Najen: Barin can’t be dead! He just can’t be! I have to try and save him!
Najen looked around frantically, trying to find anything at all that she could use to help Barin.
???: He’s dead. I’m not sure what exactly you are looking for, but nothing you can find in this cave is going to bring him back.
Najen: Who are you?! And what do you know about it?!
???: Who am I? Well, I’m glad you asked! I’m Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora! As for your other question… it doesn’t take a genius to know that a rock covered in moss isn’t an effective means of resurrecting a person.
Najen: …shut up.
Render: Well now, that was neither polite nor clever, wouldn’t you say? One would think you would treat better the person who holds the remedy for your little problem.
Najen: What?! You can cure him??
Render: I most certainly can! Here, take this!
With a flourish Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora removed a small vial from somewhere beneath his puffy shirt and long cape and handed it to Najen.
Najen: Th… thank you…
Render: No thanks necessary. Now, I apologize, but I really must be going.
Before Najen could respond, Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora was gone.
Najen: Okay Barin… let’s see if this does the trick…
Najen poured the contents of the vial into Barin’s mouth. Before long Barin’s body started to shake… slowly at first, but it quickly became more and more violent.
Najen: Barin?! What the hell is going on??
Barin’s body continued to shake, and Najen became more and more worried. Fortunately for her sanity, the shaking began to slow down, but as his body became more stable, it also began to seemingly twist and shrink. Within a matter of moments Barin had changed from an average sized human to a rather tiny young kitten.
Najen: … I’m going to kill him.
Najen scooped little Barin up in one arm and ran for the exit Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora had used just a few minutes later.
Rivers: Did you give it to her?
Render: Of course! Was there ever any doubt?
Tryn: And she actually believed it would just bring him back to life?? Ha ha! Some people are just so foolish.
Render: Yeah yeah enough talk, let’s get back to the ship before she’s up and after us. I’d rather not deal with her now.
Rivers: That’s right. There’s nothing more annoying than an angry woman.
Tryn: What?! You chauvinist pig!! What do you mean by that?!
Render: Ugh… feminism… we’ve no time for this, LET’S GO!
Najen: Not so fast!
Render: Wonderful… Tryn, you deal with her.
Tryn ran towards Najen and Barin, pulling out a knife as she came closer. She lunged at Najen, but a quick sidestep sent Tryn flying into a nearby tree.
Rivers: It would be my pleasure.
Rivers closed his eyes and began to concentrate, and a pair of green, glowing spheres began to form in his hand.
Render: No matter how many times I see that, it still looks oh so wrong…
When the spheres were at their full size, Rivers hurled them towards Barin and Najen. Najen looked wide-eyed at the pair of bombs flying towards her face, while Barin occupied himself licking her hand. Mere fractions of a second before they made contact, Najen leapt out of the way and the bombs flew off towards Tryn and the tree she was sitting dazed under, hitting them both directly.
Render: Did you really just miss? This is truly pathetic.
Rivers: Well if she would just hold still…
Render: Just… stand right there and get ready for another throw; I’ll make sure she doesn’t move again.
Najen stared at the tree and Tryn, to see what those two blasts had done; but to her surprise, nothing seemed to have happened. Tryn stood up, looking very groggy, and tried to walk back towards Rivers. A look of frightened realization came over her face suddenly, and Najen, too, noticed what Tryn had come to realize. Her feet had become planted to the ground, the tree’s roots working their way up her body. It only took seconds for her to become completely fused with the tree, leaving one larger tree where she and the tree had originally gotten hit.
Najen: You… fused her with the tree?!
Rivers: That’s what fusion bombs are for…
Render: Ha ha ha! Poor little Tryn… or perhaps I should say, poor little “Treen!”
Rivers: Ah ha ha ha!
Najen: Whaaat? That wasn’t even funny!!
Render: Oh, it most certainly was! But not quite as funny as what’s about to happen to you!
Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora rushed over and grabbed Najen from behind, whirling her around so that she was face-to-face with Rivers. He had her arms held tight, so she couldn’t escape, but Barin was free and began to scratch at Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora’s hands.
Render: Arrrg. Damned cat! Hurry up, Rivers!
Rivers: Alright, alright, I’m ready.
Render: If you hit me Rivers, so help me…
Which Gate Do You Choose?
Go Fusion Kitty!
Rivers: I actually hit them! I hit her and even that little cat!! I don’t believe it!
Keep Your Balls Away From Me!
Rivers: Uh oh… Captain’s not gonna be happy…
This poll ends on February 1.