Chapter Thirty-One:
Paulpular Demand
Rivers: It’s Spoonlad!!! YES!!!
Spoonlad: I hath returneth!
Forklass: Oh man, you are a spoon!
Spoonlad: And you are a fork!
Forklass: I am in love!
Spoonlad: As am I!
Forklass: But not with you!
Spoonlad: I know, ew! You have a moustache!
Forklass: Bite me!
Spoonlad: Sorry! Just sayin’!
Forklass: I am in love with…
Spoonlad: And I am in love with…
Narrator: I am in love with not hearing from you two anymore!
Render: Hoorah!
QM Girl: Whee!
Rivers: What?!?! Who are they in love with?! Is it Enrique?? It’s gotta be Enrique!!
Jonathan: I don’t think that’s very important right now. We need to figure out what this episode is about before we get too far into it.
Render: Damn, you’re right…. What happened last episode?
QM Girl: I don’t remember.
Rivers: Me either.
Jonathan: Hmmm…. Maybe we should just reread it quickly.
Render: Nah, let’s just wing it as always.
QM Girl: Sounds like a plan!
????? ????? ??????: I have a better plan. I crush your skulls and bite out your souls.
Render: …Hi, Jordan.
Heavy Metal Jordan: That’s Crusher McStabbingslea to you, emo bitches.
Rivers: Hey! We’re not bitches!
Render: We’re not emo, more importantly.
Rivers: I AM EMO.
Render: Nope. Don’t whine enough.
Rivers: What? I’m totally emo!
QM Girl: Nah, you dress completely altrock.
Rivers: I’m wearing a unitard and solid pink pumps!
Jonathan: He’s right. That’s nu metal.
Render: Oookay!
Heavy Metal Jordan: Finished? It’s time–
Narrator: To explain why you are heavy metal. Remember, he got turned into a metal dragon by Rivers? And he was so heavy that he fell through the ground and the seabears came out…
Render: So, he’s like one giant pun…
Enrique (In the distance): Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
QM Girl: Anyone else hear that?
Jonathan: Yes.
Rivers: You guys suck.
Render: Right. So what are we doing?
Heavy Metal Jordan: HEY!!!
Render: Oh, right. Hi, Jordan.
Heavy Metal Jordan: Man, I’m going to scrape your face off with a cheese grater.
Render: Why do you have a cheese grater?
Heavy Metal Jordan: …I don’t…
Render: You friggin’ liar.
Liaunde: Don’t call my man a liar, you dirty pooball!
Rivers: Liaunde!
Jonathan: A very toned down and unvulgarized Liaunde.
Render: Good point. What happened to her?
QM Girl: Lobotomy.
Rivers: They still do those?
QM Girl: No.
Rivers: Ah, okay.
Render: Alright, so lets get going.
Heavy Metal Jordan: Graaaaaaaagh!!!
Liaunde: It’s okay, baby, let them go…
Heavy Metal Jordan: But…
Liaunde: I’ll give you a better reason to stay…
Narrator: ~SHE MEANS SEX~
Rivers: Woooohooo! You go, boy!
Jonathan: Hmm. Things seem to have turned out for the best.
QM Girl: The best would be if I got some, too.
Render: Well…
QM Girl: Not from you.
Render: Ouch.
Rivers: That was harsh.
Enrique (In the distance): Haaaaaaaaaa!!!
Jonathan: Do we still have a ship?
Render: I’m tired of ships; let’s be on a huge continent now, and travel by buggy.
Rivers: Sweet!
QM Girl: A buggy…
Render: Yes, a very romantic one, too. With a secluded spot in the back. Where I will have sex. With myself.
QM Girl: Aww, poor baby
Render: I love you, too.
QM Girl: Oh, get a clue.
Render: You turn me blue.
QM Girl: What’s that me- ew…
Rivers: Oooh, that was clever!
Jonathan: How cute.
Render: Yeah, that’s right.
QM Girl: Come here for a minute.
Narrator: Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and QM Girl go off to a private spot to talk.
QM Girl: It would be more private if you would leave.
Narrator: Fair enough.
Render: Hey, QM…
QM Girl: Listen, I don’t know when you’re being serious or not. If you keep saying that shit to me you’re going to get me all confused, and then if I find out that you were just screwing around…
Render: I get it..
QM Girl: Really, do you? Do you get that if you screw with me I will fucking kill you?!
Render: Ah… uhm…
QM Girl: Alright, whatever, just so we’re clear. I’m going back to the others.
Render: Hey, wait. I, uh…
*BACK AT THE POSSE*
Narrator: I can’t believe I can’t even watch. I watch everything in this series! How can I be not allowed to watch??
Jonathan: Stop worrying about it. I’m sure they’ll tell you what happened when they get back.
Rivers: Doubt it.
Jonathan: Yeah, me too. But I want him to be quiet about it.
Rivers: Ah, yea…. They totally will tell you, Narr, don’t worry!
Narrator: You really think so? You really think I can’t hear your whole damn conversation? I am sitting directly between you two!
Rivers: No!
Narrator: What?
Jonathan: He’s right. It’s not.
Narrator: What isn’t?!
*BACK!*
QM Girl: Oh, really?
Render: Yeah… heh…
QM Girl: Haha, you’re turning red!
Render: Pfft, no way.
QM Girl: Heh.. thanks.. we really should get back, though.
Render: Before Narrator loses his mind.
QM Girl: Exactly.
Render: Before we go, will you tell me your real name?
QM Girl: Only if you tell me yours…
Render: How did you know this isn’t my real name?
QM Girl: There’s no such place as Trelenodora.
Render: You’ve been everywhere in the world?
QM Girl: Everywhere except Trelenodora.
Render: Point taken. Alright, I’ll tell you. But you won’t be telling anyone else, yea?
QM Girl: Same to you.
Render: Fair enough.
Render & QM Girl: My name…
*THE POSSE*
Narrator: Gargle garble garble garble gaggle doodle day day whee…
Rivers: He’s lost it…
Jonathan: You can’t lose what you never had.
Rivers: There they are!
Narrator: Gah!! What did you two talk about?? Tell me!!
Render: Sorry, chief.
Narrator: Grrrrr…
QM Girl: Hah!
Narrator: Inquiring minds want to know!
Render: I’m sure inquiring minds want to know a lot of things about this episode.
Rivers: Yeah, really! It is the special edition love episode, after all!
Jonathan: Well, there’s only one way to solve this matter.
QM Girl: Damn right!
Which Gate Do You Choose?
The Utensils!
Readers: What happened with Spoonlad and Forklass?? Who do they love?!
The Bitch Lost Her Bite
Readers: Why was Liaunde so nice when she used to be such a hardcore bitch?! What happened?!
Rendered Confused
Rivers: Wait… what the hell? Render has a different name? QM Girl yea, but whaaat? You make no sense. Explain.
This poll ends on March 7.
