Welcome to “Fabricated News,” the column where I totally make everything up. You probably noticed that there were several games that got released this week. I think this means I can have fun making up plotlines for these games without actually having to play them.
- Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 5 (Wii Shop): This uncreatively-named game picks up where Chapter 4 left off, with Guybrush Threepwood being told by the Voodoo Lady that in order to break the curse on Elaine, he will have to die! Oh no! That’s…wait, wrong game. Or is it? Anyway, Guybrush probably dies for dramatic effect, but then he comes back to life (surprise!) in order to continue the series. They did the same thing in Pajama Sam 5: Although They May Be Bores, You Have To Do Your Chores.
- Family Party 30 Great Games Winter Games (Wii) seems like a thinly-veiled attempt to cash in on the Olympics. So does Global Agenda (Steam), although I suppose it could be an educational game about the United Nations (slogan: slightly more effective at peace-keeping than the Peloponnesian League!).
- S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Call of Pripyat (PC) follows the adventures of George McFly as he tries to find a girlfriend. Sure, we’ve seen climbing trees and spying on people through binoculars in the Splinter Cell games, but this game takes things a step further with the new Restraining Order challenge that demands you keep a minimum distance away from the target at all times. That sounds like some good gameplay!
- White Knight Chronicles International Edition (PS3): Say you want to make a boatload of money with your new videogame. What’s the best way to do this? Obviously, you want to make a game based off someone else’s popular license, like last year’s super-popular Batman and Monkey Island games did, but say you don’t have enough money to afford a license. What do you do then? Well, take a license and just tweak a few things to avoid copyright issues. Thus, this game features the “White Knight,” that is, “Bruce Twayne” of “Gothic City” who fights “The Jooker” along with his sidekick “Ruben.”
- Chime (Xbox Live Arcade): Clearly, this is Microsoft’s answer to Wii Music. Ting!
All in all, not a bad week for videogames, even if there are a few clunkers. Let’s keep it up, February!