Welcome to Pimp My ‘Cola, the article that brings you up to date on all of GameCola’s most recent advertising adventures. Long-time GameCola fans will remember that this column was written by our PR Manager Gina Holechko, until she quit in a fit of tears, crying, “There’s no WAY for us to get any new readers! It’s impossible! I’m going back to law school!”
But just because Gina’s gone, it doesn’t mean we can’t keep her spirit alive, right? Right. So this month, I’m going to talk about a recent attempt to spread the word about GameCola.
The Great GameCola Slogan Contest
A few months ago, GameCola held a slogan contest so I could have something to talk about in this column. We asked people from all over the world to make up slogans for GameCola. And boy, was the response ever HUGE! People sent in dozens of possible slogans, including:
- GameCola: Videogame Humor
- GameCola: Fulfilling Your Thirst for Video Game Entertainment
- GameCola: It’s Better Than Being Raped by a Penguin
- GameCola: Not a Porn Site
- GameCola: Making Out With Mario
- GameCola: We Still Don’t Know If It’s “Videogame” or “Video Game”
- GameCola: Hotter Than Your Momma
- GameCola: Stop Calling Us “LameCola,” Jerk-Face
- GameCola: One of our Columnists Has Had a Girlfriend! Congratulations, Eric! You Raise the Bar for All of Us!
- GameCola: So What Final Fantasy Game Are They On Now? Sixteen?
- GameCola: Throwing Up on Shigeru Miyamoto
- GameCola: It’s Not Incest—It’s Japanese!
- GameCola: We Like Ike
- GameCola: You Bet Your Booties, Grandma!
- GameCola: Rocking Out to “MmmBop!” for Over Ten Years
- GameCola: Wishing Zach Rich a Happy Eighteenth Birthday
- GameCola: Ugh, I’m Getting Tired of This. Has It Been Twelve Slogans Yet?
- GameCola: Seriously, Can I Stop Now?
- GameCola: I’m Stopping Now.
Woah HO! Thanks to all our readers for submitting these creative slogans! And now, here it is…the big winner of the GameCola Slogan Contest….
GameCola: Videogame Humor
Why, our current slogan won the contest! Is it because our current slogan is the best slogan ever? Is it because we’re too lazy to change our slogan? Or is it because I made up the entire contest? Who knows?