to be that which makes owners of the PC game purchase it a second time, is that it will feature multiplayer capabilities.  Two households will be able to be run at the same time, by two separate people.  Things could get interesting for our simulated lives come… some point this year.  The Sims’ release date is To Be Announced.

– It seems as though Nintendo and Square have kissed and made up, and Final Fantasy Tactics, along with a yet unnamed title, will be released on GameBoy Advance this fall.  This is big news, and stuff.

– Want to play golf with strippers and erotic Latinos?  Then Simon and Schuster Interactive’s Outlaw Golf is the venue of electronic entertainment for you!  This, the first golf game for Microsoft’s X-Box, will allow the player to control these and other folk not typically seen out on the greens.  Outlaw Golf is now available nationwide, and it is recommended by GameCola as a rental.  It sounds kind of gnarley, we have to be honest.

– To commemorate the GameBoy Advance’s six-millionth sale, Nintendo has released a limited edition Platinum version of their hand held gaming device.  This platinum version is no different from the one you currently own, except it looks a lot cooler, and will probably make you jealous of those in ownership of one.  Anybody else ever notice how the cool systems only get released after the plain boring ones have been out for a year or two?  Man, does that ever piss this gamer off.  Here I am, spending $100 for an unproven purple chunk of plastic in the hopes that some awesome games might someday be developed, and all of these Johnny-Come-Latelys get to pay $70 for a spiffified platinum version, that looks cooler than mine ever will.  Fuck you, Nintendo.  You screwed me out of the Pikachu Nintendo 64, too.  This is the thanks I get for buying your system instead of the far superior Playstation, isn’t it?  This is the thanks I get for believing in you when all others have switched alliances, right?  Fuck you.  See if I ever buy your cubular “dolphin” system now.  I hope fails, like the Virtual Boy.

– Introduced recently by AMD was the AMD Athalon (TM) XP processor 22000 + with QuantiSpeed (TM) architecture.  I have no fucking clue what this is, but it is pretty nifty maybe?

– Despite getting his ass handed to him on a platinum (fuck you Nintendo) platter in a recent bout, Mike Tyson’s newest boxing game, entitled Mike Tyson’s Heavyweight Boxing, is currently available for the Playstation 2.  Voted as the “hardest boxer” by 72% of those polled, Iron Mike is back, and this time that punk Little Mac will get what he deserves.  None of that “power glove” or “NES Advantage” garbage this time.  (Please note:  Little Mac is not really featured in Tyson’s latest video game, despite that notion being “hella-cool”.)

– Blizzard Entertainment has signed a long-term agreement to license a core set of Bit-Stream’s high-quality Asian fonts for their critically acclaimed Warcraft series of real time strategy-games.  There is a punch line in there, somewhere.

– The current best-selling game in Japan is a release of both Dragon Warrior Monsters 1, and Dragon Warrior Monsters 2, on one disc, for the Playstation One.  This game is never, ever coming out in the United States, and we should all cry about it.  A lot.  ‘Cause that would be cool if this game did come out in the United States.  But Enix are poops, so it is not.  🙁

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From 2002 to 2013

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