(Editor’s note: This article was originally published in the MONTH YEAR issue of GameCola, back when GameCola was published in a monthly online magazine format.)
College Park, MD 20740
May 15, 2006
Just the other day in psych, my professor said the craziest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. He said, and I quote, that “girls are better at videogames than guys.”
This is the guy who said violent videogames definitely cause violent behaviors, so maybe he’s not the best of sources; but for the benefit of my Dear Readers, I’ll explain exactly why this is so blatantly untrue.
But first!, I’d like to congratulate Craig Bass, Reader, who helped make the new GameCola logo, and in doing so earned himself a free t-shirt. Way to go, Craig! Your t-shirt is on its way. Or, at least, it will be, once we figure out a design for it. Considering how long it took us all to come up with the new logo itself, this could take several years.
With that out of the way, I’d like to take a moment to tell you why guys are so much better at videogames than girls.
Oh, but wait! Player Two! And probably a few other columns this month, too! They’re in need of explanation this month, and the explanation is this: They were written before E3. Hence why they might talk about E3 as though it’s in the future, and hence why they might be overlooking events that took place at E3.
And without further ado, allow me, the Writer, to explain to you, the Reader, my thoughts on why girls are so much worse…no, wait! I must talk about E3 a little myself, first!
PlayStation 3’s gonna crash and burn because, somehow, it actually costs more than a semester’s worth of textbooks. Unless you want the cheaper version, which only costs $500 and is missing several of its $600 brother’s key features, including built-in WiFi, a large hard-drive and memory card support.
…no memory card support? Seriously?
Sony is, however, ripping off the Wii’s controller, giving their own a wacky motion-detecting space age sensor. A lot of people are down on this, but here’s my thinking: If two consoles have the technology, especially if one of them’s Sony, developer’s are gonna be way more likely to make games that use it. Even if Sony’s isn’t anywhere near as powerful as Nintendo’s.
The Nintendo Wii, which has, by the way, by far the greatest name ever devised for a gaming console, looks like it’ll be super keen neato fun for about 10 minutes, at which point your arms get tired and you won’t feel like playing anymore.
At least, that’s how its standard games will work; what people keep forgetting, though, is that the system’s also gonna have a regular controller, one that resembles that of the Super NES. So it’s not exactly out of question that the system will get “normal” games, too.
Xbox 360, on the third hand, still hasn’t done anything interesting.
But at least it doesn’t cost $600.
Finally, with all of THAT said, it’s now time for me, the Writer and Editor-in-Chief, to explain to you, the Reader, exactly why guys are so better at videogames than girls. And it’s this:
But first, this knock knock joke, courtesy of AzKidsNet.com!:
Dishes the police! Open up!
And now, finally, it is time. Time for me, the Writer, Editor-in-Chief and Lord of all Everything, to tell you, the lowly Reader, exactly why guys are so much better at videogames than girls. Here it is:!
ERROR. OUT OF SPACE. PLEASE CONTACT ADMINISTRATOR FOR ASSISTANCE. THANK YOU.
editor in chief