Many other magazines, online or paper, boast advice columns like this one. However, what other magazines can promise a video-game-related-dilemma every single month? None, I tell you. Without further ado, GameCola is proud to present Jenna Ogilvie with “Advice for the Sensitive Gamer”.
Dear Jenna,
My college has something like… a million students attending it, and yet I still feel very alone. All the people around me are always talking about their Halos and their Madden 2004s, and that’s just not my style, you know? Whenever I pop in one of my video games, such as Eternal Darkness or Magic Pengel, I’m met with a chorus of “what is that?”s and “what game are you playing?”s. All that the “gamers” here seem to know are the mainstream titles that even the most casual of gamers could recognize in a heartbeat. So, that brings me to my question: Where can I find the real gamers?
Love,
Halo Sucks
Dear Hating Angels,
First of all, let me comment on the fact that every time I hear anyone mention Magic Pengel, all I can think of are penguins dancing around a bonfire brandishing their magic wands, shouting to their pagan gods. But ANYWAY… as far as I’ve seen, around the campus of the University of Maryland, College Park… the gamers are gone. I mean, the only one I really know of that’s here is Matt, and I haven’t seen that kid since before winter break!!! So, Halo-Boy, I’m sorry to say that you’re going to have to bust out the trusty old internet chat rooms and find them for yourself, because it seems to me that they’re all in their rooms, hiding from the sun, and worshipping the penguin pagan gods. Have fun looking, though!
Love, Jenna
Dear Jenna,
All my boyfriend does is play video games! All he does is loaf around in his sweatpants and t-shirts and play his St upid Nintendo (haha, get it? STUPID Nintendo instead of SUPER Nintendo. I guess you can tell that I’m the comic in this relationship). He never takes me out to eat or to the mall or buys me things; all his free time and money is spent on his freaking video games. How can I correct this awful character flaw?
Enragedly Yours,
Wants Her Boy Toy
Dear Gilrface,
I’m going to keep this short, sweet, and unmistakably to the point. Speaking from personal experience, this goes far beyond a character flaw. This descends into the regions of ingrained beyond help. The boy will keep playing his video games, regardless of withholding of sex, food, or alcohol. There is no way to “fix” this. Deal with it, or dump the bastard.
Love, Jenna
