If you’ve ever seen a Tim Burton movie, you’re ready for Grim Fandango, which is just one of the most intelligently written, novel games this side of the Monkey Island series. And, for those of you who have no idea what this game is like or what it’s about, let us see things as Tim Burton does….
Right, OK, let’s sit down and read this script…Helena, get me some coffee, would you? I’ve got to read some awful pile of shit….yes, two sugars as fucking usual, darling…no, I don’t want cream…no, no, no, I just want my regular coffee…. And make me a sammich while you are there…yes, yes dear. Thanks.
Now, Grim Fandango…pfft, someone’s trying to get me on side here by making it about skeletons. Oh, yes, it’s not like Tim Burton to direct films about dead people, by God no. Now, Manny Calavera… travel agent? The land of the dead? OK, let’s sit here and imagine the picture the writer has in his mind here…we’re sending this script to very much acclaimed director Tim Burton, and a subtle whisper, “Hey, that’s the dude who did Nightmare Before Christmas, right? Let’s make them skeletons—that’ll show him we’re fans of his work!” Bull-fucking-shit.
But look, they’ve sent me something else, too. A box. With two discs in it. Oh, don’t tell me this is a game…oh Lord, no! These are horrible; I saw the Super Mario Bros movie. Man, 104 minutes of Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper hell…glad I’ve never worked with them. I much prefer Johnny Depp.
So, let’s see what this is all about. Hopefully there might be something salvageable in here, because I am a little strapped for cash, especially after getting ready for Sweeny Todd—now that’s going to be quality.
Hmm, the game feels nice…this Manny guy moves kinda dodgy, but I guess it’s okay for ’98. Too bad I have no fucking clue what to do—oh thanks, Helena…you bitch! I said two sugars, not three! Ugh, this is horrible! Get your bitch-ass back into the fucking kitchen and make it fucking properly this time!
Damn right, Helena. I made you, and I can break you just as easily. Now, back to the game. So this Calavera chap is obviously in a touch of trouble with his boss. Interesting sort of plot, though. The puzzles are mighty difficult. Hmm, time to look for a Web site that can help me here…ah yes…but, that’s a bit non-sequitur isn’t it? Well, I guess I did see the card with holes in it go through earlier.
Actually, now that I’m playing it, it might be a decent film. Sweeny Todd comes out, so I do something relatively low key to build to the next big one. And get whoever did the music for this game to do the score, since it really is excellent. And the same vocal actors too; they are very much high quality.
And the script reflects the cleverness of the game so far, too. It’s witty. It’s dry. It’s got Robert Frost in it. Yes…yes…this might be good….
Tim Burton, my good man. If you’re reading, and I know you are (he can’t get enough), get your ass onto this game rápidamente, and make this your new magnum opus. Seriously—it cries out to be a film, like its very existence is threatened if it isn’t given your loving attention. The last denizen of the adventure game needs you.
You recreated Batman; I think you are very suited to making this brilliant, brilliant game into a film.