WII DIDN’T START THE FIRE.
Let me explain to you guys how I write this column. I sit around all month, trying to think of something to write. I read the news; I look at the Internet—and stare. Then I give up and decide to write the editor and say, “holy crap there’s nothing to write about HAVE MERCY. MERCY ON MY POUR SOUL.” At that point it’s a given there won’t be anything. To write on something, it has to move me. It has to give me some pause. It has to piss me off, or make me laugh—do something or I feel it wouldn’t be deserving of my precious time. The other day, my friends—wow. Let’s all talk about Nintendo, shall Wii?
To those living under a rock and without Internet access (how do you read this, anyway?), Nintendo released the actual name of the Revolution. The name that we will see plastered in marketing campaigns from here till forever. A name that will live forever in this generation’s hearts as the best system. That name—that symbol—it’s the Wii. Click the link. Let it sink in. OK, you ready? Let’s continue.
Nintendo has obviously been smoking something pretty awesome. That, or it’s a big joke. That, or they are actually completely and utterly drunk on their own power, and this is the first in many plots to take over the world. That, or they’re mad geniuses. In any case, SHUT THE HELL UP. The name is a name. It could be a ruse; it could be the real thing; it could be a lot of things. They might be calling it that because Miyamoto named his fish Wii, and Iwata thought it was a great idea.
But all that doesn’t matter. What matters are the games. What matters is how the system is going to hold up against the rest. We won’t know any of that for another couple of weeks, when it gets unveiled at E3. The Internet is abuzz with people complaining, people praising, people declaring that they won’t buy it ever because it’s a dumb name. Let me speak to all of you, one on one.
- To those who are complaining—shut up. You don’t know what the marketing force behind this will be. You don’t know how the public at LARGE will react to it, and you certainly don’t know how well it’ll sell. All we have right now is a name and a 30 second video on Nintendo’s site. That’s all. You can guess all you want, but if they play this right it’ll be golden. They’e trying to start a new golden age of gaming here…one where EVERYONE games. Not just us, the hardcore players. They want casuals back in the mix, and they also want the older market. Look at the DS—everyone thought it was a crazy idea…two screens? What the hell? Who needs that? We want more colors and processing power! Well you got that, in the PSP, and you forgot to ask for an actual software library to go with it. So settle down, take a step back, and if they fail (and there’s a big possibility they will) then you can laugh at the world from your ivory towers.
- To those who are praising—stop making fanboys look worse. As soon as the name is released you herald it as the best thing since sliced bread. This is a huge marketing move for the big N—they are moving further and further away from their comfort base, their home—all of you. The N-heads. Don’t put too much effort in saying that this is the most awesome thing you’ve ever seen, because if it fails, all of you will look like idiots. The Dreamcast was a weird name. Neo-Geo? How about the Jaguar? If you like a company, simply explain to the people decrying it that we need to wait and see what’s going on. Don’t put yourself in front of the bullet that is the Internet—it’s fired from a magnum.
- To those who are saying they won’t buy it because it’s a stupid name—holy crap what is wrong with you? If you are a Nintendo fan, even a small one, you KNOW their software will be awesome. If you aren’t a fan, you weren’t going to buy it anyway, so shut up nothing has changed. There is no reason to declare that you won’t buy it now cause you probably weren’t going to buy it in the first place. So now you’re just trying to get attention, and that’s just sad. If you want to not buy something, you don’t have to make a big stink about it. You just go buy whatever else you wanted to buy, and I’ll be over here playing the awesome new games that appeal to everyone not just the 31337 crew.
Wait and see. E3 is going to answer all your questions.
