Do you have what it takes to be rubbin’ it with us?
My name is Pedobait-chan!
Did you see it!
My arms are so thin like tasty Makudorunamudrudo fry potetos!
One time I got caught eating a hamburger that a customer left behind. I mean, he hadn’t even opened it, and I was going to buy the same thing for lunch that day anyway—was I supposed to just throw it away? I was reprimanded suoh pposedly discreetly, but apparently word got around and then that one cool guy with the spiky hair changed his ringtone to Homer Simpson saying “Oh my god! He’s stealing all the burgers!” Now I just sit naked in front of a mirror all day crying and eating.
I’m the oldest but the lowest ranking because I’ve only been here six months. Fucking Western influence. Fucking teenage sluts.
I look friendly from a distance, but when you walk up I’ll just stare right through you like a deer caught in headlights, not even bothering to greet you or say “for here or to go?” like I just said to every other customer in front of you. The barrage of high-speed English sure to come out of your mouth at any moment will pierce my mind like a hot spike, reducing me to a traumatized invalid spending the rest of my life balled up in a corner shuddering. So please don’t hate me.
I was in the latest up-and-coming androg-boy-band until the accident. Even though he was the one driving, he lead the charge to get me kicked out. The surgeon’s best efforts to reconstruct my beautiful face were too little too late, and now I am doomed to wear this hideous frozen psychotic grin for the rest of my life. Until I kill them all, my only joy is torturing the fat guy.
Seriously, what am I?