I love Zack Huffman’s review of Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. I liked how he made up the whole part about Lara Croft trying to get a magical baby’s cradle that will rejuvenate her and that she will have to fight Santa Claus and Hitler along the way.
Sam Evert
My Favourite GameCola this month is paper Mario and I was wondering if you could send me paper Mario for free
Spencer Shawn Minard
rey mystrio game is my fouvorite game this moth….
ushi
Prologue
“And the answer is…“MR. MAGOO, that‘s who!” Eric’s answer to the final Trivial Pursuit Unhinged question echoed through the silence in Ironforge for a moment, just before the final buzzer sounded. All of Ironforge burst into applause and jubilant cheers for their new reigning champion.
“How could this have happened? How could I have lost to him??” Paul thought, hanging his head in humiliated shame. In the midst of all the chaos, no one seemed to notice as he slipped away, heading towards the Griffons, and a solitary location to plot his revenge.
Six months later…
Paul sits alone, unwashed, unshaven, eating his own hair and babbling incoherently in a dingy basement he discovered far below the surface of the Lion’s Pride Inn, in the small town of Goldshire, deep within the Elwynn Forest.
“Noonecanbeat… How could I have… I am the all knowing champion… REDRUM! Enrique must die! Sqeeeeze his head like a puss-bloated blemish until it combusts all over the walls… brains and guts… I shall crush the brain that beat mine and squish it through my fingers… (Paul’s hands make two evil looking blue fists as he continues his rant.) REVENGE will be mine, and I will be Paul the UNHINGED forevermore!!! Muhahahahahahahaha…ha…ha…” *cough*.
With his resolve now very clear Paul proceeds to shave his ragged purple facial hair, which had grown so long over the reclusive months that it now dragged along the ground as he walked. When the transformation was finished he ascended from his dark haven and reentered life above ground. The residents of Goldshire had all heard rumors of the shamed night elf warrior who had taken refuge in the basement of their town’s inn, but had never actually been able to catch a glimpse of the mysterious recluse. But now here he was, among them, looking quite normal indeed. Curious onlookers gathered around all wondering what was to happen next.
Onlookers: (In hushed voices back and fourth) “What is he doing here?” … “That’s him, the one that lost the tournament!” … “What could he want?” …”Shhhh!! Everyone quiet! I think he’s about to say something!”
Paul: “My friends! My fellow warriors, as you know I was beaten by Eric in the Trivial Pursuit Unhinged tournament many months ago, and I was forced underground in shame. Now I am back, and ready to seek my REVENGE!! (He roars with bestial vigor and the crowd erupts into wild cheers for their new found hero.) Spread the word that I will be training with the elders in Darnassus, before making my way to Ironforge to formally challenge my nemesis to a rematch…to the death.”
(The crowd roars its approval clapping excitedly in anticipation of the duel.)
Meanwhile, in Ungoro Crater…
Eric the UNHINGED and his band of merry but merciless elves ride swiftly through the lush foliage striking down all life that opposed them.
Eric the UNHINGED: “Huzza! My lethal friends, now that I am the reigning champion of Trivial Pursuit Unhinged, the peons of Azeroth shall bow before us, tremble at the very mention of my great name, for I am unstoppable!” (Eric saps a passing Tyrant Devilsaur, leaving the huge reptile staggering and shrieking in anger, its piercing cries causing the surrounding creatures to flee from the giant’s vicinity in wild panic.)
Eric and his friends enjoy a hearty laugh over the trouble one stealthy move seemed to cause, but the lighthearted moment is quickly over when the group spies yet another comrade moving toward them, a troubled look in his glowing yellow eyes.
Eric the UNHINGED: “Matt, my friend, what brings you all the way to Ungoro? Last I heard you had taken permanent refuge in Ironforge!”
Matt: “That’s true; you know I had to seek refuge there after angering the stronger of the Horde one too many times… there’s quite a hefty price on my head these days.” (He scoffs bitterly at the thought of the Horde killing him, of all the night elves in the land…ha!)
Eric the UNHINGED: “How high is the price now, my long-eared brother? Perhaps we can hand you over for a few silver pieces?” (The others snicker softly at this, each afraid to bring about Matt’s haughty temper.)
Matt: (Giving the group a half smirk.) “Laugh now, but you won’t have that sense of humor when you hear the news I have come all the way out here to bring you. Of course if you’d rather make jokes, I can always catch the next Griffon back to Ironforge…”
Eric the UNHINGED: (Trying to keep a straight face.) “No, no, that won’t be necessary my friend; what news do you have for me?”
Matt: “There is word that Paul has resurfaced, and is in Darnassus seeking training with the elders.”
Eric the UNHINGED: “Since when is that considered cause for alarm? It’s good that he’s honing his skills; it’s something we all need to do sometime.”
Matt: “Rumor has it he’s not just honing his skills—he’s training for a rematch against you in Ironforge. But more than that, he wants a fight… to the death!”
(The others look at each other in surprise and whisper amongst themselves.)
Eric the UNHINGED: (Frowning in thought.) “Hmmm… I had no idea he had taken losing to me that hard! Although I am unbeatable, and that’s bound to send any common elf over the edge…” (He smiles at this, feeling his confident nature rise once again.) “If it’s a fight he’s looking for, I suppose we should head for Ironforge; I wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone.”
The group heads for Ironforge, unaware that Paul was already there awaiting the arrival of his opponent…
Ironforge was buzzing with life as news of the pending match between Eric the UNHINGED, and his former Trivial Pursuit opponent who was hell-bent on getting his revenge. When the two duelers finally arrived there was barely room to stand. Eric and Paul entered on opposite sides of the giant complex, and made their way to the front entrance, the only place where dueling was permitted.
Eric spied Paul standing off to the side of the main path just outside the Ironforge gates; he seemed to be meditating in preparation for battle.
Hmm, Eric thought, If I can just stealth and deliver one Cheap Shot I should have the upper hand… at least for now… (He stealths quietly before anyone notices his presence and sneaks into position behind the warrior who is carefully sharpening his Arcanite Reaper.)
The crafty rogue strikes Paul from behind with both Blackvenom Blades, instantly realizing this was not a wise move. The sound of steel against steel rips through the cold winter-like air, as the blades shatter into a million unrecognizable pieces. Paul gives a surprised yell and lurches forward from the impact.
Paul: “AAAHHRRG!”
In one powerful movement he recovers, and swings his newly sharpened blade around clean through the attacker’s neck, before letting it come to rest on the ground.
Eric’s severed head seemed to fall to the ground in slow motion. It took Paul a moment to fully realize what had happened as the crowd went deathly silent, thoroughly shocked and chilled to the bone by what they had just witnessed. Paul looked down at the now blood-covered head of his enemy as reality began to sink in.
I WON, he thought.
Paul the UNHINGED: (Picking up Enrique’s head by the hair and raising it high above his own for all to see.) “BEHOLD!!” he yelled. “VICTORY IS MINE; YOU ARE ALL WITNESS TO MY VINDICATION!!!”
The spectators roared their approval, applauding the victorious warrior. It may have been a short battle, but it was something everyone would be chattering about for a long time to come.
Paul the UNHINGED was suddenly struck with the desire to dispose of the trophy head he now held in his hand. Without giving it a second thought he moved toward the entrance to Ironforge, the crowd parting and saluting respectfully as he made his way inside. He made his way through the complex and into The Great Forge; stopping at the metal railing that protected the massive lava pit below. He peered down into the pit for a moment, marveling at the great sea of fire before launching Enrique’s head into the flames and watching it disintegrate instantly.
Paul stood for a moment before turning to head back to The Commons area of Ironforge. I wonder if anyone’s up for a game of Trivial Pursuit Unhinged, he thought, chuckling softly to himself as he set off to find his next challenge.
– Stacey Roberts
