The Gates of Life: Episode 31 – Paulpular Demand

Rivers: It's Spoonlad!!! YES!!!

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Chapter Thirty-One:
Paulpular Demand

Rivers: It’s Spoonlad!!! YES!!!

Spoonlad: I hath returneth!

Forklass: Oh man, you are a spoon!

Spoonlad: And you are a fork!

Forklass: I am in love!

Spoonlad: As am I!

Forklass: But not with you!

Spoonlad: I know, ew! You have a moustache!

Forklass: Bite me!

Spoonlad: Sorry! Just sayin’!

Forklass: I am in love with…

Spoonlad: And I am in love with…

Narrator: I am in love with not hearing from you two anymore!

Render: Hoorah!

QM Girl: Whee!

Rivers: What?!?! Who are they in love with?! Is it Enrique?? It’s gotta be Enrique!!

Jonathan: I don’t think that’s very important right now. We need to figure out what this episode is about before we get too far into it.

Render: Damn, you’re right…. What happened last episode?

QM Girl: I don’t remember.

Rivers: Me either.

Jonathan: Hmmm…. Maybe we should just reread it quickly.

Render: Nah, let’s just wing it as always.

QM Girl: Sounds like a plan!

????? ????? ??????: I have a better plan. I crush your skulls and bite out your souls.

Render: …Hi, Jordan.

Heavy Metal Jordan: That’s Crusher McStabbingslea to you, emo bitches.

Rivers: Hey! We’re not bitches!

Render: We’re not emo, more importantly.

dragonRivers: I AM EMO.

Render: Nope. Don’t whine enough.

Rivers: What? I’m totally emo!

QM Girl: Nah, you dress completely altrock.

Rivers: I’m wearing a unitard and solid pink pumps!

Jonathan: He’s right. That’s nu metal.

Render: Oookay!

Heavy Metal Jordan: Finished? It’s time

Narrator: To explain why you are heavy metal. Remember, he got turned into a metal dragon by Rivers? And he was so heavy that he fell through the ground and the seabears came out…

Render: So, he’s like one giant pun…

Enrique (In the distance): Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

QM Girl: Anyone else hear that?

Jonathan: Yes.

Rivers: You guys suck.

Render: Right. So what are we doing?

Heavy Metal Jordan: HEY!!!

Render: Oh, right. Hi, Jordan.

Heavy Metal Jordan: Man, I’m going to scrape your face off with a cheese grater.

Render: Why do you have a cheese grater?

Heavy Metal Jordan: …I don’t…

Render: You friggin’ liar.

Liaunde: Don’t call my man a liar, you dirty pooball!

Rivers: Liaunde!

Jonathan: A very toned down and unvulgarized Liaunde.

riversRender: Good point. What happened to her?

QM Girl: Lobotomy.

Rivers: They still do those?

QM Girl: No.

Rivers: Ah, okay.

Render: Alright, so lets get going.

Heavy Metal Jordan: Graaaaaaaagh!!!

Liaunde: It’s okay, baby, let them go…

Heavy Metal Jordan: But…

Liaunde: I’ll give you a better reason to stay…

Narrator: ~SHE MEANS SEX~

Rivers: Woooohooo! You go, boy!

Jonathan: Hmm. Things seem to have turned out for the best.

QM Girl: The best would be if I got some, too.

Render: Well…

QM Girl: Not from you.

Render: Ouch.

Rivers: That was harsh.

Enrique (In the distance): Haaaaaaaaaa!!!

Jonathan: Do we still have a ship?

Render: I’m tired of ships; let’s be on a huge continent now, and travel by buggy.

Rivers: Sweet!

QM Girl: A buggy…

Render: Yes, a very romantic one, too. With a secluded spot in the back. Where I will have sex. With myself.

QM Girl: Aww, poor baby

Render: I love you, too.

QM Girl: Oh, get a clue.

Render: You turn me blue.

QM Girl: What’s that me- ew…

Rivers: Oooh, that was clever!

Jonathan: How cute.

Render: Yeah, that’s right.

QM Girl: Come here for a minute.

Narrator: Captain Thomas “7-Eye” Render VI of Trelenodora and QM Girl go off to a private spot to talk.

QM Girl: It would be more private if you would leave.

Narrator: Fair enough.

Render: Hey, QM…

QM Girl: Listen, I don’t know when you’re being serious or not. If you keep saying that shit to me you’re going to get me all confused, and then if I find out that you were just screwing around…

Render: I get it..

QM Girl: Really, do you? Do you get that if you screw with me I will fucking kill you?!

Render: Ah… uhm…

QM Girl: Alright, whatever, just so we’re clear. I’m going back to the others.

Render: Hey, wait. I, uh…


Narrator: I can’t believe I can’t even watch. I watch everything in this series! How can I be not allowed to watch??

Jonathan: Stop worrying about it. I’m sure they’ll tell you what happened when they get back.

Rivers: Doubt it.

Jonathan: Yeah, me too. But I want him to be quiet about it.

Rivers: Ah, yea…. They totally will tell you, Narr, don’t worry!

Narrator: You really think so? You really think I can’t hear your whole damn conversation? I am sitting directly between you two!

barfRivers: No!

Narrator: What?

Jonathan: He’s right. It’s not.

Narrator: What isn’t?!


QM Girl: Oh, really?

Render: Yeah… heh…

QM Girl: Haha, you’re turning red!

Render: Pfft, no way.

QM Girl: Heh.. thanks.. we really should get back, though.

Render: Before Narrator loses his mind.

QM Girl: Exactly.

Render: Before we go, will you tell me your real name?

QM Girl: Only if you tell me yours…

Render: How did you know this isn’t my real name?

QM Girl: There’s no such place as Trelenodora.

Render: You’ve been everywhere in the world?

QM Girl: Everywhere except Trelenodora.

Render: Point taken. Alright, I’ll tell you. But you won’t be telling anyone else, yea?

QM Girl: Same to you.

Render: Fair enough.

Render & QM Girl: My name…


Narrator: Gargle garble garble garble gaggle doodle day day whee…

Rivers: He’s lost it…

Jonathan: You can’t lose what you never had.

Rivers: There they are!

Narrator: Gah!! What did you two talk about?? Tell me!!

Render: Sorry, chief.

Narrator: Grrrrr…

QM Girl: Hah!

Narrator: Inquiring minds want to know!

Render: I’m sure inquiring minds want to know a lot of things about this episode.

Rivers: Yeah, really! It is the special edition love episode, after all!

Jonathan: Well, there’s only one way to solve this matter.

QM Girl: Damn right!

Which Gate Do You Choose?

The Utensils!

Readers: What happened with Spoonlad and Forklass?? Who do they love?!

The Bitch Lost Her Bite

Readers: Why was Liaunde so nice when she used to be such a hardcore bitch?! What happened?!

Rendered Confused

Rivers: Wait… what the hell? Render has a different name? QM Girl yea, but whaaat? You make no sense. Explain.

This poll ends on March 7.

2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 102 votes, average: 6.00 out of 10 (You need to be a registered member to rate this post.)

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