The Gates of Life: Episode 40 – Toot Toot!

Barin: Wait a second, Streebless; what was that I saw you waving around in the bar?

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Choose your own adventure in this RPG-esque adventure that lets you—the reader—vote on its outcome.Jump right in!; you don’t need to have read the previous chapters to understand what’s going on this month.

Chapter Forty
Toot Toot!

Barin: Wait a second, Streebless; what was that I saw you waving around in the bar?

Narrator: Streebless pulled the tiny whistle out of his pocket.

Streebless: Is this what you mean, Barin??!

Rivers Duo:  Oh, you have got to be kidding me!  First I don’t even get ONE LINE in the episode that’s supposed to be devoted to me, and now this little piece of crap is trying to take over my whistle duties?!  Bullshit!

warpwhistleEvil Children:  70 7311 j00 d4 7ruf, w3 r 4 b17 p1553d, 700.

Rivers Duo:  I am a completely inept failure at 1337 and I have no idea what you just said.  In fact, I’m probably going to try to ignore you and just pretend you don’t exist in the story anymore.

Evil Children: l0l j00 ph4il.  W3 k1ll d4 str33bz!!

Rivers Duo:  Something about steebs?  I don’t know.

Evil Children:  k1ll str33bz!!!!

Rivers Duo:  Something something… nope, I’ve got nothing.

Narrator:  And then Rivers stopped sucking at reading and understood what it meant.

Rivers Duo:  Oooh, I get it!  Yes, we kill the Streebs!!

Evil Children:  w000000!11!1 l0l0.,lll

Narrator:  Meanwhile, still hanging out at the end of the last episode, the Streebs were sitting together singing the Song of Oblivion.

Streebmore:  Oh we are the Streebs, and we’re sitting here!

Streebless:  Singing pretty songs with our Streebfull cheer!

Streebmore:  We don’t know what’s going on!

Streebless:  I’m the gnome on Render’s lawn!

murderRivers Duo:  And I stab you in the face andnow you’re dead.

Streebmore:  Oh good gravy!  You’ve stabbed ‘less!

Evil Children:  s0 st4b m0r3! L0l0ll0l!1 roflymao11!!11

Rivers Duo:  Were you making a joke about my amount of stabbing or were you suggesting I stab the other Streeb?

Evil Children:  u suk.

Streebmore:  No!  Please say this isn’t true!

Barin:  It’s not true!  No one kills another member of my gang as long as I’m around!

Narrator:  Except, it is true.  He is dead and stabbed and all that.  In fact, his body is already burned and buried and urinated on and he’s never, never coming back.

Barin:  Damn you, false Narrator!  I will one day find a way to get rid of you.

Narrator:  We’ve been down that road.  It’s not happening.

Streebmore:  You…you fiends!  How dare you kill my beloved life companion!  You will feel my wrath so help me Streebgod!

Rivers Duo:  Uh oh.  I definitely am afraid of the wrath of a hobbit.

Evil Children:  L0l0l h3s sm4ll.

Narrator:  Unfortunately, Rivers Duo and the Evil Children were vastly underestimating the love between Streebs.  And, more importantly, the vengeance Streebs demand for a fallen life partner.  Streebmore showed his true, angered venge-form.

Necrostreeb:  You rapscallions have come to the end of your ropes!  I will now summon back the soul of my beloved ‘less, and we will harshly reprimand you all!  Very harshly.

Evil Children:  n0t 4s h4rsh 4s 7h3y r3pr1m4nd 34ch 07h3r 1n d4 sh0w3r l0l0ll0!

Rivers Duo:  Nice.

Narrator:  Necrostreeb could not find words to express his wrath, so he just proceeded with his summoning ritual.

Necrostreeb:  Oh, dark forces of the Streebcrorealm, bring back the soul of my dear, departed friend!  Summon him here as an undead force of justice to vanquish our foes!  Summon him now, oh Lord of the Streebabyss!!

balln00b:  What?

Rivers Duo:  What?

Evil Children:  wtf?

Barin:  Uh…him?

Necrostreeb:  What is this nonsense?!

n00b:  Who called me?  Why are you staring?

Rivers Duo:  Summoning rituals suck; they always just summon n00b.

n00b:  Hey, screw you hippie!

Rivers Duo:  Wait a minute…wait aminute!  You…

Necrostreeb:  I said, what is this NONSENSE?!

Rivers Duo:  That’s….

Barin:  It doesn’t matter, I am the leader once again, and what I say goes!  We are leaving, Necro.  We will be boarding my new ship, the Darkness Shadow, and getting back to my original mission.

Rivers Duo:  Wait, stop int…

n00b:  What original mission?  You just sat around being boring, moo.

streebRivers Duo:  HEY!  I knew….

Necrostreeb:  Okay Barin, let’s go!  I will simply bide my time until I have an even better opportunity to exact my revenge!

Rivers Duo:  I have something to say! Stop interrupting me!!

Narrator:  And so, no one was allowed to talk except for Rivers Duo, who had something hopefully important to say.

Rivers Duo:  Alright, I was just saying that….

Rivers Duo:  Wait a minute, what the hell happened to the whistle?!  Did we lose it when the little hobbit’s body got urinated on and disintegrated and buried?

Narrator:  No one could answer him.  Except for me.  But I didn’t know the answer, so I didn’t answer him.  No one answered him.  He sat cold and alone, cursing his poor whistle luck.  And then he remembered something.

Rivers Duo:  Oh, right!  Th…

Which Gate Do You Choose?

FAKE n00b

Rivers Duo:  Oh right!  That person isn’t n00b!  I know who it really is!

More Warps!

Rivers Duo:  Oh right!  The real warp whistle is in my pocket!  I guess that other whistle was just… an actual whistle.

Less Warps!

Rivers Duo:  Oh right!  The little hobbit isn’t really dead!  I stabbed him with a fake knife and he just warped himself to the land of feigning death using his warp whistle!  Look, there he is!  And now the Streebs and I will sing a little song!  Hooray!

This poll ends on December 7.
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